Swollen Feet and a Good Tan

Well I've got swollen ankles and a good tan from yesterday. My neighbor, Anna, had been having a yard sale for the past few days and I was still in my semi-funk on Friday and quite frankly didn't feel like working. I had already planned on going to B'ham to see my parents and was going to leave early and that fell through so I didn't feel bad about missing work. Besides, my phone rings where ever I am. So I called Anna Friday morning from work and asked her if she was doing her sale on Saturday too. She said yes so I asked her if I could piggyback off of her and she said no problem. Jana has been in a funk too and had to get out of the house so she and I both went to the house to get things ready for the yard sale.



It was ridiculous. My den was packed full of brand new items for sale. They were all tagged and ready to go. We also worked on my garage and wow was it hot. I sweated so badly that my hair was dripping wet. It was so hot and humid in the garage. We did a really good job. I had to leave and pick up the kids and the way there I stopped to try and find a canopy/tent thingy for shade during the sale. I had previously wanted to purchase one for when the kids are outside, etc. I didn't find one at either Linen 'n Things or Bed Bath & Beyond.



I get the kids and run into WalMart and find just the perfect thing. On our way out we run into Angulic and Danielle. Danielle is best friends w/ Mackenzie at school. Angie and Gary have been seperated for a few months now and and she had been really down. I told her to call me if she needed anything.

So the yard sale went really really well. I had people buying baby stuff and personal items like it was nobody's business. We did good with the money.

Then at noon I get a call that Angie found out Gary had been cheating on her the whole time and essentially she had no one to talk to but me. It got very old. She called me at least 10 times that afternoon, but I tried to be there for her. Gary had been very abusive to her over the past 10 years and it all made sense in how she acted. Very quiet and reserved when he was around. It's abused women's syndrome. To take her mind off things she and Danielle come over and the girls play for a while. Then we all get ready and eat at Lee's. It was good and the kids played in the water for an hour afterwards and a good time was had by all.

Have No Fear

I didn't drive off the Destin bridge today. I did have a major panic moment and thoughts over being overwhelmed yet again. I talked to Jana during this moment and I went down and made an appointment for this afternoon w/ a psychologist. I felt like I just really needed to be able to talk to someone. Unload everything off of my chest.

I dealt with stupid insurance companies all this morning. We had COBRA when Jackson was in the hospital for his surgery and BCBS is still denying claims. It's ridiculous. This is when I have a letter from them stating when our coverage ended. I printed out all the denied claims and then dealt w/ BCBS about refiling them. I swear doing that just was pushing me off. Then I called every different provider, all 8 of them, to let them know who I spoke w/ at the insurance company and the reference number and to tell them it'll take 4 weeks to process. I made notations on everything. I felt that I had to notate this so if anyone drops the ball I'll have my butt covered.

I really like Dr. Salinas. He was really really nice. I felt stupid just talking to him in the beginning about how overwhelmed I feel about handling the laundry, yardwork, kids, etc. But of course it gets deeper too. Just being able to talk about everything that is eating away at me. It is also nice to be able to get into the deeper parts of things. Like my sleep habits and the bipolar and what I went through when it I had my major breakdown way back when. The one thing I am glad to be is intune with my meds and knowing my body well enough. I'm also glad that I am not one of thsoe that just stops taking their meds and has continual swings back and forth. I don't have manic episodes anymore. I'm so thankful I have it all under control.

I know things will be better. I just felt hopeless. Helpless. I wish I could pick up the phone and have my mom come over for a few hours to watch the kids for me. Or better yet just come over and talk with me. I wish I had family support here. I think it's the one thing that hurts me the most about living down here. I dont have any family here. I miss them.

I was going to go up to B'ham this weekend but mom and dad have so much to do with their house. I just couldn't imagine all of us staying at Elizabeth's house.

So I'm going to try and destress this weekend. Don't know how that'll go because weekends are always the most stressful. Oh well.

Is Life Always One Train Wreck After the Next?

I'm beginning to wonder when things are going to plateau out. They haven't in a while and I am in need of things to level out. I really am hoping it happens soon because I don't know how much longer I can go on with constant chaos. I use to thrive on chaos but I can't take any more of it. I also can't take much more of baring the brunt of my better half's frustration with work and the house. I can't handle being blamed for his stress because I'm the one that encouraged him to take this job because I thought it was going to be great for him career wise. It's not my fault that his job is stressful. I know he's working his butt off. I know it's hard. I can't help it. I try to be supportive.

