Positive Thinking!

I am feeling great! I'm going to just think positively until I have a reason to think otherwise. I've been feeling neauseous all week long. Thank goodness there is this little bitty pill that I take that makes it go away. Man I wish I had something like that with Mackenzie. I was sick constantly with her. With Jackson I felt a little icky and they prescribed me the same medicine I'm taking now. Four years ago the med was not available in a generic form. Do you know what the retail cost was? $1100 for 20 pills! I remember Lee and I were at the CVS in Niceville and the pharmacist said that our insurance company limited the pills to 20 per co-pay because of the cost of the meds. When he told us how much they were and showed us on our prescription info thingy we were floored. We still have that to this day. It's in w/ Jackson's babybook box. We wanted to remember how expensive it was. So this time I got 20 pills for $15. Not bad.

Mackenzie spent the night at Kendal's house last night. Kendal just moved to a new house right by the school. Well they moved because they short sold their house to avoid foreclosure. So many people in this area are doing it. There were more than 1100 foreclosure proceedings started in the 1st quarter of this year in our area. 2 counties and 1100 people facing foreclosure. It's scary. I won't lie, we're having a very hard time too.

Work is going better than I thought it would be. Things are looking up and I'm really pleased. I'm tired a lot of the time and really wish I didn't have to go to work but I have no choice. It's okay though. Who am I kidding? If I didn't go to work I'd go crazy. I might like staying at home for a week or two but after that I'd go bonkers!

I think we are trying to go boating today. The past few weekends have not had favorable conditions for boating. It's a little overcast this morning but I think it's going to lift. I've got to check again but I think the seas are realitively calm. I just hope my stomach can handle boating right now. I'll try it out and let you know.

Beta and Progesterone Levels

I talked to my Dr.'s office today and my beta and progesterone levels are within the normal and good range. They are not going to take my blood again right now. They've scheduled me for an u/s next Monday at 10:30. Hopefully we'll be able to see the little booger's heartbeat. I am so relieved to hear that the levels are okay. I know that the levels may not continue to rise or something else can still go wrong but I'm glad that for now they are okay. I don't think I could stand losing another baby.

I'm absolutely exhausted right now. I'm having a hard time falling asleep and once I do I don't sleep real well. My lower back has been hurting me and I just toss and turn. I'm feeling queasy and that isn't helping things. Good news is that since my BP has gone down some of my swelling has gone away. My rings are now back to falling off of my fingers. Okay, that part isn't good, but the reduction in swelling is great.

It's a little past 3 and I'm ready to go to sleep. I think I am going to leave the office in just a little bit. I'm going to pick up the kids and haul us home. I'll probably take the Zofran (prescription for nausea) and it should help me sleep. I thought about taking 1 Tylenol PM to help me sleep. I'll try the Zofran first. Hopefully it'll work. I'm off to finish up work so I can go home!

Potty Training, Treasure Boxes and Pregnancy

I have to say I've got the cutest kids in the world. Not only do I think they are physically beautiful but their insides. They are so caring and giving and beautiful. I am so blessed. I couldn't ask for anything more. So... Jackson hasn't been the easiest to potty train. It's been a slow process. He'd get interested and then stop. He'd do well at Candy's during the day but when he got home he'd refuse. We have finally made progress! He is going potty at Candy's and our house! We went out last Saturday and he was in his underware and went to the potty every time!

We went to JC Penney to get Mackenzie a few shirts/shorts and they were having a big sale. We bought him 6 packs of underware. Amazingly it was even cheaper than Wal-Mart or Target. We paid less than $3 a pack. I have to admit I'm shocked about the price of boys underware. It's highway robbery!

He still wears a diaper to sleep in just in case he goes at night. This morning when he woke up he wanted his underwear. A little bit later he told me he had to poop. He has yet to poop in the potty. He always wants a diaper and then he'll poop in it. We went in the bathroom and he peed and bless his heart, he tried to go poop. He sat and sat but he just couldn't. He told me he wanted a diaper. I put the diaper on and 2 minutes later he came back and had pooped. It's okay for now. I'm just glad he's finally peeing in the potty!

