And Then There Were Five

So this weekend was non-stop starting Saturday morning. Our plans were for us to meet my parents in Dothan to pick up Mackenzie from them. They were going down there to watch the Auburn/Alabama game at Ben's parents house (Ben is Elizabeth's fiance). Early Saturday morning I called to check on Avery and her feedings. This was right after I wrote the last post. I was depressed about her feedings. I felt as if she'd never make it. Well she did so well Friday night that I got a phone call from her Dr. Saturday morning telling me that I could spend the night at the hospital and she could room in with me and I could bring her home today (Sunday). Boy was I excited! When I told Lee I started crying.

We left and went to Dothan and did some quick shopping w/ mom at the Target for her some Newborn size clothes since the 0-3 months are WAY too big. We got Mackenzie back with us, which felt really good. She sure did miss Jackson and the feelings were mutual. They hugged and hugged and hugged. Then we drove back listening to the big football game which made me sick to my stomach. At one point I even turned off the radio. I couldn't stand listening to the game. Thankfully I didn't listen to all of it, otherwise I'd of been sick. We drove straight to the hospital and they dropped me off around 5:30 or so.

I went upstairs to see the little booger and she had eaten at 4. I got her already to do the car seat test. She had to sit in the car seat for 1 hour and her pulse ox could not go below 80. I didn't stay for the entire hour but instead went down to the wonderful cafeteria to get something to eat as I was starved. First of all their cafeteria isn't half of what Sacred Heart's is. Secondly the food did not look that great except for the chicken fingers. They are the same ones that I loved at Sacred Heart. So I had a dinner of chicken fingers and a piece of pie. I have to say I've had better pie too.

Around 6:45 the two of us girls got all settled into our room. She was in her bassinet and I was in the very uncomfortable bed. I was so sure that I would get zero hours of sleep last night but I was suprisingly able to sleep in between her feedings. I didn't sleep as good as she did but I slept better than expected. She got up at midnight, 3:15am and 6:30 to eat. Not too bad. The Dr. and Pam, her nurse, went over the discharge instructions with me while I waited for the kids and Lee show up to pick me up. When they got there around 10:15 the kids were so excited. I took her to the back part of the nursery so they didn't have to wash their hands. They were so glad to see her. Lee didn't want to put her down.

So we survived the hour ride home. I just fed her and she's laying beside me all swaddled up and passing gas. Just like her sister in the mornings minus the swaddled part. We're all together. Our family of five. Our perfect family. Oh man, what have I gotten myself in to?

A Tad Frustrated

I'm not sure what I think about the neonatologist on duty this week. He is Indian (the dot dot kind not the rain dance kind) and is all business. I am sure he is doing what is best for Avery but it's harder for me to mesh with him because of his personality. I went up and saw Avery yesterday and was there for a little over 3 hours. I talked to the nurses about her feedings and she had taken 35 and 33cc the two feedings before I came and those are after he let her feed with a bottle every time. He told me the minimum she had to take was 30cc what he failed to tell me on the phone is that before she can come home she has to take 45cc by bottle each feeding.

This is very frustrating to me. I know he knows what's best for her but I feel as if every time I turn around she's gaining so much weight that her feeds have to be increased cc wise. I don't know if she can keep up with that. She's already hovering around 5lbs. So now have I have no clue when she might come home. I can't even put an estimate on it. I feel as if I'm going to scream my head off. I just want her to come home. I am so tired of going to the hospital and holding this precious angel and then kissing her and putting her back in her bed and leaving her. It breaks my heart every time.

Thanksgiving

Yesterday did not feel like Thanksgiving. It was a little sad not being surrounded by a whole bunch of family. I also miss not going to my cousins house in GA to be around everyone. It's the only time during the year that we see them. It was held at my counsin Neil's house for the first time and mom said the younger kids (Mackenzie's age) had a blast. I'm wondering if the cousins that are my age still have to still at the kids table or if we have graduated yet? Surely me having 3 kids would assure my graduation.

I left at 11am to go see Avery at the hospital. It was such a beautiful day outside. The sun was shining and it was in the 70's outside. It was just a perfect day to have Thanksgiving. I got to the hospital right at noon and in time for little miss priss' feeding. She was asleep so I got to wake her up. She had on the same outfit she had been wearing for 3 days so a nurse got me a new outfit for her. I'm telling you I just love seeing her little naked body. She's so petite and cute. She knew it was feeding time. You could tell by the way she was moving her mouth around.

We got all comfortable and I fed her the bottle. She again took it like a champ! She ended up taking a few more CC than she was suppose to. She also burped for the first time for me. It was a tiny and ladylike burp but it counted. She was wide awake and we just sat there until 1:45 looking at each other and me talking to her. I couldn't believe she was up that long. I am not complaining though. I savored the moment. She finally drifted off to sleep and that's when I left her. My youngest princess, how much I love you.

I was absolutely exhausted when I got home. The drive is just tiring. I got home around 3pm and Lee and Jackson were outside playing football and enjoying the day. I opted to go lay in the bed for a little bit. I sprawled out until 4 and Jackson came to join me. Our Thanksgiving dinner was very unconventional. We had steak and potatoes. Jackson was thrilled because he loves steak. I seriously think he ate more steak than I did. Well I know for a fact he did. He then finished my potato for me. He ate a whole lot for a 3 year old.

We watched some football last night. Not very interesting games being played but it was something to watch. Jackson ended up falling asleep around 8:30. I for the life of me couldn't sleep. I was up until 1am just laying in the bed. I finally drifted off until 7:30 this morning. Morning came way to early for me.

I called the NICU this morning and Avery took her midnight feeding but at 6am she had 10cc left. We were told that they couldn't finish feeding her because a c-section baby came in and all the nurses had to work on that baby. I asked if the Dr. had put her on every feed as a bottle feed. She told me he hadn't. So I asked for her to see if he would do that and to call me. I was shocked because he called me back within 5 minutes. He said that she takes at least 30cc but because the past few feedings she didn't take it all that he wasn't putting her on every feed. I didn't want to point out to him that it wasn't her fault that she didn't finish the last 10cc of the 6am feed.

He looked over her weight (which is almost 5lbs now! I can't believe it!) and he said if it's okay with me he's going to do the sink or swim approach. They are taking her tube out of her nose. They are going to feed her when she lets them know she's hungry and if she doesn't then she'll have to eat every 4 hours. If she doesn't take at least 30cc each feeding then back on the tube. I told them that I liked this idea. It gives her a chance to shine. If she can't do it at least I'll know she can't and that she's not ready. For some reason I think she'll do really well. I'm praying she does so she can come home. The Dr. on duty this week isn't as agressive and as trusting of Avery as Dr. Ladd was. I miss her.

So I'm going up there later today. Hopefully she will eat while I'm there. Come on Avery you can do it! Eat the 30cc or more each feed and you can come home! I'm pulling for you girl!

Exciting Day!

So this morning we headed up to the Dr. office for Lee to learn how to pack my wound. I took a pain pill before going because 1) the area is already uncomfortable feeling and 2) I was scared that it would hurt even worse if Lee was stuffing the hole with gauze. The Dr. did end up advising me to take 1 percocet before I have the dressing changed it time. So anyway Lee got a lesson on wound care. It was sooooo uncomfortable and I have to admit I'm dreading him doing it tonight without the Dr. helping. At the same time I'm thankful that he is willing to do this for me.

After the appointment I dropped the boys off at the house and headed over to visit Avery. She amazingly took her 9pm bottle in its entirety. I got there around 11:15 and Dr. Ladd wanted me to give her the bottle at noon. She was awake when I got there and I sat with her talking to her for a while. I brought one of her outfits that mom bought. I was finally going to dress her in an outfit of ours and not one from the hospital. (the NICU receives lots of premie/newborn clothing for the small babies to wear and most are really cute) The outfit was a Newborn size and is from 5-8lbs. It swallowed her. She's still too tiny for it to fit her well. Her little legs wouldn't stay down in the feet of the outfit. So I undressed her and put back on her other outfit.

I noticed she kept putting her hands in her mouth. She also began moving her mouth around and to the side as if she was searching for the bottle. I began feeding her at 11:50 and within 4 minutes she gulped down 22cc out of 38. It was shocking! It was the fastest she'd ever taken the formula. It is very hard to tell to see how much she had taken. I knew I had to burp her in the middle of the bottle but was hesitant to pop it out to check in fear that she wouldn't latch back on. This little girl had no problem. She actually ended up eating 40cc total. She was also passed out by the time she was done eating.