I'm working and I've got the kids. Every Saturday lately I have been cleaning and doing laundry. The laundry is never ending and I can't seem to get anywhere with the house. It's the same cleaning over and over again but within 30 minutes it's a mess again. There are little things around the house that need fixing or I need to pick up something to replace the little faucet thingys or whatnot. Lee doesn't have time to do this. I quite frankly don't have it either but someone has to do it. I've been riding on a stupid donut (yes, I blew another tire after my trip to B'ham) for 6 weeks or so.

My ankles keep swelling again and i hate it. If I clean for a while they just balloon up. and yes, I'm still on both my BP meds. Work has gotten so horrible. The company has more issues than Time Magazine. I don't know what their problem is or what happened to make them start doing crazy things like not paying our insurance premiums or depositing our 401k funds into our 401k accounts. Or perhaps the fact that a multitude of offices receive notices stating that their rent hasn't been paid for 2 months. Something underhanded is going on. They just fired our general counsel b/c they didn't want to pay his salary just when he's in the middle of working on the case of the manager who stole over 70k from oen of the FL offices and he was handling the class action lawsuit in TN that our company lost and had to pay money out. Yeah, great, just great. Oh and then I found out that the 2nd in command in our company and part owner was fired 2 months ago?!?!?! What's going on?

I've got the stress of loosing my job and not being able to get another job paying me this much. I think I'm going to get an ulcer over this. It's just one thing after another.

The today Lee has a car wreck and rear-ended someone. He was all shook up and a basket case. I'm the support for him but there is only so much I know how to do when it's all negative and stressful and he doesn't want to answer any of my questions but doesn't want my help. I just want to shut down.

Part of how I handle things is by shutting down. It's a coping mechanism for me and it's not a good way to handle things but it's the best way I know how. If I didn't have kids and responsibility I'd just want to pack up and start over. It's like I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't want to answer the phone I don't want to email or IM or communicate. I need a break. I need an opportunity to have ME time. To relax. To not worry to death about my husband going literally nuts from his job and flipping out. Not to have to worry about picking up the kids by 6. Not having to worry about the stupid company I work for an the idiot who calls me about Bob and doesn't listen to anything that Bob had told him about being in Jax today thru Friday. The guy is a stupid idiot.

Can I just have a break? When do I get one? Does it ever come? Mom and dad are busy moving into their new home and can't help out. They're always busy with their own things. I have no in-laws. I have no family down here. I can't even find a fricking babysitter. I tried to find one like crazy for a dinner thingy w/ some big wigs that Lee works with at Premier Beverage. It was going to be at a nice steakhouse and totally free for us. But I couldn't find any help. I called around to different moms to get references. Couldnt' find any one.

I need to make it clear I am a very dramatic person but this isn't filled with drama. This is how I really feel. Bottomline. I don't know how one can continue to go on like I have been. I have NO support. Not from my husband and not from my family. No one. I hate it. It sucks. I'm sick of it. Just once to have someone help out. At least offer, but no one does. Everyone is busy with their own lives.

2 Hours and 51 Minutes

that is how much sleep I got last night. Oh I feel awful, not as bad as it could be, but pretty bad. After I finished scrubbing away at the house last night I finally stopped and just as I laid down for just a moment of peace Lee and Jackson walked in. I was so glad to see them but I wish i could've taken a nap. Lee stopped by Kelley's while in Niceville and picked up the steaks and potatoes for me. I threw the potatoes in the oven and put his filets in the Dale's sauce. I am not a huge Dale's fan and especially not for filets but oh well. It's his steak.

While I'm in the kitchen doing this Lee is outside attempting to fix one of the sprinkler heads that broke. As I've said before and he'll admit, the is not the best at fixing things. He's gotten better over time but it's always an ordeal. He'll get really frustrated and snappy. I'm sure if I was doing what he was doing then I'd be the same way. But it's not fun for me. I was cooking and making the filling for the potatoes and I even started the grill. Oh and that was after I attempted to clean the grill rack. That was one of the most disgusting thing I've ever cleaned. It was sticky feeling and I had black goo all over me. I have no idea when the last time it was that it had been cleaned. I even put the steaks on the grill, which made me nervous because I don't think I've ever cooked filet and I didn't want to burn all the steaks.

