Mac 'n Cheese

I spoke to my birth mother, Bobbi, for the first time in 5 years or so and one of the things she remembered me saying years before is that mac 'n cheese is a vegetable.  She laughed and disagrees with me.  I am still holding firm and I've got the t-shirt to prove it!

Reflections

I look back over the past 32 years and there are so many things I wish I could change and do over again.  Then there are things that although they weren't the right decisions I wouldn't change for anything in this world.  The different choices I have made over the years, and yes, even the wrong ones, have made me who I am today and when it's all said and done I am happy with who I am and what I've become.

There are still things that I wish I would have said or done that I either was too scared at the time or things didn't just happen the way I intended for them to.  I do have a few regrets but not many but those regrets I would I could have do-over days.  Recently I have had things put into perspective to me and I am reminded again of how fragile and precious life is.  We never know when it will be taken away from us.  My grandmother Godfrey will be 92 this month and has lived a very full and satisfying life. We don't all get that opportunity.

Those who are very close to me know that I don't handle confrontation or personal struggles or conflict very well.  I immediately want to shutdown and shut everyone out of my life.  It's my way of dealing with the pain and even the embarrassment of something I'm going through.  Time and time I again I shutdown.  It's not healthy but it's what I do.  I'm trying to handle things in a different way because I know that it only ends up hurting those who love and care about me.  Those who truly love me might get tired of listening to or having to be there for me over problems and some of those problems/situations might be recurring ones.  No matter how tired or frustrated they may get I know they would rather have been there for me rather than me push them away and go through things alone.  That's what family and friends and love does.  

Today say the things you want to say without holding back.  Reach out to those you feel disconnected from.  Call up a friend who you haven't spoken to because of some tiff.  You never know when it might all be taken away from you and those around you will never know how you really feel.

It's Been Almost 3 Years???

Wow!  I can't believe it's almost been 3 years since I last posted.  I really need to be more active in keeping up the blog.  So much has gone on I don't even know where to begin/.  I doubt anyone even reads this anymore so I'm part of me feels as if I don't have to be filtered on here.  Kind of liberating.

I do love looking back at previous blog entries and reading back on what I had written and what I felt at a certain time.  I am going to try and be more dedicated to keeping up the blog.  It'll be nice to have something to look back on.  I also really need to update the pictures of the kids!