Mackenzie earns money at school to use for the treasure box on Fridays. I don't know how much they earn but it's .10 here and .25 there and .05, etc. If they've earned all 2's in conduct for the week they can use the money to buy stuff from the treasure box. Mackenzie will sometimes buys each of us an item and other times just things for her. This week she bought some little man that you pull his body apart and he goes back together making a noise. Well Jackson just LOVED it. He wanted it so bad. Mackenzie finally gave in and gave it to him. He then tells me he got it from the treasure box at his school just like Jack Sparrow did.

I guess what makes it so cute is because Mackenzie is in school he wants to be like her. He now refers to Candy's house as school. He told me earlier in the week that his teacher did something and I asked him if Candy was his teacher and he said "umm... Yes!". That's his response so much of the time, a long "ummm" then a yes or no. It's really cute! He likes to take his backpack to school. Every once in a while he'll want me to pack his lunch. He wants to be like her so much. It's really adorable! I just love both of them. They are so wonderful!

I went to the Dr. yesterday. This is the OB at the Sacred Heart where we live. She came in and told me that I was pregnant, duh! I told her about the recent problems and we updated the meds I'm on. She wants me to get all of the records so she can review them. She told me that the meds Dr. Payne put me on on Wednesday are perfect (he changed my bp meds around so they'd be safe during pregnancy). I asked her if she felt I would be better off going to the Sacred Heart in P'cola since they are better equipped. She told me that they can deliver babies 35+ weeks here and that if there were problems then she's transfer my care to P'cola (my old Dr. is apart of the same group as her but in P'cola).

I will have to go see the Perinatologist early in the pregnancy. Dr. Thorp is located at the SH in P'cola but he comes periodically to the location here. I went ahead on Wednesday and made an appoitnment with Dr. Lile in P'cola. I really adored him. Yes, the drive is an extra 35 mins or more from where we lived before, making the trip almost 2 hours. However, I loved him. They staff is great and the hospital there is phenmenal. They have the neonatal unit, high risk delivery nursing team, etc. Mackenzie was a week early, Jackson 4 weeks early. This time no telling when they want to induce. I just want us to have the best care at our finger tips.

Oh... I went downstairs for blood work. They are testing my beta and progesterone levels. I couldn't make it in time to get the results from the records management before they closed on Friday. I will be there first thing Monday morning! If my levels are high enough, like over 1,000 then she won't make me have them checked again. If they're less than that then I'll go in Monday to have my blood sucked from me again. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I'm sure this is going to be like my other pregnancies and make it. The m/c was perhaps a fluke and not the norm. We'll see on Monday.

Lee isn't too keen on going to P'cola again unless the Dr. here refers me. He just doesn't want to make the trip. I just don't want to be at the one here and they need to transfer the baby or me and they can't b/c of the weather (Life Flight is routinely used in the area). When I was at the ER with Jackson there was a poor kid dying from a wreck and he needed to be in a hospital that was better equipped to handle patients like him but they couldn't fly him out b/c of the wind. A week or two later there was a bad wreck near Lee's restaurant and they couldn't fly them out b/c of the weather too. I just don't want to chance it. Maybe I'm over reacting.

In related news, my blood pressure was 123/70! Woohoo! We're doing great! The morning sickness has kicked in a little bit! Thursday night I was feeling really queezy and we had just gotten to Lee's restaurant. I got a chip down me and some coke. I felt a little bit better. I still felt a little icky though. I hadn't felt too good earlier in the day either. I had lunch with Bonnie, which it was so good to see her, it had been too long! I just picked at my food. I couldn't really eat it. Then yesterday I was watching this video at work and about 30 mins in to it I started feeling like I could puke. It was not a fun feeling. I had to leave the guys before the presentation was finished so I could go to my Dr.'s appt. I walk down the stairs and go outside to my car. I'm feelin like I'm going to just lose it. So I go back inside and Brandon got me a trash bag to take with me.