Lee came in and had grass all over him and had finally finished outside and had fixed 2 of the sprinkler heads. I was a tad frustrated (but held it in) b/c he had gotten grass all over the kitchen floor after I had spent so much time scrubbing the floors and they got dirty again. So I pulled out the vacuum cleaner and did it again. I couldn't help it. When you try so hard you hate for things to be a mess again.

It was almost 9 when we finally ate. Jackson had passed out in the bed already and didn't get a chance to eat the steaks with us. I felt bad because he loves steak. Kenzie was lying on the couch and wanted to sleep in the den but Lee went in to lie down w/ Jackson and he passed slap out. So I watched some TV in the den and did my Sudoku for a bit. Don't ask me why but I moved Jackson in the den and woke up Lee (for conversational reasons only of course). We ended up talking about this and that and the kids and when they were younger and just sweet things.

We went into the kitchen to get something to drink and he had me cut him a piece of cake and I ended up cutting me one too. It was a little before 2. While we ate the cake we were talking and stuff and he went back to lie down. I went out to the car to get my XM radio/MP3 player to listen to while sleeping. I stayed outside for a few extra minutes. When i walked back in Jackson was screaming bloody murder. Lee had moved him back to our room but he wanted his mama. I went to go pee with him attached to my hip.

We lie down and he just doesn't want to go right back to sleep. Before I know it it is 3:57. I then was awakened at 6:51 this morning. Not a fun feeling. I had already decided to make waffles this morning and when I was up last night I got everything out and ready to do so. I couldn't help it, I was wired at that point.

So now I'm up and at this point it 9:45. I made waffles, cleaned them up, I unloaded the dishwasher and put the dishes from last night up. I'm tired. I can barely keep my eyes open. I'm going to see if I can brorower Kenzie's sleepingbag she used last night so i can curl up on the couch.

I'm Hot and Tired

I just finished mopping the kitchen. Didn't realize how much scrubbing w/ the mop would be invovled. Probably not nearly as much if 1) Lee and the kids didn't live here and 2) if it hadn't been so long since I last mopped. I also vacuumed the den as usual and the kitchen. My routine Saturday items. The den was still picked up so didn't have to go picking up toys over and over again. I've also started my laundry. I just love my relaxing routines.

Lee is off today so he let me sleep in. Jackson woke up first and he and Jackson went outside to cut the grass. I think I got up right at 9. I didn't feel to horrible by sleeping that late but I did enjoy the sleep. I was a tad cranky when I first got up. I had to go outside to get all of my meds and it was hot. When i wandered out there I discovered Lee was cleaning out my car. Not a good thing. I cannot tell you how many pieces of important papers he's trashed by helping. But I think he did okay this time. He unloaded the fishing poles, pool toys and cokes from the car for me. So I put up the multitude of 12 packs, put up all of the items he brought in from my car, changed the kitty litter (it was bad), cleaned the kitchen, cleaned up some of our bathroom and now I'm exhausted.

Jackson is w/ Lee right now running errands. Lee had to take the lawn mower into Sears b/c after he cut the front yard something happened. Luckily it's still under warranty. He was also dropping some things off at his work and picking up steaks for us to grill out. Man, it's already 5:11 and I don't think I want to cookout now. By the time he gets here I won't have enough time to cook the potatoes in the over and if I microwave them they aren't nearly as good for making the twiced baked potatoes.

My ankles swelled up today from standing on my feet all day. After I took a shower and spent a few minutes of down time they went down a bit but now they're back up. They dont' feel so hot. Thursday night I took the kids fishing with our friend Kerry. I am helping Kerry buy a house in our neighborhood and he had stopped to drop off some paperwork. He told me that he was going fishing at the 331 bridge (1 mile from my house) and I should really bring the kids. I knew the kids would love it and it was almost quitting time so I met Kerry at WM to get the kids fishing poles. I got Kenzie a Disney princess one and Jackson a Spiderman one. I thought they'd enough having cute poles. I also got a fairly inexpensive one for myself.

The kids and I met Kery and his friend Matt (and later Matt's girlfriend Christy) under the main bridge. It was an interesting group of people. At the very end of the old bridge turned pier was a group of 4 superduper rednecks. I'm serious as a heart attack. One of the ladies introduced herself as so and so's girl. Yeah, they were older, in their late 40's maybe or perhaps the sun and trailer park aged them. Oh... that was so cruel. Then there was the really nice black guy who was having a hard time catching anything. Apparently he and Kerry had met up there the weekend before and helped each other out. Then down at the first part of the bridge were the hispanics. They kept through the net out and catching mullets galore. I didn't know this but you can't catch a mullet on a fishing pole, they don't bite at them.