I was thrilled beyond words as the progress she made. So Dr. Ladd has changed her feedings so now she will be fed by mouth every other feed. If she keeps it up tonight/tomorrow then she will go to every feed. Then if it all goes as planned they think she will come home Saturday or Sunday at the latest. I am so excited at the thought of her coming home. There is a little bit of reservation of her coming home just because of the whole feeding thing. I know she has to have xx amount of formula a day to get enough calories and just knowing when to increase her formula, etc. She already has a Dr. appointment scheduled for Monday. I just so happened to already have it scheduled because we thought I'd be induced this past Monday and she should've been born yesterday. The ped wanted to see her on Monday based on that birthday b/c of the heart condition. She has to be seen by her ped the next business day after she is discharged. So the appointment I set is perfect!

So I guess I need to get everything ready for her arrival. Wow, I can't believe it will be coming up so soon. Mackenzie is also suppose to be coming back here on Saturday. So hopefully both my girls will be coming home on Saturday. It was a good day indeed!

Ready to Go to Bed

I have had a long day. I called first thing this morning for my Dr. appointment time. I got to go in to the lovely OB today for her to "mess" with my abcess. It was not the best experience I've ever had there. She drained it and said that it still has more that's leaking. What once was the size of a q-tip head is now the size of a quarter. She stuffed the gauze inside of the hole and it has to be changed every day. So tomorrow Lee and I go back at 9am and she is going to teach Lee how to "dress" the wound every day until December 9th when I get it stiched up. This is just so disgusting. It's also embarrassing having to have my husband deal with the nasty gross thing. I don't know if our vows covered this part.



The three of us went to visit with Avery today. The little booger wouldn't wake up for anything. I sat with her for about 30 minutes while Lee went and dropped off my prescriptions and then he and Jackson came up there. Jackson of course was enamoured with her. We got to hear him sing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" again too. She would open up an eye and that is it. They left after a while and went to check on Lee's car. I sat with her for about 2 hours total. It was nice just holding her even if I got no response from her.



Now I'm off to bed. I'm exhausted!

Doing a Happy Dance!!

I called the NICU this morning and my favorite nurse Brooke is back on duty. She said that Avery took the entire bottle again at the 3am feed. I am so amazed and happy with her! She said that she was alert this morning but it wasn't feeding time yet and then she drifted back to sleep. Then Dr. Ladd got on the phone and said that she was proud of Avery but that she doesn't trust her just yet. She's a sneaky little thing already I know. She said that she and Brooke were talking about her this morning and that she is more alert than she ever has been and has seemed to get out of the "funk" she's been in. She's more active which is probably helping her eat more.

If she eats her entire bottles at the 3pm feed today and at 3am tonight then Dr. Ladd will move her to be bottle fed every other feeding. If she can handle that for 2 days then she'll do it every feeding. I finally see an end in sight. She finally has picked up on the whole nipple, suck and swallow part. I was so happy tihs morning telling Lee that I actually cried. Just to see her make progress is so wonderful and encouraging.

I have a Dr. appointment at 10:45 this morning to have the hole cute open and drained. Yummy! Then I'm going to go visit Avery. I cannot wait to sit with the little munchkin! My mom bought her 2 outfits that are newborn size and should fit her. I'm taking them with me today. It's also a fun excuse to be able to undress her and see her perfect tiny body. I savor every time I can see her arms, legs and tummy. Her little skin is so pink and perfect but at the same time it looks as if she'll just break. So I'm off to get ready for my day. I feel it's going to be a good one, well, not the cutting me part. That's going to hurt!

She Took an Entire Bottle!!!!

I am so excited!!! I did not get to see Avery today because of my adventure in the ER. I was so disappointed and sad. I called tonight at 9 to check on her. Her nurse for the evening shift told me that she took the entire bottle at the 3pm feeding today!!!! The whole bottle! This is such a blessing! She is going to bottle feed her again at 3am and hopefully she'll take the entire bottle again. I am so thrilled over this news. I also found out from the nurse that she only had to have 10cc feed through the tube last night. She's improving.

I had been told by so many of the nurses and the Dr. that one day she'd just pick it up and there would be no looking back. Now I know this was only one bottle and we're not there just yet but this is such a great improvement. We are moving towards our goal. I thought we wouldn't make it to our goal of an entire 35cc and we did. So please keep her in your prayers. I truly believe her progress is due to the prayers of so many people. I know people from Taylor Road and my parents church have been praying for her. We appreciate it more than anything.

Gross Gross Gross

First for the sad news. I did not visit Avery today. I feel so sad and upset that I did not get to visit with her. I wish she could have felt my loving arms around here. The reason I didn't visit with her is because I spent my afternoon/early evening in the ER. Anyone who knows me knows that if something bad is going to happen it happens to me. Of course it's always the weird stuff too.



So Lee took the car today (our other one is in the shop) and was out in Panama City Beach taking care of some things. I had already cooked Jackson lunched and had finished putting up 3 loads of laundry. I was sitting down with Jackson watching TV and I was surfing the web. I believe I wrote my last post during this time. I get up to get him some more milk and I noticed the front of my shorts are wet. I quickly tried to remember if I had a drink in my lap or if Jackson had been sitting on me. Nope.

I made the mistake of pulling down my shorts and underwear. They were soaking wet and gathered in the top of my pad (I had to wear one I just had a baby, okay? It's security) had gathered this buttermilk looking mixture with a tint of blood to it. It was disgusting. I quickly go to the bathroom to look in the mirror. All I could see was this stuff all over the area by the c-section cut. I try wiping it off and then blotting it. Then some of the stuff begins running down to my leg. Yes, I'm sure I'm grossing out some of you. The only thing running through my mind is that my c-section cut has busted open and my insides were going to be hanging out and exposed.

I call Lee and tell him he has to come home immediately and take me to the hospital. I couldn't see exactly what was going on down there either. I still had these bandaid looking things down there and there was so much fluid leaking. I laid down on the bed and held a mirror to see what I could see. I'm blotting the stuff and a few of those bandaid things came off because they were saturated with the leakage. I finally get up and get Jackson's clothes together for the ER. He wouldn't come near me so I could dress him. He stood in the corner the entire time we waited for Lee. He told me he couldn't be near me because he's allergic to blood.

I finally get up and brush my teeth and fix my hair. I haven't had a shower yet but at this point I cannot worry about that. I'm just glad my hair still looked good. I throw on a t-shirt and a pair of Lee's sleep pants. He finally gets here and I get to the van and lower the seat back so I'm alsmost lying down. My Dr.'s office is finally open up after lunch so I call them to make sure that this is not normal for someone who had a c-section. Pam assures me it's not and to go to the ER and tell them Dr. Petrac is my Dr.

I get dropped off at the ER entrance and fill out the paperwork. They tell me they will try getting me back there before anyone else waiting. I have to say they were pretty busy today too. Lee comes in and of course he hates waiting much less waiting when I'm oozing all over the place. He talks to the desk people to get them to get on it. I think we waited maybe 15mins but he just kept standing the entire time. Jackson was cute and kept holding Lee's hand. He still wasn't sure he wanted to go near me. I finally get called back and they take my BP (it was 135/95, so not the end of the world), weight, and a few other things from me. My entire history is pretty much in their system because of how much time I've spent at Sacred Heart.

I go back to the room and the Dr. comes in within 2 minutes. I'm glad to report that my incision did not split wide open with my insides coming out. I have an abcess right along the incision. When I was in the hospital they told me I had an infection but they didn't realize how bad it was. Today was actually my last day on the 4 time a day antibiotics. The abcess just decided to finally split open and that's what happened. I had infection and blood coming out. I probably had a cup or so come out at the house and about half that at the hospital. It's so nasty. They hooked me up to IV fluids and took my blood. They wanted to rule out staph infection.

My blood tests came back normal and it isn't some horrible infection. They spoke to my Dr. and she wants me to come in tomorrow and she is going to cut it and drain it. In the meantime she just wanted the Dr.'s to clean the area and "explore" it. They came in with peroxide and let me tell you it burned! I've always told my kids that peroxide doesn't hurt but I guess I lied to them. They ended up pouring almost an entire bottle on the area. After they got finished I was hooked up to IV antibiotics. I have to say those antibiotics left a really bad taste in my mouth. Jackson and Lee showed back up right when they were finishing up. They had perfect timing after my call to come back up there.

So now I'm taking 2 different antibiotics twice a day to help this infection go away. I've got to go back to the Dr. again to have this thing cut open and drained. I've got gauze over it to help with the leaking. It wasn't bad until just a bit ago. I did look in the mirror and I saw the hole. It is about the size of the head of a q-tip. It's gross looking and the stuff just runs from it. I wonder how much is left in there. So that's my gross story for the month. At least my guts were hanging out!

Awww...