I haven't thrown up yet. I did read that the sickness feeling is a positive sign though. It means the progesterone levels are up.

Shhhhhh... It's suppose to be a secret

Okay, those of you who know me, truly know me, know it is hard for me to keep a secret. If it was someone else’s secret or something I was told in confidence I wouldn’t break it. However, this is my secret I’m trying to hold in. It’s not an easy task. I need duct tape. I thought it over and decided that if I’m not suppose to tell someone then typing it might not be the same. Perhaps I can type it and it’s okay. Or maybe I am just trying to justify getting it out of my system. Either way I’m going to spill the beans.

Sunday we found out that we are expecting again. This was NOT planned in any way. I did however feel that our actions resulted in a pregnancy the day it happened. I don’t know why but I did. I just knew it. Now there are several reasons Lee wanted me to keep my mouth shut. For one we had the miscarriage in December and we want to wait and see if this is going to even “stick”. The other reason is my health. With all of the problems I have encountered the past few weeks this situation is not ideal. I am though excited.

I definitely think that this one is going to make it. I have already started feeling the symptoms of pregnancy. It’s not like the miscarriage pregnancy and how I felt so different than before. I didn’t really experience any symptoms, except I just couldn’t stop eating. This time I’ve had the most horrific heartburn. I had it with the others. That is one thing that confirmed my suspicions. The other being the 2 positive pregnancy tests. I had really decided I didn’t want anymore, but maybe in the back of my head I did. I am so excited about this. I do wish my health was better but I cannot wait for this baby.

When I told Lee he was very scared. He doesn’t want anything happening to me. He wants to make sure I stay healthy. He’s also worried that this pregnancy might not make it. I already have an OB appointment scheduled for Friday. They are going to start testing all of my levels, etc. to make sure that the baby is growing properly and it’s not ectopic. I don’t mind being stuck this time. I’m feeling really good about it. I could be setting myself up for disappointment but I’m trying to stay positive.

My due date is December 21st which is also Jackson’s birthday. I figure with my track record of early inductions that it will be born around my mom and mother-in-laws birthdays. It’ll be a Thanksgiving baby probably. So the way I figure it I only have 32 weeks left. I’m ready to get this baby growing and out of me. I guess I didn’t realize how much I can’t wait to hold another baby in my arms. To nurture and love the baby. The bottles and middle of the night feedings aren’t the easiest part but are oh so wonderful. The sweet baby smell. The awful spit up smells. The peeing while bathing and shooting into the hallway (if it’s a boy, mom and I had an interesting experience once).

So I’m pregnant. Please keep us in your prayers. Please pray that our baby will be healthy and that my body will endure the pregnancy without any adverse effects on either of us. Okay, I spilled the beans. How could he really expect me to keep this quiet?

So Close

I just got finished taking my shower. While I was in there and on my final step of rinsing my hair I was thinking how amazing it is that no one had come in an interrupted my shower. I thought to myself that I just needed to post this amazing feat on my blog. Less than 30 seconds to go and I'm thinking how great this is. Then I hear the door knob. It's Mackenzie. I start laughing out loud and she asks what it is. I told her that I was just thinking that this was the first shower in a long time that no one had come in. She leaves and shuts the door. I call out her name and say "baby, it's okay, what do you need?". I can hear her getting further away and she says "Nothing mom, I just wanted to come see you".

So much for my uninterrupted shower. I guess there are worse things that could happen. At least my kids WANT to be around me. :-)

I'm Pooped

I'm utterly exhausted but not quite ready to drift off to sleep yet. I went to the Dr. on Monday. I had to see my internist first. Okay so here's the scoop. I have congenital kidney disease thanks to the wonderful genes that I inherited. (I still love the gene donors) My heart will go back down once my bp is under control. The Dr. prescribed me a new bp combo med that I started taking. Last night my bp went down to 123/81 and that's after it peaked at 201/128 on Monday morning.