Kerry and Matt and the nice black guy were trying to catch bait fish. Now I know what those weird looking circles are in the water in the mornings. It's a school of "bait" fish. I had always wondered if it was oil from an engine or gas from a boat but you learn something new every day. The kids were so thrilled to be there. Kerry was so kind and patient and hooked up the kids with a wait and bait and showed Kenzie how to cast it even before he started fishing. Jackson was just as cute as could be. It wasn't to too exciting and then the shirtless redneck man was so nice and took one of the mullet's he had gotten from the Mexican's and slyly hooked it to Jackson's pole so Jackson would think he got a fish. You should've seen the look on his face. It was so sweet.

One thing I learned is that those out there fishing worked together as a team and would help each other reel something in and call out when bait was coming by, etc. I was trying to think of a sport that was like that and I couldn't. Everyone was super nice. Kerry finally got his new huge fishing pole out in the water and used the head from one of the mullet's for bait. He ended up snagging a Gar (not sure how to spell it but that's how it sounds) and that thing look vicious. It's head was shapped like a swordfish long and pointed but it was just a snapping away. The others tried to help him reel it in and just as it was almost up the line snapped.

Needless to say once dark came we all started catching sail catfish like crazy. Kerry got a huge one they said was about 7lbs or so and then Matt got a big one, then my pole got one that was 4lbs or so. I think all together there were 8 or so and the black guy ended up taking them. We didn't leave until 9:15 and we were all exhausted. Matt and Kerry stayed behind and finished up fishing. I had a blast and I know the kids did too.

I'm excited that Kerry is going to be moving in our neighborhood, well our backyards will touch. His girlfriend Katie is very nice and she has 3 kids and Mackenzie goes to the summer program with them and after school care program. Caleb and Mackenzie will both be in the 2nd grade at Butler. Chloe will be in 1st grade there. I think Sam will be in his last year of pre-k. Kerry was an AM with Lee at the Back Porch. I think it's nice to finally perhaps have people we can be friends with. Another couple that has kids. Even though those kids aren't Kerry's I can tell he truly loves them. And he's so great and patient with our kids. I look forward to getting to know Katie better too.

I had the craziest busiest day at work yesterday and it was like a rat race. I'm still exhausted from it. I feel like I've wasted this entire day. It's already 5:28 and what all have I done? Some stuff but not too much. I have so much more to do but I'm giving up for the day. I'm hot and tired. I think I might take the kids to jana's pool again tomorrow. I didn't capitalize the J in Jana and I'm anal about those things but I'm not going back to change it. Just thought y'all would like to know.

I think I'm still going to my parents house next weekend. They close on their new house on Monday. So they will be a whole lot closer to us than before. We don't even have to go up into B'ham to get there. Yippee!!!!

Bonnie and Clyde are doing well. They are cute as can be. Tux has semi warned up to them. They play nice and are super cuddley. I'm going to stop typing as my hands are starting to get sore. I may even take a nap before Lee gets home. Kenzie is down the street at a birthday part so no telling when she'll be home. Good bye y'all!

Bonnie & Clyde

This weekend I took the kids to swim at the pool on Jana's street. It took Jackson a while to actually enjoy the water and I was surprised it took him so long. I think I had bought every pool toy out there for him. I had even bought this inflatable raft for him. Nope, he wouldn't get in it. No, no swimmies on his arms either. Mackenzie on the other hand is our little fish. She absolutely loves the water. We ended up staying out there for a little over 2 hours which surprised me. I had no idea we were out there that long. No one got sunburned though and I can't even tell that I have a tan from that day. I have gotten rather brown already but not as much as I would like to be.



While we were at the pool my phone got water damage from the drinks I had put in baggies filled with ice. Oh did my wonderful Ziploc bags keep the ice/water in? Oh no. It leaked out into the tub and killed my phone. My brand new phone I got for mother's day. It is so sad. I called Monday to file an insurance claim. I was assured that my new phone would be here yesterday but alas it wasn't. Needless to say I was not a happy camper and very upset. It shows that it is on the truck for delivery this morning. It better come or else I'm going to go postal.