I had my blog up and I scrolled down to look at the picture of Avery. I just love looking at her face. Jackson asked to see it and he said "Awww... she's so gorgeous!". How sweet, adorable and loving was that? He's such a sweetheart. I cannot wait for his big sister to come home, I miss that sweetheart too!

Our Visit with Avery

I had such a good visit with Avery today. We got there right at 3 and when we walked in the nurse said she was awake and looking around. I washed up first and went in while Jackson and Lee washed up. I went over to her and she was just looking all around. I took 2 pictures of her because I was so excited she finally had her eyes open. Jackson came and sat on a tall chair so he could see her. He was super excited. I was changing her diaper and he's just a talking to her. Of course when I changed it she ended up pooping in the middle of it. It reminded me of Jackson.

I then held her up so he could look right at her. He of course sang his song to her and she loved it I'm sure. I know I did. Dr. Ladd came over and introduced herself to Lee. She then tried talking to Jackson but he'd having nothing to do with her. I then took her temperature and it was just fine. I took my time though with her. I made the diaper change and temp reading last a long time. I was trying to savor the time I had with her. I also wanted Jackson to see as much of her awake as I could. Alas, she would not let me delay the feeding anymore.

Jackson and Lee left to go play at McDonald's while I tried feeding her. Dr. Ladd came over and showed me a certain way to hold her to help her eat which was a very strange position but I had seen other babies in the NICU being feed like this. She also showed me how to hold the bottle and put my ring finger under her chin. Using this finger to slowly push her chin up to help encourage her to suck on the bottle. She would start sucking and then stop. It was an on going game for us. After 10 minutes she took 10cc which they said was good. I tried burping her. You can't throw premies over your shoulder but instead you have to have them on your leg semi sitting up and "beat" their back. Apparently my touch wasn't hard enough. Dr. Ladd came over to show me how do burp her. She said my pats were too comforting. She finally let out a tiny burp for her.

I then started feeding her again. She ended up eating a total of 17cc for me which they said was really good. Dr. Ladd said she could see her responding to me with her body movements. Not sure exactly what that means but I guess it's good. It was just the first time she was this awake. It was so wonderful. While I was waiting for someone to put the rest of the food in her feeding tube I decided to check her diaper. I thought I smelled something. Sure enough she had pooped and a lot! It was really gross but I have to admit I love changing her diapers. It's really the only time I can see and touch her legs and tummy. I'm sure after a while I will get tired of changing diapers again.

I held her while she had the rest of her food through her tube. I just sat there looking at her eyes and talking to her. I told her that her brother wanted to trade her for a dog on the way over to the hospital. I'm sure she wasn't too happy about that. After her feeding they swaddled her up for me and I just held her. She finally drifted off to sleep. Her tummy all full and hopefully dreaming of her mommy who loves her so much.

It just kills me to leave her there. It's not easy making the drive either. It took us a little under an hour yesterday to get there. It's tiring and trying. I do it out of love for her. So I just pray that I can keep up with everything and keep my energy and strength.

*** I took these two pictures when I first got there. I was just so excited to see her awake!

And She Eats!

I called earlier this morning to check on Avery and her nurse said that she ate 20cc by bottle last night at 3am. I had already planned to go and visit her in time for her 3pm feeding. I just assumed that she would be fed through her tube but I wanted to hold her during it. The nurse said that she would be bottle feeding her at 3pm. When I told her I planned to be there she said I could do it. I am so excited to feed her! So ate 3pm the 3 of us are going to go visit her and I get to feed her. I cannot wait!

C-Sections

Maybe I'm being a baby but the whole c-section is still a really painful experience. It's been over a week and it's continues to be very sore and hurt. Oh and if you own a minivan well getting in and out of it after a c/s is NOT a fun time. I'm grabbing on to the "oh crap bar" and then the armrest to help pull me in. I guess watching me it might be quite humorous. On top of that Jackson keeps asking me if he can look at the hole in my stomach. I'm not sure why he is so fascinated with it but he is.

So for those of you who are pregnant do what you can do avoid a c/s. If no one else tells you I will. It is painful. I mean really really painful. Getting in and out of bed is not an easy thing and lying on your side, well it'll take a little bit. So is sitting down to potty, well the lowering process is just uncomfortable. I honestly don't know how people can come home from the hospital after a c/s with their new baby and 2 other kids and not be worn out and do it all.

The good news financially though is I've decided I'm never ever getting a tummy tuck. I've wanted one for years but after this c/s I'm not letting anyone cut into my stomach again. So I will be striking the tummy tuck off my list of things to save money for. :-)

Semi Lazy Day

It was so nice to just sleep until I woke up. No alarm clocks. No plans. No nurses checking my blood pressure. Jackson and I woke up a little after 8:30. It was nice being a little lazy lying in the bed watching TV. Then of course Jackson started getting out his pirate ship, Diego truck, his 3 Diegos, etc. Pretty soon my bed was covered in toys. He is so content to play for hours on his own. It's cute to watch him with the toys and how he plays with them.

Lee was already up when we got up. I guess after I woke him up the 2nd time for his snoring he had a hard time falling back asleep. There is nothing worse than not being able to sleep due to his snoring or because the TV in the den is up so loud. Actually that's what's going on now. He's snoring quite loudly and the TV is up way too loud. I was in and out of sleep until my mom called around 9:45 to check on Avery. Now I'm up. I wouldn't have even noticed his snoring otherwise.

I went and visited Avery late this afternoon for an hour. It takes me around 50 minutes to get to the hospital from our house and it's just a long drive. Avery was soundly sleeping when I got there and pretty much stayed that way the entire visit. She opened one eye for me a couple of times. I think it was only because one of her friends was crying. I want to see her because I want her to know I'm still around but at the same time I don't know if it makes a difference. I want to think it does. It's just tiring to go and visit her and then it's frustrating because she doesn't really wake up or respond to me. I will continue to faithfully visit her but it is exhausting.

I know I shouldn't expect more from her because for one thing babies sleep around 20-22 hours a day. I'm sure she sleeps that or more because she's a premie. I'm just ready to see her wake up and see her eyes. The cute baby eyes that are glassy looking and are almost all the same shade of this dark cloudy blue. The little eyes that will every once in a while cross each other that you want her to stop.

Jackson was sad that he didn't go today to visit her. He stayed with Lee and they watched Liar Liar on TV. The spent some one on one time together. I also found more toys in my bed when I got home. Uh huh. Making more of a mess while I'm out. When I got home we all piled into the bed and watch the Texas Tech and Oklaohoma game. Well I don't know if game is the right word because I don't think Texas Tech showed up for the game. It's the start of the 4th quarter and The score is TT 14 and OK 65. Yeah, not much of a game. It's fun for us to watch it together. Jackson said he was for the red team. He'd get all excited when they'd run with the ball.

When we realized that there wasn't much to keep watching we turned on My Big Fat Redneck Wedding. It's on CMT and is hosted by Tom Arnold. It is a guilty pleasure show that the 4 of us enjoy watching. Mackenzie especially loves the show. It's also something that we wait to watch until both Lee and I can watch it together. It's something silly and stupid but it is something we do together which doesn't happen often. I am utterly amazed by some of the people on the show. The first one the kids and I watched was filmed in Marbury, AL. It's up US 31 just north of Prattville. It was hysterical because I know where the city is and then sad because how redneck and tacky they were. The show gives us a good laugh and Tom Arnold's commentary makes it even more fun to watch.

Today was a very lazy day but a nice one. It was really cold out and is not meant for people to be outside. On the way home from the hospital the temp was 39. Ridiculous. I'm already ready for spring.

Saturday Morning Update

Dr. Ladd called us this morning to give us an update on Avery. She got the x-ray of her heart back (I thought it was an u/s but that's what I get when Lee talks to the Dr. and relays it back to me). She said it was a little hazy and got another one done and also compared it to another VSD small hole x-ray and they're the same. So nothing else is going on with her heart that we didn't know about.

The scan of her head has not come back yet. She said that she had that done just to make sure that all of the vessels, etc. had finished forming. She said that she was on the upper cusp of when the final development is completed in utero. She doesn't expect it to come back with anything wrong but she's doing this to rule everything out.

Good news is she took 20cc of formula last night! Apparently Avery has shown them that she is the boss and they've had to bow down to her. She will open up her eyes but won't become fully alert when they want her to. She'll put up her hand to her face and becomes stubborn like her mom. So they are only trying to feed her PO (meaning by the bottle/mouth) when she is crying/making noise on her own. So last night she was throwing a fit in her bed at feeding time and that's when they tried feeding her PO. She took half of the bottle which shows she knows how to eat. It's now just a matter of her doing it. It also tires her to eat so she can't do it every time.