I've learned from my research that the kidneys, heart and bp is all related. It made a lot of sense once I read about how it all works. Apparently my nephrons have lost their filtering abilities thus causing the protein I eat, etc. to be expelled through my urine and not pumped back into my blood. This is causing the protein in my urine.

They are doing a whole battery of tests once my bp is leveled out (which hopefully will be tomorrow) to test for creatinine and other kidney functions. Once they get the bp under control they will put me on an ACE inhibitor which will help open up my blood vessels to allow my heart to work better. That will then somehow help my kidneys from the effects of the high bp.

So now we're up to 4 drugs a day so far. Let's see how many more once they add the ACE inhibitor. Woo hoo!

Folks... I'm sorry to report I'm not dying yet. I'll be back for at least one more laugh.

WebMD... I shouldn't be looking

I'm thinking that I shouldn't look anymore at WebMD. Jana and I laugh about WebMD because we are always self-diagnosising ourselves. I know that on Brad's side of the family people have had kidney problems and I think it's related to the high blood pressure. Ever since I left the ER I have been feelin extreme fatigue and am having a really hard time waking up. It's as if my body can't move. I'm very dizzy and feel quite out of it. I took a nap yesterday and I usually have a hard time falling asleep when trying to take a nap. I don't even remember falling asleep. Lee was in and out of the room putting up laundry and I didn't even stir. That's soooo unusual for me.

This morning I'm having the same problem. My body is having a hard time waking up. I feel like I've been given phenergan or pain killer into my veins. Or when I've had to wake up from anethesia. I don't like this feeling. I don't know why it's all of the sudden hitting me like this. I looked up the drugs that they gave me at the Dr.'s office and the ER and none of them should have an effect like this on me.

So I type in "fatigue hypertension" on WebMD. It brings me to a list of symptoms. Yup, I've got hypertension (duh, we already knew that). Then I look at the links associated with kidney problems w/ hypertension and heart problems w/ hypertension. I already knew that kidney problems occur with hypertension. I've got the protein in my urine which is not good. I do have to go to the bathroom more frequently at night, that's bothered me for years. The heart problems with hypertension have to do with the heart not being able to get enough oxygen and nutrients through the heart. This causes the heart to englarge (which I have now) to pump more blood through the body. This all doesn't sound very good.

Maybe I'm making this out to be more than it is. I just don't understand why I'm still so dizzy and feel so out of it. I don't like this. Oh yeah, and the heart disease with hypertension is the leading cause of death of those with hypertension. Great. I should stop reading about this. I do want to be informed though of what is happening with me. I don't like being in the dark. I can't wait until tomorrow to go to the Dr. and see what they can do to make this better. I promise I'll take all my meds. I don't want to die. I want to see my kids grow up. It's just scared the crap out of me. Especially since I've got this weird feeling over me. I can't shake it.

Not a Fun Birthday

So yesterday morning I posted how I hadn't been feeling well. I made a Dr. appointment for 3:15 in the afternoon. I had a real crappy morning and cannot begin to describe what all went on, nothing major but it was just crappy. Then Lee was suppose to bring Mackenzie to me on his way to work but he was running late and left his wallet at home. He wanted me to wait at my office and I didn't want to miss my appointment. I went on to my appt. and he met me there with Mackenzie. He had bought me 2 dozen beautiful roses. That's why he was so adamant about bringing them to my office. He wanted me to have them there because he "knows how much women like getting flowers at the office". It was Friday so I was glad to be able to have them at home.

So we go to the Dr. I was still feeling dizzy and the off balance thing had subsided for the most part. However, I had this horrible headache that made my neck hurt anytime I moved my head. The base of my neck hurt so bad. I could tell this was a blood pressure induced headache and not a migraine. I explain to the Dr. my problems. I guess there seems to be 2. One is my high blood pressure issues for the day and the other is what I believe my be a thyroid problem. The skin coming from my scalp I found out is a major symptom of thyroid issues and I've had other symptoms. I went to the Dr. on 3/21 and since then I gained 7lbs. Now that's insane. I don't eat majorly crazy and usually on eat one main meal a day. Since the pregnancy and miscarriage I've gained now 22lbs. Something isn't right with my body.