Lee got off work around 5:45 on Monday and we went to eat at 331 not too far from our house. The owner of 331 had eaten at his restaurant and told him that any time he came in dinner was on the house. I'm finding this to happen quite often. It's not too bad. That happened last week at Longhorn and it's happened at others. It's not to scratch someone's back and have yours scratched. So we went there and it's at the foot of the US 331 bridge. Jackson and Kenzie wanted to go out on the deck and see the bay. Jackson peers through the rail and I point out this kitty sitting in a chair. I then see another one peering from under the deck. Jackson was just facinated with them. He wanted to go see them so badly.

We could barely get through dinner without both of them wanting to go back out there. Jackson especially wanted to see the kitties. So we go out there while we waited for dessert and these kids walked near the kitties and scared them under the deck. The manager said that they are wild cats and became such a problem that they had over 100 of them living under the place. Animal control had to come out and catch them because it had become a health issue. So anyhoo I was talking to Lee and telling him how much I loved Tiger, my long haired cat. He was so great until this horrible little snot of a roomate named Christina let him out of the house one day. That girl only paid 200 a month in rent and no utilities and I did so much for her and she let my companion out. Oh how I wanted to kick her booty but I was preggers w/ Kenzie and didn't want to do anything stupid. Yes, one of the rare times I thought before acting.

So yesterday I looked in the newspaper and online to see if any shelters had any kittens available or adult cats that were longhaired. Well boy did I get myself into some trouble. I made a phone call about 2 kittens available for adoption. One is a calico med/long haired cat and the other they described as looking like a panda and is long haired. They wanted to have them adopted out together because they can't stand being apart. When Bonnie went to the vet they said Clyde cried all day long. I talked to Lee about adopting 1 cat and he wasn't too sure about the idea.

Finally Lee said that we could go look at them. I was closer to her house and told him I'd go first and if I didn't like them then he and the kids didn't have to come. Well they came to the house. They all fell in love with the cats. Lee pulled out some cash for the lady and next thing I know BOTH Bonnie and Clyde are coming home with us. They are 11 weeks old. I can't believe it. They are so stinkin' adorable. Bonnie is the mischevious one and Clyde is the sweetheart. He's longer haired and I love it about him. I just want to eat him up.

Jackson is so cute in saying their names. Mackenzie drew pictures of them in the car this morning. Oh and they do everything together. Play together, sleep together, heck, even pee together. Last night Lee came in the den to sleep. I woke up at 5:00 this morning for some reason and went to get a drink and check on the cats. I find them sleeping next to each other above Lee's head. So cute.

So Bonnie and Clyde are our new members of our household. Oh, by the way we did not name them. We were told we could rename them but I thought they were cute and really didnt' want to have to come up with a name for them.

qwu (that was Bonnie typing)

Jackson is walking around the house with the Fisher Price BP monitor. I think he's trying to check to see if we're all alive.

Having phone insurance is a pain in the butt. I'd almost rather have paid for a new phone then go through the insurance company. When we were with Alltel if we had an insurance claim we could go in the store and get a replacement phone. Oh no. I filed my claim on Monday. I was told that the new phone would be sent next day delivery via DHL and I'd receive my phone on Tuesday. Tuesday morning I check the tracking number and it's not in the system. After 4 phones calls between Asurion and DHL I find out that the label wasn't even created until 4:45AM Tuesday morning. Asurion tries to tell me that DHL picked up the crates late and that's why it didn't go out. I'm not stupid. I create shipping labels all day long. DHL didn't create the label Asurion did. Asurion didn't do their job.

So I wait all day long at the office for my phone. Because I don't have a cell phone I can't just leave for lunch or the bank or for anything because I can't fwd my phones to my cell. DHL shows it will be delivered no later than 3:00 PM. I check the tracking at 2:30 and it shows they attempted delivery at 2:20. WTH? There was no way because I was sitting in the chair in the front room watching the parking lot for them. I call DHL and I'm told that the service manager was working and he personally attempted delivery and I wasn't there and he couldn't guarantee that he would be able to re-attempt.

So what do I do? I check the website for drop box pick up times. He was going to be at the Office Max drop off at 3:30. I staked out the location waiting for him. BTW he was 3o mins late. I see him pull up and go over to his van. I told him that there was no way he attempted delivery because I was waiting for him. Oh you know why he didn't get an answer at the door? Because he went to the wrong address. Stupid stupid man. He went to the townhomes down the street. Stupid stupid stupid. I haven't had a phone for 3 days and on top of that I have lost all of my phone numbers that were in my phone book. Right now Asurion and DHL are not sitting on the top of my favorites list.