So that was good news to get at 9am this morning. We will be visiting her a little later today. I don't know exactly what time though. Lee's car broke down last night and it's in the shop. We should find out soon if the starter sensor is the only thing wrong (please let it be the only thing wrong) because it's less than $100 to fix. I have a feeling we won't be doing anything until we know what's going on with it.

Off to find Jackson something to eat. I have been holding him off from eating Mac 'n Cheese since 8 this morning and I think my will has finally broken. I don't care but at 10:30 it's close enough to 11 to eat lunch.

My Two Men

So tonight after I wrote my last post Jackson and I were laying in the bed watching TV and just enjoying each other. Lee would come in and out and play around with Jackson and just have a good time. Lee came in and asked if we wanted to watch Armageddon with him. Of course a space movie he would love to watch. So the three of us laid in the bed watching the movie. During the commercials we'd joke around and of course Lee would antagonize Jackson. Jackson would flick him. It was just a lot of fun. It's not often we can sit down and watch a movie together. Lee usually can't sit still that long with us and we can't ever agree on a movie.

Lee sleeps on the couch at night because I can't stand the TV being on, his crazy hours and of course his snoring. I told Jackson that Lee and I snuggled last night in the bed. I can't remember why that came up in our conversation but he kept asking me about it. So tonight on during a commercial break Jackson asks the two of us to show him how we were snuggling. He was adamant about it. So I did and then he came to the other side of me to snuggle with us. It was really cute and really sweet.

So all in all tonight was a nice night. I spent it with my two favorite men. Hopefully before long I can have a movie night with my 2 favorite girls.

Long Day

My morning started very early today. Okay, not early compared to most people but for me it was early. Mackenzie had her Thanksgiving play in her classroom today at 9 and Lee and I went. My parents came and brought Jackson. We were going to take Jackson home with us but dad was so nice to watch Jackson while we went to visit Avery at the NICU.

I went in to visit with her while Lee took care of some business in FWB. I was so happy to be there while she was still receiving her feeding through the tube. I also adored her nurse today. Her name is Brooke and she use to work for Sacred Heart's NICU. Avery has gained a whole ounce since yesterday and is a whopping 4lbs 5ozs. She is STILL not taking the bottle though. It's very frustrating as a parent because you have a shockingly healthy baby who just won't eat and you can't bring her home. I still as I type and look across the room at the empty bassinet with the Boppy sitting in it.

The Neonatologist on this week (there are 2 and they each work one week on and one week off) is great. She's a black lady in her 40's who is absolutely hysterical. She's so sweet, talks a lot, is very thorough and talks to the parents to explain everything. She actually just called us to give us an update on her feedings. She went over Avery today and her heart u/s. The type of hole should not be a factor in her eating problems which is a good thing. Her corrected age is 35 weeks and 5 days. Most babies get the sucking down pat in the 36th week so it's not out of the norm for her age.

Dr. Ladd wanted to try feeding her at the next time to work on her and see exactly what it is she responds to, etc. In order to try and feed her she wanted her to be really awake and alert. Now that was a hoot to watch. She rubbed her head, changed her diaper, but the stethoscope (sp?) on her chest, rubbed her belly... I mean tried everything and she just wouldn't get up for her. So as Dr. Ladd put it she won this round but the Dr. would win the next one. The phone call from her tonight showed that Avery still won. She tried feeding her at 3 and 6 and could only get her to take 10cc of formula. She just has no interest in eating.

She thinks that it's just because of her age but she talked to Lee about getting another heart u/s done and a scan of her head. She said it is just to rule out anything else. She said that worst case it is something she might need medicine for to help her with. Not sure the entire details but will ask her tomorrow when I see her. She told us not to worry that she just likes to be thorough and make sure she knows what she's dealing with. So I'm not going to worry. I just want my baby home!

Oh... Mackenzie's play at school was so cute. It was more of a skit. It was held in her classroom and it was packed with parents. Jackson loved seeing her. Mackenzie did a great job too. Dad picked her up from school today and headed with her to Birmingham. I miss her so much. Jackson was also sad that she was leaving. He wanted to be with her. I think he's over that now that he's home. He is perfectly content being here. I'm just going to be happy when she comes home. I do have to say I am bracing myself for the chaos that she brings. Put her and Jackson together and it's loud trouble. Cute, but loud.

So all in all it was a good day. I am so thankful for my parents. They have done so much for us and been there when no one else has. I am ecstatic that we are moving to Birmingham. Lee was officially offered and accepted a job today in the B'ham area. He goes to TN for two weeks for orientation either on December 8th or December 28th, it depends on if the 8th's training is already full. Then he'll spend 6 weeks in the Crestview, FL store about 45mins from our house. I'm going to look at the school calendars in B'ham and either move up there after Christmas break or after the 1st semester is over in January. I'm not sure yet. I can't wait to live close to my parents. It's a little funny because my sister is moving from there down to Panama City in May and we're moving up there. I can't believe she's getting married.

Updates

I was finally discharged from the hospital yesterday. Avery is still in the NICU and it was so hard to say goodbye to her when we left. Yesterday morning when I went to visit her the head neonatologist was asking if anyone wanted to be transferred closer to their home. They were picking up other newborns from the Panama City area that required a Level 3 NICU and Sacred Heart is the only hospital in the area that has one. When they do a run such as this they will do courtesy transfers to the hospitals in Fort Walton Beach and Panama City that have a Level 2 NICU like Avery is in. I volunteered so that Avery could be in Fort Walton Beach and be closer to us.

Avery was transferred this morning along with a little boy. They arrived at 11:30am at Fort Walton Beach Medical Center. I called to check on her a little after noon and they had already started her feeding. Actually she was suppose to eat at 11 but because of the drive she didn't eat until noon. So her feeding schedule is at 12, 3, 6 and 9.

Okay, so back to yesterday. Coming home was such a depressing experience. Mackenzie and Jackson were and are still with my parents here in Destin. I hadn't seen them since the day I had Avery and I miss them so much. On top of that I walked into our bedroom to the bassinet sitting there empty and all of the other baby things that Lee had set out while I was in the hospital. We got home at 4:30 and I didn't leave the bed until this morning around 10. I just laid here and cried and cried last night. I just missed my babies. Lee tried to remind me that I should enjoy the peace and quiet and take care of my body so it can heal and before I know it I will have 3 kids up under me. He is right but it's something a mother feels.

So today we went to the hotel my parents are staying at and I saw Jackson! Oh he was such a wonderful sight. Man how I missed my little man. He was showing off his dance moves and was just bouncing around the room. I asked for a kiss and he told me later. That little booger. We sat and talked to my mom and dad for a bit and then we all went and ate at Cracker Barrel. It was the first meal I had had since yesterday's lunch. I took it easy and got a grilled chicken tenderloin sandwich. Yum yum.

When we got finished there mom, Lee and I went to the hospital to see Avery. I rode over with mom so she and I could talk. She has truly been a saint and so wonderful the past few weeks. She has sacrificed not only money but her time and energy. She hasn't complained once when I know it can be taxing on her. She has been so truly selfless and even though I've worried about her taking them on and missed them so she's been so calming to me about it. She knows how much I worry about burdening her and she's just been so gracious. I know she wouldn't have it any other way but it's a wonderful gift.

It was funny on the ride over there because we were talking about the time they were there at the hosptial. The fact that I don't remember much is almost sad but it provides a few laughs. I was so out of it that it's almost embarassing. Apparently I'd repeat what she'd tell me to Lee but add a major twist to it that he'd call them to make sure what I said was right and of course I was wrong. I apparently spoke in a soft voice and made no sense whatsoever. I still feel badly about the early morning phone calls I made to Brad, Jessica and Leigh.

I digress.

We get to the hospital and go up to see Avery. Lee and I went in first. There she was so small and tiny. So adorable. Her nurse, Pam, went over things with me. She is up to 4lbs 4ozs so a little less and an ounce over her birth weight which is good. She's grown taller too, a whole 17.5 inches. I spoke to their head neonatalogist and he said that Avery looks very good. He increased her feeding by 10cc. He said in his opinion he thinks that she will be home in a week. Part of me thinks that is very ambitious but we will see. Lee left after 15 mins or so and had to head out to talk to someone about a job in Birmingham (that's for another post).

Oh and while we were talking to the nurse we found out that both Jackson and Mackenzie could come in a visit with Avery!!!!! They both had to be healthy and not sick and scrub for 2 minutes but it was such a wonderful blessing. They were not allowed to visit at Sacred Heart. To me this really helps the entire family. The siblings can be apart of things and see their new baby sister. It is exciting for them and seeing their faces and reactions for the first time today was one of the most amazing moments I've been apart of.