The nurse took my bp and it was 1xx/107. The Dr. came in and I told him some of my concerns. The headache was due to the bp. He seemed to think I might have a thyroid problem due to the weight gain being so rapid and I haven't been eating crazy and I my weight shouldn't shoot up that high after 2 weeks. On top of that the dry scalp thing is something else that causes him to think that. Kidney problems is also another possibility. They gave me Chlodine (I think that's the med) that is suppose to bring down your bp quickly. So I had my blood drawn and peed in a cup. I've got to go back on Monday for them to draw it again to check for thyroid problems.

My white count is up and I have protein in my urine. Same thing that happened during my pregnancy. The protein is cause for concern with my kidneys. High bp causes kidney problems over time. They re-checked my bp as it should go down but it kept going up. Now it was 180/117. They checked both arms. Same reading. The Dr. had me lie down to check my body for tenderness, etc. and when I got up I was do dizzy I almost fell off the bed. Good catch Dr. The dizziness kept getting worse.

He needed to do a EKG on my heart and wanted me to start having a beta blocker drip. It was almost 5pm and they can't do that there. He called the ER place next door that's associated apart of Fort Walton Beach Medical center to have me seen over there since they had the capibilities to do what I needed. He said if this goes untreated he thought I might have a stroke over the weekend. I had Mackenzie with me and I asked him if I could just run over to Candy's house 3 blocks away to drop her off to be with Jackson. He told me no. I had to go straight to the ER. My dizziness kept me swaying around. It was awful. Even though the drive to the ER was through their back parking lot and around the corner he had a nurse drive me. He said I wasn't okay to drive.

I call Lee while I was waiting for the nurse. Wait, I think I called Candy first. I wanted to see if she could watch Jackson a bit later than usually. She said that she had plans for the night and I told her someone would come and get him. Then I called Elizabeth. She was in PC visiting Ben. They were already planning on coming over to eat dinner with me and the kids at Cantina Laredo. I told her what was going on and asked her if she could help me with the kids. She said she would. I felt horrible asking her though since she has such limited time with Ben. Then I called Lee. I was reluctant to call him since he was already stressed with work and it was a super busy day. I asked him if he could just pick up the kids and have Elizabeth meet him at his restaurant to get them.

So I go over to the ER. Mary, my intake nurse, was from Yougoslavia. She didn't have very good bedside manners. I was told to tell them that the Dr. had already spoke with them and go straight back. I tried to tell her this but she said she didn't know anything about it, etc. So I do my intake and then go back. They have me put on a gown and Mary gets me ready for the EKG. Lee walks in during this. He sits with me for a minute while they do the EKG. He then leaves with Mackenzie to get Jackson. He has already called Elizabeth to have her meet him there at the ER.

My EKG showed that my heart area is enlarged due to the oxygen (can't remember if it was the lack of oxygen or the increase of oxygen). It's not an enlarged heart condition but it's due to the bp. They take my bp again and it's 174/119. Yeah, not good numbers. I ask them about the drug I had taken earlier and it should've brought it down. I'm still feeling dizzy and that's while I'm lying down. Lee comes back with the kids for a bit. Jackson was so cute sitting there and Mackenzie was an angel. They started my IV with fluids. I'm bantering back and forth with the 2 nice nurses. I'm my usually self and Lee and I are joking around. The Dr. at one point came in and told me to stop trying to run my house from the bed. It was funny. One nurse said that if I was completely still it might make my bp go up higher because I'd be stressed from trying not to be myself. It was funny.