I accidentally still had Lee's phone in my purse from last night and he needed it so badly today. He kept calling me for phone numbers. I know he was frustrated and I told him that I'd drop it off when I was headed home. We got rock star parking and I got a space in front of his front door. Let me just tell you I rock at parallel parking. I run in and see him and he told me he had been trying to call me when I was walking in. He invited us to eat and I felt bad about eating there again but he insisted. I got to meet the GM of the Palm Beach store. He's up helping our store b/c the Palm Beach store opening is delayed due to the building.

We went in and ate. Again. Yet again. He was great. Kenzie and I split the chicken faijitas and the chicken flautas. It was yummy. I don't think we've had to pay for a meal in a long long time. Our only weakness is dippin' dots.

Okay, I'm off to change a poopie and get Jackson down to bed. Good night and good luck!

Panic at the House

I go up this morning (thanks in part to Kenzie) and got up to take my meds. Yes, it is very sad. Let me list the meds I had pulled out: Norvasc (BP meds), Lisinipril (another BP med), some antibiotic, Effexor (my anti-anxiety/depression), and Xanax (very small dosage every day and helps not only w/ my aniexty but BP). Wait... where is my Adderall? OMG! I can't find it. I search everywhere. I'm trying not to panic. But this is my Adderall. If I don't take it I won't be able to focus and will seriously be all jittery and will be so spaced out. Only one time did I not take it 1st thing in the morning b/c I had a Dr.'s appt. that morning to get it refilled. It was awful. Just ask Bonnie. I was not able to focus or pay attention to one thing. Eekk! I didn't want that to happen again.

I then remembered that last night when I went to the grocery store to pick up ground beef that I may have taken it out while looking for my wallet (that is another store, so white trash). I ran out to the car and it was there. I've never been so happy before in my life. Okay, that's an overstatement but you catch my drift.

Yesterday I worked on laundry all day long. Yes, the entire day. Folding it, putting it up. It was never ending. So depressing. I started cleaning up and putting up other things in the meantime. Before I realized it it was late in the afternoon. I was so tired and I looked down and from all the up and down and standing my ankles were so swollen. I just had to take a break. I put the few things I hadn't folded yet in the play pen and yes that's our laundry holder.

I take Jackson in my room around 3:20 and tell him it's time to take a nap. He doesn't want to but I can tell he's tired. I tell him if he leaves the bed I'm going to spank him. So he half way hangs off the bed for a ltitle bit. Then he crawls up on me. The phone rings and it's Jana. She's stuck in traffic b/c of a horrible wreck, the same one that Lee was stuck in earlier. I looked it up later and there was a fatality so that's why it was taking so long. She said after she finally made it home from picking up her car from my office and after Carrie got off to work that she'd come over. I was about to fall asleep. I could tell. We get off the phone and I pass out just like Jackson did.

The phone is rining and I wake up at 6 something to Jana calling. She's on her way to my house. I woke up so suddenly and started panicking about my house. I was no where where I wanted to be. I also needed to wake myself up. So Jana banana gets here and I decide to run to the store and get some beef to make dinner. I grab my purse and run up to Kelly's. I get there and realize that I have no wallet. Yup, no wallet. Now this is the world's biggest white trash grocery store so I shouldn't have felt bad about what I did. I go through my purse and find a little over $5 in change. I know that beef can sometimes be expensive per pound. I go in there bravely and thank goodness found a lb for $1.24. I counted out my change while I was in the meat department. When I checked out I had my money ready and handed it to him and just walked out w/ no receipt.

Mortified. I felt trashy. Like I was scraping change just to pay for beef.

So we get home and start cleaning. Jackson, Mackenzie and Jana helped me. We cleaned up more of the kitchen. Vacuumed the den while dinner was cooking. Jackson had spilled a box of noodles in the pantry earlier in the day and I thought I'd gotten them all but I was wrong. Jana was cleaning out my pantry when she discovers them. She starts sweeping stuff out. Later in the night Jackson did the cutest thing. I was with the baby feeding him and Jana tells me to come here. My little cleaning obsessed boy had taken the dust pan and broom and sweet up all of the noodles and trash and had it all up. It was sooooooo stinking cute. I told him to keep the pan lifted up while walking to the trash can. We helped him get it in. So sweet and cute.