Okay, so when mom came in I was in the middle of changing her poopy diaper. It was more poop than I'd seen her do before. It was so much that some got on her outfit. I have to admit it was a little exciting because I got to change her and that mean seeing all of her little bitty body. I wait to put on the long sleeve/footed outfit until mom got in there. I wanted her to be able to see her chicken legs too. Man she's so tiny. Pretty much no fat on her at this time. Although I can tell her cheeks are getting a little fat to them. It was time for her feeding, through the tube, and I let mom hold her for it. Mom was just a talking to her and Avery was so alert for quite some time. She kept looking at mom and it was so sweet. It was really cute to hear what she was saying to her. Mom told her that she'll look so different in a week and 2 days when she sees her again. Which in all honesty is probably true. They change so fast.

After her feeding dad and the kids arrived at the hospital. Dad brought Mackenzie in and it took my breath away seeing her. I forgot how tall and beautiful she is. She finished washing her hands first and got to see her before dad did. She had her eyes so wide and looks at her and says "she is so beautiful" in the sweetest most loving way. She sat down in the chair and she held Avery. I have to say it did not last long at all. She told me to take her because she weighed too much. "she's heavier than a million books" is the other way she expressed the heaviness of her 4lb sister. Then Avery was passed on to dad. He got his high pitched voice going as he did with Mackenzie and Jackson. It is something people around Taylor Road noticed once Mackenzie was born. I think she just opened up one eye for him. It is something Mackenzie remembers well.

Then it was Jackson's turn. I think he was the most excited of the two of them. He barely could contain himself. He came up to her and asked me twice where's Avery. She was in my hands but he thought she was a doll. She was in all those blankets and her face was so perfect looking even with the tape on her face holding the feeding tube. Then I showed him her breathing and it finally clicked. He kept talking to her and saying "Hey Avery it's me, Jackson" over and over again. He got upset for a moment when she wouldn't talk back to him. We had to explain that babies don't talk. At one point I put my hands above her forhead to see if she would open her eyes. He told me to make her open them. Thank goodness she did! Then in the sweetest voice he began singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star to her. The same song he sang to her while she was in my belly. I had tears in my eyes. It was truly a wonderful moment.

Today has been a very exhausting day but has been so wonderful. My family has finally all met each other. My two precious children were angels while meeting their newest sibling. My parents were so great to see and talk to. I finally didn't feel so empty any more. It has been decided that Mackenzie is going to my parents after school tomorrow to spend her Thanksgiving week. Jackson is going to stay here with us. I just couldn't bear to be away from both of them any more and she wanted to go to my parents. In all honesty it's easier handling just one at a time and I think it's best to reintroduce the kids one by one. Especially after seeing the two of them rile each other up tonight at the hotel. Man it's out of control.

Mackenzie has her play tomorrow at school and after it's over we'll get Jackson from my parents. This is my last night of quiet and a chance to get a good nights rest. I've taken my motrin, percocet, iron and antibiotic for the night. I should sleep well. I just know that being at her school by 9 is going to be hard. It takes me so much longer to get ready now that I'm slow to move around.

So this is what's going on. Miss Avery is still in the NICU and one of my kids is coming home tomorrow. I'll post pictures of the kids and Avery later.

Avery's First Pictures

My dad took this picture of her. It was her first picture! She's so tiny!



Random NICU Pictures... despite the feeding tube and the needle in her head (which was taken out on 11/17) she's beautiful!









Here are pics of the kids in the scrubs that Lee wore during the c-section. This was taken while I was still in recovery.

Avery Reynolds Ussery 11/14/08 @ 4:34pm

I am very happy to announce the birth of Avery Reynolds Ussery. She was born on Friday, November 14th at 4:34pm via c-section at Sacred Heart Hospital in Pensacola. Her arrival that day was very unexpected but was also welcomed. She was born at 34 weeks and 5 days old. I'll give a brief recap of her birth and one day post a more detailed version.

On Thursday the 13th I went to my regular Dr. appointment. They did the NST and Avery wsn't moving around as much as she could but this is something we go through every single week. Dr. Petrac wanted me to have a complete ultrasound down to see how much she weighed and to make sure I hadn't lost any of my fluid. I go over to Labor & Delivery for what should have been a routine moniotoring session. Boy was I wrong.

My blood pressure started kicking up and would settle down. I had the u/s down in the meantime and they showed that everything was just fine with her. It still had her appx weight at 4lbs 9oz which is odd because that what it had been 2 weeks prior. Dr. Petrac came by to see me around 7pm and told me that after the meds she had given me and with me being calm and still my BP still didn't go down at all that they would be sending me to Pensacola. She couldn't promise me that they would deliver me but she told Dr. Dobak, one of the specialists, that I was 34w4d and had both of my steroid shots. I started tearing up because ultimately in the end I did really want to make it to 36 weeks and for her to deliver me. She wished me luck and hugged me.

I was so nervous. Lee had a job interview the next day, Friday, in B'ham and I didn't want to mess it up if this was just another precautionary trip that may or may not be worth it. I called my mom first and gave her the news and she and dad were heading down here that night. I called Lee and broke the news to him. I kept apologizing because I hated messing things up. I made arrangements for Mackenzie to spend the night with Stella and Emily and for Maria to take her to school on Friday.

The ambulance came and took me to the wonderful town of Pensacola. They already had a room waiting for me and I got settled in. I still had no idea what the Dr.'s here were going to do. The resident showed up and went over my history and told me that I was borderline pre-eclamptic. They were going to have me to a 24hr urine test to see if the protein was back. I was a hard case to diagnos officially because I had chronic hypertension. I practically begged to be induced but he said he couldn't make that call with what he had so far. I just need a little something to push me over the edge. He did assure me that Dr. Dobak would be meeting with me in the morning. This is the Dr. I really wanted to talk to and who ultimately would make the call because he's my high risk Dr.

I got my ambien and slept through the night. I had Lee sitting tight at the house until I had spoken to Dr. Dobak and knew what our plan was. My parents were on standby at the hotel in Destin. As I was talking to mom I began to wonder if everyone jumped the gun and I would be sent back home. My BP was running fairly decent during this time. Finally around 10:30 Dr. Dobak came in my room and started going over everything with me. He said that there just wasn't quite enough to make he induce me but it would not take much for him to start the process. He said he wanted to do a full scan of Avery on the u/s machine.

Looking back I feel like an idiot. As his tech is scanning my belly I am trying to figure out a way for him to induce me. He tells me that if my BP cannot be controlled or keeps climbing when they up my dosages then that's enough for him to induce me. I knew that the meds could be given all the way up to 2400mg daily how many times would we go through the process of upping them etc. I basically didn't want to end up sitting in a bed for a week having them go up and pumping my dosage up and they go down and they go back up. Repeat 10 times.

He didn't get a chance to answer me because the tech said that there was a problem. The baby is less than 10%. I knew that meant her weight and development. The scan showed her at 3lbs 9oz. He says to me "well there's your reason. You're going to be having this baby today." There u/s machine is way better than the one in Destin and much more accurate. I was going to be induced until the u/s showed that she went from head down position at the beginning of it to breech position all within 30 minutes or so. That is when it was announced that I would be having a c-section at 4pm. He had to give me enough time to digest my grits from breakfast.

I am semi-freaking out while she finishes the u/s. By now it's 11:55 and I start making phone calls to Lee and my parents. Plan was for Lee to drop off Jackson with my dad at the hotel and head over. My dad would pick up Mackenzie from school and head over. Mom would drive herself over here since she and dad brought two cars on their trip down.

From the time I made it to my room and started making phone calls my BP went shooting up. I'm talking 180/112, etc. Between 12:30 and 3:30 I was given 6 dosages or so of high powered drugs to drop by BP but it still didn't budge. I was now officially pre-elamptic and didn't even have to be at this point to deliver. Mom had already headed over here and got here around 3:15 and Lee showed up right before 4. At one point they were going to rush me in to the delivery room for a c-secion because my BP wasn't coming down. Thankfully they waited so Lee could be there.

Mom was there while they prepped me in the room for the surgery. I got my catheter, wrist bands, gown, etc. Oh, they started my magnesium too. I hate the mag. It makes me feel all icky and besides that it impaires my thoughts. It was so nice to see mom's face there. I was so glad that someone had finally arrived. I have to admit I felt so alone the entire time I had been there. I know I had specifically even told people to just wait but I really wished someone was with me.

A little before 4 they roll me in to the operating room. They have Lee in his white jumpsuit, scrub hat and shoe covers. He has to wait while they finish prepping me. I go in this sterile room to the radio playing "Low Rider". Very interesting to say the least. I get my spinal block and lie down. My legs are so numb and I realize that everything is just naked on the table except for my gown covering my chest. So much for modesty. Once they had me hooked up to the machines Lee comes in.

The NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) nurse is on standby in the room and the 2 Dr.'s come in. They are ready to start cutting. I don't feel the cut. I feel pressure and moving around but not any pain which is amazing. The anethesiaologist was very attentive and certainly earned her money. She made sure that I felt okay and all my stats were good. A couple of times I thought I was going to pass out and it was because my BP went down to 60/40 which for me is like I'm dead. She actually had to give me some meds to bring it up.

About 10 minutes into the procedure they begin getting Avery out. I told Lee to stand up and look. He sees them trying to get to her and she came out feet first. She didn't cry at first and it made me so nervous. I remember asking if she was okay and everyone said she was. I kept asking if she had cried. I remember finally hearing her cry out. It was short but she cried and she was breathing on her own! The rest happened so quickly. I'm being sewn back up and Lee goes over to see her. At the very end he brings her over to me and tears start flowing down my face. She's so beautiful and small. I'm so worried about her too.

They staple me up and take her to the NICU. She weighs 4lbs 3.2ozs and is 16.75 inches long. She never had to be on any oxygen. She breaths just fine. However she is not the best eater right now. She is still refusing to eat more than a few CC's at a time. She is being fed the rest of each bottle threw her feeding tube in her nose. As soon as she can eat 35CC every 3 hours on her own over a 48 hour period she can come home. It looks as if she'll be here for another week to two weeks.

I am still in the hospital this lovely Tuesday night because of my BP. It has gotten out of control again. I've also gotten an infection in my c-section area. I'm on heavy antibiotics for that. I'm being pumped full of HP meds every day too. I'll probably be discharged tomorrow because I've been here so long but I'll be sad to leave where Avery is. I have signed up for the Ronald McDonald house and am 2nd in line. It's a free place for mom and dad to stay when their little one is in the hospital. If I get in then it will be easy to come see her every day. I know mom will continue to help out too.

So that is Avery's birth story. I feel guilty for wanting her to be born early because I was so tired and literally sick from carrying her. I almost feel responsible for her feeding delay but then I am reminded by the specialist that he had to take her for her health and mine. She is beautiful as can be but oh so tiny.

I'll post pics in a little bit.

A Broken Machine and Ricotta Cheese

For the past 2 days my blood pressure readings had been crazy high. Yesterday they got so high that I was truly scared I'd be sitting at home and have a stroke or seisure and just die. So I called the Dr. to see if I could just come in for a BP reading. So Jackson and I got ready and headed up to the Dr.'s office. I sat in the waiting room forever it seemed but then finally Nina called me back. The first reading she got was really high too. Then she tried a larger cuff for my fat arm and finally used their automated machine. It was reading at 153/105. It's high but not as high as the 173/105 reading I got at the same time I used my machine. So thankfully it's my machine that's off by 20 points or so. I cannot tell you how much better it made me feel.

I have my scheduled appointment today at 2:45. I guess we'll have to figure out why my BP is still reading so high when I'm on the new BP med that knocked it way down in the hospital. I don't want my Dr. to think I'm obsessive or crazy for coming in to have it checked but I'm just concerned. Especially when my body doesn't feel right at the same time. My fingers are so swollen I can't even put my rings on. Now that's bad when my engagement ring would fly off my hand at time (I know I know I need to get it sized).

Lee had his interview with Cracker Barrel yesterday. This isn't the job he necessarily wants but it's a good back up plan. That was how he felt until he met with the guy again. He has an interview tomorrow in Birmingham with Lone Star Steakhouse and he was told that they laid off a bunch of the higher paid and long time managers and were promoting up the lessor paid managers to cut down on costs. That's not a good way to treat your employees. Yes, Cracker Barrel isn't as prestigous as some of the other places he could go but if he goes there they will pay to relocate us to B'ham, have great benefits and a 2 year GM plan. I don't know what he ultimately will decide but I'll support him with whatever he choses. I'm just glad the interview and manager test he took went so well. He actually scored a 100 on it. Not too bad I'd say.

So late in the afternoon Lee heads to Kelly's, the little podunk grocery store in Freeport to see if they had some boxes we could use. Oh and I wanted him to pick up a loaf of their french bread because I've been a carb eating machine lately. While he was gone something triggered me look for lasagna recipes. I found one and had most of the ingredients except for the noodles, one more can of tomatoes, ground beef and ricotta cheese. So I called him and asked him to pick those up while he was out. I've been on a major Italian kick with this pregnancy and anything Italian is soooooooo good.

So I start making the sauce while he's gone. I was doubling the sauce recipe per the suggestion of those who had cooked it before and the only thing lacking was the extra can of crushed tomatoes. I put all of the spices in it and I'm getting so excited about the dinner we were going to have. He calls me for a reminder about the type of tomatoes I needed. Then I get the dreaded news. They are out of every size and brand of riccotta cheese. I'm so sad. No, I feel devestated over the news. You know when you're craving something so much and you almost have it and then someone takes the plate out from under you? That's how I felt. They promised him they'd get more in this morning.

I ended up putting the sauce in the refrigerator. He's going to go back up there today and try again for the cheese. I've heard people use cottage cheese but I don't like it and mine has to have ricotta cheese. The Turkish lady that Lee has become friends with at the One Stop Shop (small podunk gas station) told him that. He told her he was dealing with a picky eater and a pregnant woman and it just wouldn't work for me. I know I can be difficult but man I was wanting that for dinner last night. So I will try again today.

I took Mackenzie to school yesterday and I just love the time we spend together in the mornings. I know I'm not suppose to be out of bed at all (I know, including making lasagna) but Lee had his interview and it's our time together. I also picked her back up because Lee wasn't quite back yet. She was so excited telling me about her writing assignments and brainstorming session. Oh and she was telling me that the hook she wrote for her story was the best hook in the class after they voted.

She then told me that her brainstorming session was to write down things that you are looking forward to at Thanksgiving. Then she had to pick 2 to write about. Do you know what the 2 things she is looking forward to the most? Spending time with Jackson and Avery's birth. How incredibly sweet is that? Her eyes were lighting up as she spoke. She's getting more and more excited the closer it gets. I told her that she wanted a baby sister and she is finally getting one. Then she started rattling off that when she's 16 she'll be 8, 24 and she'll be 16, etc. That's really scary. I never thought when Mackenzie would be 24 and I'd be 44 that I'd still have one at home.

Jackson just asked me where the needles are. I asked him what needles and he pointed to the places on my hands, wrist and arm where they had the IV in and took blood from me. I told him that they took them out and threw them away. He said he didn't like needles. I told him that they'll just put in needles one more time and that's when I'm at the hospital having Avery. He then pointed to my belly and said "Avery you can't come out because mama will have to have a needle in her hand". It was really cute.

Well Handy Manny is coming on and I have to watch it with my little man. I have to watch the talking tools. I can't wait!

I sat here for a minute trying to figure out a title for today's post. I can't think of anything. It's all be redundant. I'm sick of having HBP and I'm counting down the days until I'm induced. I really wish my face and lips weren't so swollen. I've already got big lips and they don't need to be any bigger. When I smile it looks like my eyes are almost lost in the puffiness. The ladies that just glow during pregnancy and talk about how wonderful it is must be crazy. Don't get me wrong I love feeling Avery move all about and it's so amazing knowing that there is a human being in my tummy but it's not a walk in the park.

The whole idea of complete bedrest with bathroom priviledges is a joke. How does a Dr. seriously expect a mother of 2 to stay in bed? It's impossible. My BP has already started climbing back up really high and I'm even taking that new med like I'm suppose to. I really think the only way to keep it down is by tying me down to a hospital bed. I am not wishing that at all but it's the only time it goes down. My mom keeps asking me if I need her to come down and I keep telling her no. I hate for her to put her life on hold to help me out. Besides the fact that Lee hasn't finished helping me clean up the house doesn't help.

He's out of the house right now heading to P'cola for a job interview. He doesn't want the job but it's his backup plan. He's under all this stress and pressure trying to find a job and I want to just explode. Yes, he has handled it better than I expected but he's still making himself sick over this. Not like before but his negative attitude is just a downer. I'm so tired of negativity. When I'm positive he tells me it just makes him feel worse and puts more pressure on him. I give up. I don't know what to say to him anymore.

What I don't think he understands is that deep down I think his anxiety and stress is hurting my health right now. I don't let him get to me and it's not negative all the time but I think in a subtle way it is. Most of the time I've been feeling completely relaxed and so forth but it's still sky high. It can't help having a stress bomb ticking in the other room.

