Is Life Always One Train Wreck After the Next?

I'm beginning to wonder when things are going to plateau out. They haven't in a while and I am in need of things to level out. I really am hoping it happens soon because I don't know how much longer I can go on with constant chaos. I use to thrive on chaos but I can't take any more of it. I also can't take much more of baring the brunt of my better half's frustration with work and the house. I can't handle being blamed for his stress because I'm the one that encouraged him to take this job because I thought it was going to be great for him career wise. It's not my fault that his job is stressful. I know he's working his butt off. I know it's hard. I can't help it. I try to be supportive.

I'm working and I've got the kids. Every Saturday lately I have been cleaning and doing laundry. The laundry is never ending and I can't seem to get anywhere with the house. It's the same cleaning over and over again but within 30 minutes it's a mess again. There are little things around the house that need fixing or I need to pick up something to replace the little faucet thingys or whatnot. Lee doesn't have time to do this. I quite frankly don't have it either but someone has to do it. I've been riding on a stupid donut (yes, I blew another tire after my trip to B'ham) for 6 weeks or so.

My ankles keep swelling again and i hate it. If I clean for a while they just balloon up. and yes, I'm still on both my BP meds. Work has gotten so horrible. The company has more issues than Time Magazine. I don't know what their problem is or what happened to make them start doing crazy things like not paying our insurance premiums or depositing our 401k funds into our 401k accounts. Or perhaps the fact that a multitude of offices receive notices stating that their rent hasn't been paid for 2 months. Something underhanded is going on. They just fired our general counsel b/c they didn't want to pay his salary just when he's in the middle of working on the case of the manager who stole over 70k from oen of the FL offices and he was handling the class action lawsuit in TN that our company lost and had to pay money out. Yeah, great, just great. Oh and then I found out that the 2nd in command in our company and part owner was fired 2 months ago?!?!?! What's going on?

I've got the stress of loosing my job and not being able to get another job paying me this much. I think I'm going to get an ulcer over this. It's just one thing after another.

The today Lee has a car wreck and rear-ended someone. He was all shook up and a basket case. I'm the support for him but there is only so much I know how to do when it's all negative and stressful and he doesn't want to answer any of my questions but doesn't want my help. I just want to shut down.

Part of how I handle things is by shutting down. It's a coping mechanism for me and it's not a good way to handle things but it's the best way I know how. If I didn't have kids and responsibility I'd just want to pack up and start over. It's like I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't want to answer the phone I don't want to email or IM or communicate. I need a break. I need an opportunity to have ME time. To relax. To not worry to death about my husband going literally nuts from his job and flipping out. Not to have to worry about picking up the kids by 6. Not having to worry about the stupid company I work for an the idiot who calls me about Bob and doesn't listen to anything that Bob had told him about being in Jax today thru Friday. The guy is a stupid idiot.

Can I just have a break? When do I get one? Does it ever come? Mom and dad are busy moving into their new home and can't help out. They're always busy with their own things. I have no in-laws. I have no family down here. I can't even find a fricking babysitter. I tried to find one like crazy for a dinner thingy w/ some big wigs that Lee works with at Premier Beverage. It was going to be at a nice steakhouse and totally free for us. But I couldn't find any help. I called around to different moms to get references. Couldnt' find any one.

I need to make it clear I am a very dramatic person but this isn't filled with drama. This is how I really feel. Bottomline. I don't know how one can continue to go on like I have been. I have NO support. Not from my husband and not from my family. No one. I hate it. It sucks. I'm sick of it. Just once to have someone help out. At least offer, but no one does. Everyone is busy with their own lives.