Mackenzie had already gone into her room and passed out. Jackson and I walked Jana and the baby out. Jackson got in her front seat like he wanted to go with her. We thought it was just because he didn't think he had to sit in a car seat. I told him bye and walked off and he started waving to me and blowing me kisses. It was breaking our hearts. He couldn't go w/ her and it was so sweet but he wanted to leave me? How sad and dreadful. So I tell him he can only go if he sits in his car seat. At first he goes in the back and says no. Then I pick him up so we can go inside but he thought I was going to get his carseat. He really wanted to go home with her. It was so sweet and cute.

I love my kids. They mean the world to me. I dont' know what I'd do without them. They drive me a little batty sometimes and my house stays a disaster but they are my world. They can make me smile on my saddest days. Kids can truly be a saving grace. Along with my Jana. With Lee working so much she has helped me so much lately. It's nice to have good friends like that.

We are very fortunate. I thank God for what I have in my life. You should too.

Acting Like Adults

I am so glad that we (I) have grown up and over the past dozen years and can actually talk through our problems or whatever goes on. It's a lot better than running away. And what's insane is the stupid stuff. It's always over stupid things. But that's okay. I know I do it just as much as anyone.

Okay, so I've been cleaning up and I have the game FEver Pitch on and it's at the part where the Yankees/Red Sox are in the playoff. I remember this series like it was yesterday. Lee and I watched the series together and I think Jana watched it with me some too. I was pulling for the Sox so badly. I thought it was great how the game was based on a guys love of the Red Sox and while filming the Red Sox pulled off what seemed to be the impossible. Then it was great how with the series was going that they rewrote the ending of the movie. They actually filmed parts of the movies at the playoffs and World Series.

Jana and I (and Gabe) went to the mall yesterday afternoon to go to Hallmark and look for Lee some new shirts and ties for work. Oh my gosh. We worked so hard on matching up the ties with the shirts. Jana was great at helping me. All of the ties were on sale as were the shirts. I got him 5 shirts and 7 ties, a shirt for Grandaddy from the kids and a beautiful dress for $170. Not too bad. My dress was the most expensive. It was originally $60 but on sale for $30. Not too bad I guess. It is so gorgeous. It's so funny because Jana and I had picked out the same exact dress for me off of the rack.

The kids and I ended up going w/ Jana to the restaurant. It was not a good time. The food was phenomenal but we weren't in a booth and Jackson screamed when he went into the high chair. Because I hate kids doing that and especially being in lee's restaurant I don't want to cause a scene. So Lee was in my lap almost the entire time. not fun at all. It's not enjoyable to eat. Ugh. The kids both fell asleep on the way home. They were exhausted.

Hurt Feelings

I don't typically post anything that is deeply personal, especially when it comes to my feelings. Well, I guess I do, but it's rare for me to have my feelings hurt. Tonight I got my feelings hurt by someone and I don't think it was intended but they did. I am not afraid to admit that I am a strong willed and opinionated person, however, tonight I was extremely gracious and although I wasn't going to be able to do something that I wanted to I had a positive attitude about it. Even though it was genuine I made sure that I expressed it as to not make the other person feel badly that I wasn't going or to feel like they were stuck in the middle. It didn't matter. Somehow I upset this person to the point that I was hung up on.

I could not understand this at all because I was just as chipper and positive as one could be and couldn't figure out why this person would be upset. So I stupidly called back to figure out what was going on. It didn't help matters and I was hung up on again. I couldn't help it but my feelings were hurt. So much so that I just started crying. Mackenzie asked me what was wrong and I tried to explain to her in simple terms.

I shouldn't let it bother me but it does. I honestly don't see where I did something that was wrong. I know I didn't. My goal was to make the situation as good as it could be to that this person wouldn't have to feel stuck in the middle. I guess I just couldn't.

But I'm not going to lie. It hurts to be hung up on twice and have things said (albeit not curse words or just plain out nasty comments) by someone who I consider to be close to me. I know tiffs happen and stuff but I don't like the way I felt tonight. It sucks.

Deals Deals Deals

I love a bargain. Today I did very well. Jana and I hit the mall late this afternoon and went to JC Penney. I didn't expect to buy anything especially since I left my check card in the van at the office and wrote my last check to Candy this morning. But I hit the jackpot. I got Jackson 9 shirts and 5 pairs of shorts and Mackenzie 6 shirts and 6 pairs of shorts for $113.xx. That's an average of $4.35 an item. Not bad said the little birdy.