I did get some great news yesterday. Jana has it worked out so she can be here for Avery's birth. I cannot tell you how happy that makes me. I know we don't see each other but every 6 months or so it seems but she's still my best friend. I can't wait for her to be apart of this as she was for Jackson. I know this may sound awful but I sometimes feel as if she may be around longer than Lee will be. Read into it what you want but sometimes I feel as if he may just fall apart one day and it'll just be me and the kids. There goes my positive thinking.

Oh and now his sister who never had time to see the kids, ever, even when she was down here visiting wants to come see Avery when she's born. Oh and bring her boyfriend who is old enough to be her dad. I'm sorry but I just don't want her around. She heard from her grandmother that I was pregnant a while back and she sends Lee and email asking if the rumor around the campfire is true that I'm "knocked up again". She has had no interest in any of us at all but once she cheats on her devoted husband and starts the divorce and finds a new man she wants to come down here. I'm not interest in watching her show off the 47 year old man. That's just disgusting. She's my age for goodness sakes. She's just a self centered person who I don't see as changing.

I'm going to go back to my position of laying still on the bed. Somehow I don't think it's going to help but I'm just following orders. Which honestly doesn't happen very often.

Counting Down

Two weeks from today should be Avery's birthday, November 25th. I can't believe that it's coming up on us so quickly. I had my appointment at L&D yesterday for my NST and urine check. This was the first week that I passed the NST without having to be there for hours and hours and have an ultrasound. I also passed my urine test. Yipee! That just shows that the BP meds they put me on are working well. I hate the way it makes me feel but if it works then I'm glad. I have only one more appointment at the L&D which is next Monday. Then the next time I see them is for my induction. I am really happy.

Physically I am so ready to have Avery. My body is just ready to pop her out. However, in every other way I'm not so ready. I haven't boiled the bottles and pacifiers yet. I don't have the house all straightened up like I want it. I haven't had time to box up things in the house. I have already washed all of her burp cloths, which reminds me I need some more, blankets, outfits size 0-3 months, etc. I put them all up. They're so tiny and cute. I started packing my bags for the hospital too. I've got the camera and charger in there. I need to get the video camera and that charger too. Writing this blog is like a little reminder for me.

I hope Lee doesn't mind me putting this on the blog, but it's not like he reads it anyway, but he was laid off from his job last Thursday. A couple of weeks ago when I was still at Jana's his big big boss came from Texas and gave him the option to move to Palm Beach or to be laid off. When he realized his situation with me and the pregnancy he told Lee that he would hold off on everything and it wouldn't be until January or February that he would need him to go to the Palm Beach store. Yes, it was a crazy day and emotionally taxing. We put faith in what Lee was told and he was going to start looking for another job because he had been blindsided and we figured based on their word we had until January before we'd be asked to move again. (By the way we had no intention of moving to Palm Beach, even if it was a temporary thing for Lee)

Well they didn't keep their word and on Lee's first day back from vacation they laid him off. After many conversations he was finally told it was because he wouldn't move to Palm Beach and his restaurant couldn't sustain his salary right now because of the economy. So on Thursday he started putting his resume out there and calling his contacts down here. He put his resume out there for jobs in Birmingham. He goes up to B'ham on Friday to meet with the district manager of Lonestar. He had applied and taken the manager tests for Cracker Barrel once before but he took the job at Cantina instead. He left things on good terms with CB and put in his resume again since they are hiring in the B'ham area. Well he meets with the district manager again (he met with him once before) in Pensacola tomorrow. The acutal location is Gardendale (a suburb of B'ham) but that's where the guy will be. He pulled Lee's prior file and his test scores and said that he is highly recommended from the job based on that.

Ultimately he wants a job that he's making what he has been and just get to B'ham. Then he hopes when a position opens up with a country club he will be able to just swoop in and take it. I would love being closer to my parents. Mackenzie and Jackson are excited about moving closer to the grandparents.

So hopefully Lee will be able to start a job by December 1st, which is the Monday after Avery is born. He would be living with my parents until we move up there. I'm thinking we would wait to move until Christmas break. We have very little money to last us until when he would hopefully get his first paycheck. So please pray that somehow things work out for us. Right now I just want to be able to pay our utilities and groceries.

So today is Verteran's Day and Mackenzie is out of school. In a little bit she'll be heading down to her friends house and will be having a blast. I thought about taking them to the library but of course it's closed today. I know I'm suppose to be on strict bedrest but I get very restless. It's especially hard because Lee's home all the time now and we're just not use to being together constantly. I also don't think he knows what to do. He's getting restless too. Also the waiting game for the jobs drives him nuts too.

So I'm off to finish watching TLC's Bringing Baby Home. I love seeing the little babies!

I Hate Hospitals

So I spent yet another night in the hospital. It's really getting old I tell you. I went to the Dr. on Thursday and my non-stress test was okay. My BP was still a little high especially considering that I'm taking 3 different meds just to control it. I felt great even though we had received some really bad news earlier in the day.



Friday morning I woke up feeling okay. I got up and threw on some clothes and took Mackenzie to school. Lee's been taking her to school and she misses me taking her. It was our bonding time. Even with Jackson in the car it was our special time to talk about anything and everything. I have to admit that I missed our time together too. We had a great ride to school and I told her that on Saturday I'd take her to the library just the two of us. She was really looking forward to that.



When I got home I laid down and watch TV with Jackson. I was so relaxed. It was the two of us and it was great. Then I started feeling woozy. I kept feeling as if I was going to pass out. It was the same feeling I get when my blood sugar gets real low. I checked my BP and it was pretty high. 161/103. Lately my top number hasn't hit about 140, which is pretty decent. I drank some juice that had a lot of sugar and some cookies just in case my blood sugar was low and causing me to feel that way. Nope, it wasn't my blood sugar. I continued to monitor my BP and it was still high.



I decided to take a bath. I got a candle out and all my tolietries and got in the tub. I usually hate baths but for some reason I wanted to just lay there in the water. It was so nice. I was relaxed and calm, etc. I ended up there for an hour. I couldn't believe I could even sit still that long. Before I had gotten in the bath I put in a call to the Dr. to check on my BP and the fact that I was feel really woozy and that passing out feeling along with a headache that wouldn't go away. Her office called me and then put me on hold and Dr. Petrac said to come by the hospital for monitoring.



So I eventually get ready and head up there around 1:30pm. My BP was still running pretty high. They checked my pee and my protein was a +2 which was up from the week before. So then they had to draw blood to check my labs b/c the protein went up. First time they took my blood the nurse, who I've become friends with, said my blood was really thick and having a hard time coming out. She came back in my room about 15 mins later and told me she had to draw my blood again because the lab said my blood was too clotted. So I get stuck again. I don't usually mind it but either she's really bad with needles or was using a bigger needle or my skin/veins were having an off day.



Then she comes back and tells me that the Dr. wants her to start and IV. Not putting anything in it but setting it up just in case. OH MY GOSH! She put it in the top of my left hand and it hurt so bad. The catheter part was very painful. Then it started spurting blood out. She then decided she had to move it from that location. I am then so lucky to get stuck now a 4th time on the side of my left arm. I'm really not digging this nurse even though from all of my trips to L&D we've become "friends". She gets it in and it's not the best but it'll do for now.



So they have me take my next dosages of medicine for the day. Then Dr. Petra talked to Dr. Dobak who is partners with Dr. Thorpe, my high risk Dr. He told her to give me 300mg of Labetalol another BP med that is a last resort type med. That was because even with my other meds I had take a bit earlier my BP wasn't stabalizing. Lord have mercy. 300mg did the trick a little too well. My BP went crashing down. I felt dizzy and woozy and so tired. I did not like how it made me feel.



I was then told that I had to spend the night and couldn't be discharged until my 24 hour urine test came back okay which would be Saturday night around 7:30. After it was all said and done my protein came back at 180 which is 200 points lower than what it was 2 weeks ago. My BP was stable and they let me get home. I was so glad to be home around 8pm Saturday night. I missed my kids and the chaos that ensues when they're together.

A-B Honor Roll

On Friday Mackenzie got her report card and she made the A-B Honor for the first time since being at Butler. She routinely made the A and A-B Honor Roll when she was in private school but since last year she hasn't. Now at the end of the year she had all A's and B's for her final grades but just couldn't quite get it all in one grading period. She had the most trouble in math last year. So any way when she told me what she had done I was so excited for her! Oh and one thing is their grading scale from elementary school is ridiculously hard.
94-100 - A
88-93 - B

I personally don't go by the grading scale when looking at her tests, etc. So many times they have so few questions that if she misses one she automatically gets a B. Then misses 2 it's a D. I'm not kidding. Any way yesterday they had the honor roll recogniztion assembly and Lee, Jackson and I went. I wouldn't have missed it for anything in the world. She was so proud of herself. Honestly I couldn't tell out of us who was prouder, her parents or Jackson. He got so excited to see her and then see her get her badge. When she was lining up along the stage after she got her badge I put him on my knee and he was standing up waving at her. She saw him and waved and he just lit up. He was just so excited for her. So we are very proud of Mackenzie.