So Lee takes them to get some food. They give me the beta blocker in my IV. They are trying to get my bp down before they do the catscan and the chest x-ray. I think it got down to 17x/108 and they take me back there. Donice, one of the nice nurses, made me go in a wheel chair since I was so dizzy. I have the chest x-ray and lie down for the cat scan. By the time I get back to my room Lee comes in. He said Elizabeth and Ben had the kids in the car with them. I asked him to get Elizabeth for me. She comes in and I wont' stop hugging her. I told her I was so sorry for runing her night with Ben and having her drive all the way over. She was so sweet. We talk for a bit and then she goes back outside.

They are waiting for the Dr. at the hospital to review the scans and x-rays. They find out he's on his way home and when he gets home he'll review them. They didn't know how far away he was. I joked around and said if you tell me his name I'll find out where he lives, how many mortgages he has and if he has any speeding tickets. They all thought this was funny. Yup, I was my normal self. Lee leaves with the kids to go and get some food from Niceville for me. I hadn't eaten all day and I wanted Little Ceasars crazy bread and some Jim 'n Nicks. This would also allow him to have the kids in the car and Elizabeth and Ben could leave.

While he was gone they came in and gave me some pain meds for my headache along with some phenergan. While she was pushing it in my IV it made my head start to have this burning sensation. It was intense and so she stopped for a moment. I'm feeling very woozy fromt he phenergan at this point. Brad calls my cell phone. He's calling me to wish me a Happy Birthday. I can't remember what all I said to him. I know at some point I told him it was his fault for me being sick b/c the high bp runs in his family. I don't remember much else though. When I was telling them my family history with the bp I said that I was pretty much screwed from the day I was born. Kidney problems have run on Brad's side and it was probably due to high bp. But I love my birth parnets nonetheless.

So I have the rail raised up because I'm so loopy. I just wanted to go to sleep. I sleep off and on. My bp is still high so they give me a total of 3 doses of the Chlodine. The radiologist said my scans came back fine. My heart is just enlarged b/c of the oxygen. I have to go see a cardiologist on Monday. I asked the Dr. about the kidney issues and the protein and if I should see a kidney Dr. He said that between my primary Dr. and the cardiologist they could take care of all of it.

So on Monday I have to get blood work again, see a cardiologist and follow up with my primary Dr. Fun fun fun. Throughout all of it I kept my sense of humor and didn't die. On the way home I dug into the chicken fingers and crazy bread. Only had 2 chicken fingers but it was good! When I got home I got some things together and then Lee made me lie down. Yes, we didn't get home untl 10:15. It was a long long day. He was going to give Jackson a bath and get them ready for bed. All I remember is lying down. I don't remember falling asleep. I must've been exhausted because I didn't even wake up with them getting ready and taking baths, etc.

I woke up this morning feeling very tired. I'm a little groggy. I still feel a little dizzy. Not near as bad as yesterday though. Today we were suppose to go all out celebrating my birthday. Well I don't feel like it and it's pouring down rain. Oh well. I'll just try and rest. I'm not suppose to do anything to get my bp up. So I have to stay less stressed. We'll see on Monday what the Dr.'s say.

Not Quite Right

I think I'm sick or something is wrong with me. Ever since I had the miscarriage in December or from the time I got pregnant I guess my body has been out of whack. I have been worn down and exhausted more than one person should be. My eyes always tell the true story about me. If I'm happy, tired, sick, etc. I had noticed that my eyes look hallowed out and just sickly for a while. When I met my mom in Greenville yesterday to pick up Mackenzie she mentioned the same thing. I don't know if I'm anemic or if my hormones are still messed up from the miscarriage. I don't feel like myself at all. I have zero, zilch energy.

After I had Mackenzie I kept having similar problems and I can't remember the other symptoms but every time I'd go to the Dr. they'd do blood works to check my thyroids. They kept thinking from my symptoms that I have a thyroid problem. They always turned out negative though. I don't know what's wrong with me but at my age I shouldn't be this sick and tired feeling. I don't think it's normal. On top of that I woke up this morning feeling slanted. When I tried to walk my body pull to one side. This is not fun. Then my blood pressure is horrifically high. What fun. I'm only 27 and I'm falling apart.