This morning when I went to get Jackson out of the carseat I discovered he placed his poptart behind him and it was squished all over his shirt and the carseat. Not a pretty site. When we got out of the car I had to take off the shirt. Candy let him borrow one of Chance's while she washed his. I think he was more upset having to take his shirt off then making a mess. That's a first. Tonight he took the broom and dust pan and tried to sweep up the house. He is hysterical. Constantly vacuuming with his vacuum and now sweeping. He'll be my little maid before long.

Kenzie was riding her bike tonight while we were outside and ended up getting hit in the head with a basketball and falling off of her bike onto her knee. I was sitting out front w/ Jackson when all of the sudden I hear this horrible screaming sound. When she gets hurt AND when she's tired it's this awful hysterical shrill. I ran down there and find the neighbors checking on her. One of the dads walked her bike home while she hobbled home. I had already told her not to ride down to where they were playing ball AND I've told her not to ride in people's yards. She didn't follow either of those instructions but how can you yell at a kid who just got hit in the head with a basketball? You can't.

Oh and Jana and I had a tramatizing experience at Cracker Barrel yesterday. Okay, it was much worse for Jana but still it was disgusting. I had a horrible headache and didn't feel good at all. Jana had some migraine medicine and was going to bring it to me and some lunch. When she called nothing sounded good except for Cracker Barrel and she said she'd meet me there. So we go in and first of all they were out of Coke. Who runs out of Coke? I asked the waitress "How in the world does someone run out of Coke?". I assumed she knew it was a rhetorical question but no, she had to offer an answer. Then when I asked Jana if I should get the meatloaf of shrimp she answered for Jana. Okay, I digress. So we get our food and all is fine and dandy. Jana is eating the salad part of her fried chicken salad. She eats a bite of chicken and then inspects the rest of it. She asks me to take a look at it. It was raw on the inside!!!!! It was so freaking nasty!!! She had eaten raw chicken. I touched the inside to make sure that it was raw and it was. Still that warm chicken feeling. Gross. I go and get a manager and he finally comes out and I take him to our table and show him. He offers her whatever she wants but there was no way she could eat anything from there. I told him to take my food away b/c there was no way I could eat after that.

So it was gross. I have a feeling we won't be eating there for a long long time if ever again!

Too Long to Type

I've had so many thoughts lately to put down on the blog but I have been so busy for the past few weeks I haven't been able to put them down. I really miss having time to put down all of my thoughts and feelings. This is a good outlet for me and my free therapist and I haven't had time to get it together.





My life has been very chaotic since Lee came home. For one it's just chaotic having another person come in to the house, but he's never home. They had the official opening day this past Tuesday. They had practice runs Friday-Sunday. He's been getting home around 2:30 every night with the exception of Wednesday night. Want to know when he got home? 4:30!?!?!?! Yes, the food delivery truck showed up at 1:00AM and told them if they didn't unload it then they wouldn't make another delivery for another week. The drive told him that his GM new that they were coming. Lee was not a happy camper. Come to find out the food had insurance on it (whatever that means) and they could have left it at the back door. I don't know if the refrigerated stuff has dry ice or what. Needless to say they didn't have to stay that late.





We've seen him all over 20 minutes since Tuesday. The entire place was closed on Monday so we all went to Shipwreck Island in PCB. The kids had a blast. It did take Jackson a while to warm up to the kids water area. He did seem to enjoy the lazy river. I was in the inner tube and he was in my lap. We did have a really good time but we were all exhausted by the time we left there. When we got home Jackson and I crashed for a 2 hour nap. It sure was nice.





Oh, Sunday night the kids and I went to eat at the restaurant. I think they had a really good time. No, I know they did. One small problem was Mackenzie's corndog was still frozen in the middle. Yuck, but the faijitas were phenomenal. Outside the restaurant is the shopping center "square". It has a water fountain similar to the one at Destin Commons and it's perfect for the kids to get in. Yes, my kids were playing in it and yes, they ended up getting completely soaked from head to toe. They wore themselves out. Jackson did not want to leave. We might be going to eat dinner there again tonight and then they can play play play in the water. This time I'll be better prepared though.





I've been so exhausted lately. It's so frustrating still coming home and finding it like a tornado hit it. It wouldn't be as bad if I just had to clean up after the 3 of us and do our laundry, but now we've got Lee. His attitude is still the same that he can hardly function and he's doing good to get up every day so I shouldn't expect more from him.

I started writing this post on Saturday and it's now Monday. I think I need to just move on to another post.