We had our weekly marriage counseling session yesterday. I have to say it went pretty well. Of course I brought up my frustration about him not helping as much as he was suppose to and blah blah blah. Overall though it helps us to talk things out and have a 3rd party involved. I think more than anything it's something that Lee needs.

Better Watch What You Say

So last night I knew was not going to go my way. I took my 2 Tylenol PM as usual around 8 and as soon as they called Ohio I turned the TV and went to sleep. There was not sense in watching everything unfold. I knew that when I woke up this morning what the outcome would be and I didn't need to see it unfold before my eyes.

So I started thinking. Yes, it's scary when I begin to think. I grew up in Alabama where racial tension does still exists. I don't want to hear one person who grew up in the north or out west say one thing about race issues until they have lived in Montgomery, AL. Everything that you say has to be PC. There is a double standard for what whites can say about blacks and what blacks can say about whites. If I had an effigy hung of Obama outside my house I'd have every Reverend that's not really a reverend at my door along with the NAACP and every other organization you can imagine.

I'd be run out of my house and probably would have to go into hiding because of the harrassment I'd receive. I'd be fearful because of the threats and all that would come with it. Now the little gay couple who hung the Palin effigy. What happened to them? Nothing. No NAACP coming out or the Reverends. No one coming to march and demand it taken down with such force and fear that the above mentions cause. You see it's a double standard.

Now I am very interested in seeing how the political jokes are going to be played out on late night TV and on SNL. First of all they have their liberal that they wanted. So how harsh will the jokes be? Probably not too harsh. Then on SNL where skits are portrayed how will they go? Will they dare make fun of the size of Obama's monkey ears as they made fun of George W.'s? Or is that taboo because he is black and it might be seen as being a racial slam? Will everyone have to watch every single word that they say because it might be interpretted wrongly? Will we have to be so cautious as to our words just because our President is black and it might be construed as raciall charged when it's not?

Of course no one in the media has talked about this part of him being elected but it is some food for thought. How will it change the jokes and the comments. Oh, can't joke about his big lips because that's racially motivated or can't joke about this or that because it is because of his color.

Now, my post my sound like I'm a racist. I am not. I have no problem with black people that are hard working, honest and decent people. The same goes for whites, mexicans, etc. What my problem is is the double standard.

Get Out and Vote!

Make sure you get out and vote today! Although I have to say that my get out and vote message is directed to those voting for John McCain. Barack must be stupid or something because he has been standing at the voting booth now for over 15 minutes (no exaggeration). Or maybe he's smart of being slow as a turtle just so he can get more TV coverage. The commentators are calling him out for doing this all just for TV time. Yes, get off the screen. Blah.

Thankfully my precinct is a very small and most rural one. Most of the voters work in South Walton so I figure it will be busy early this morning and then again late tonight. I'm going to go about 10 or 11. I hope it won't be too bad. I voted in the primary and I only had to wait for 10 minutes or so. I have to say it's a lot different than voting in Alabama.

I still remember the first time I voted. It was in 1998. My precinct was at the Alabama Museum of Fine Arts. They line was so very long. It was Don Sigleman against I think Fob James. Our neighborhood was primarily a republican one and I remember being in line with a couple that lived in Bellwood too. I stood in line for well over an 90 minutes. Not kidding at all. I remember that the couple knew the Foxes who use to attend our church, oh and the "scandal" between the dad and was it George Wallace's son? I can't remember for sure which previous Governor's son he was caught with but it was a very sad thing. I was really young when it all happened.

I also remember before we moved down here I ran into Ms. Fox at Kinkos in Montgomery. I had not seen her in years and she was so sweet. I can't remember all we talked about but it was for quite a while. It's amazing the things I remember. Small and stupid little things.

Vent Update

So after writing my post and calling my mom to get out my frustration I had a talk with Lee. I explained to him I felt that he got what he wanted by getting the kids and I back home and that he just threw everything to the side and went back to his old ways. Blah blah blah. Needless to say he grumbled for a bit but before long he was out in the garage. He did get a little bit grumpy but I was a little mouthy and firm with him. We got way more done today than before. My neighbor Donna also came over and organized my shelves, etc. She is an angel! She's also crazy because she loves organizing things. She is truly a godsend right now.

We all had to go inside because the mosquitos came out in full force. Poor Jackson had bites from his forehead to his feet. Mackenzie ended up with quite a few too. Lee said he was going to stay out there until it was all done until they began to attack him as well. Let's be honest though, he didn't really have intentions of staying out there until it is all done. I wasn't born yesterday.

So I guess I have to continue being firm about things with Lee otherwise they won't get done. I told him straight up that if because he didn't feel the need to help my mom was packing her bags to come down here and do the job he couldn't do. Of course she's not coming now but he couldn't have that happen now could he. I also told him that he got us home but if he can't pull any weight then the kids and I don't mind leaving again for what might be good. If anything this time has shown me he doesn't truly care about us or our feelings.

So my garage is 65% there. By tomorrow it should be done. Now if he can whip his butt into gear and help me with the rest of the house. Honestly if he could just got back to work and have the hours of 8-5 I could soooooooooooo much more done. I swear he makes more of a mess than the kids. If I find his food crumbs and cups and circles from the coke around his cups any where else in this house I'm going to scream. Okay enough complaining for now.

I'm off to go to sleep. Jackson is already fast asleep. His congestion has caused him to start losing his voice like I did. He sounds all congested and sick. I've got the humidifier going in my room. I don't know if it will help him but I'm trying. I figure I'll be taking him to see Dr. Allen tomorrow.

Tomorrow I will post of my adventures in Labor & Delivery today as I had my non-stress test and ultra sound. Such fun.

Vent

I just need a moment to vent. Lee promised that during his vacation which he is off for 9 days total that he would make sure the entire garage was cleaned out and the house would be scrubbed from top to bottom. I don't think you understand how much organizing needs to be done. The laundry room majorly straightened up, tubs cleaned, toliets cleaned, bedroom organized, under our bed cleaned out, etc. You get the idea. He promised me it'd be done and he even did so in therapy. We went over our entire plan for his week of vacation and getting it all done. Well he's worked now a total of 4 hours over the past 7 days in the garage. These 4 hours was over a span of Friday and Sunday mornings. He more than complained the entire time. Moaned and groaned and was like a little girl.

I'm seriously freaking out because it's never going to be done. He claimed the first 3 days of vacation he didn't feel well and he needed to rest but he'd get it all done. Nope. Then today I talk to him while I'm in L&D getting my first NST test and u/s of the week at the hospital. I say something about it not getting done. He then says that we still have 3 weeks until I'm induced. That's not what he agreed to. Then I come home and try and start cleaning the kids bathroom and he follows me around telling me I'm not suppose to be on my feet and to sit down. Problem is anytime he seems me trying to clean either pregnant or not he always wants me to stop. It's frustrating.

This may sound petty but part of me wants to go back to Jana's. I'm a little sick of dealing with him and his procrastination. It's really upset me. I even let out some tears while at the hospital today. I feel as if he's let us down especially when he's been promising to change and do this and that finally for our family.

22 Days and Counting

So I have 22 days until I go into the hospital. I am scheduled to go in on Monday, November 24th at 5pm. Mackenzie keeps counting down the days every morning when she wakes up. I don't know if it's going to make the time drag by or pass by quickly. I cannot believe that as of tomorrow it's only 3 weeks away. I can't believe that this little girl who has been living in my belly and using my bladder as a trampoline will make her entrance to the world in a few short weeks. I will finally be able to hold her and kiss her. Talk to her and show her how much she is loved. I'll even give her a pass on the trampoline and bladder part.

It is so amazing to me the entire pregnancy process. I do not understand how some women can be so detached from the babies growing inside of them. I feel her move and feel that she is apart of me. I touch my stomach and can feel her moving in response. Jackson will sit and talk to her at night and rub my belly at the same time and she responds to him by moving around. How in the world can a woman not enjoy every moment of this? Well enjoy the bonding part. Now the morning sickness, growing belly, heartburn, etc. I can totally understand not enjoying, but the rest. It's just so amazing to me.

I was taking a shower today and was very pleased that I had only one interruption. Then it dawned on me that in a few weeks I'll have constant interruptions. I'll have to bring little Avery in the bathroom with me in the Papasan chair and lock the bathroom door. That's probably the safest route for her. No telling what little hands might do when left alone with a baby.

Pictures from Baytowne Wharf

Not the most flattering picture of me. It's the only way I can squat down for now.



Jackson holding Mackenzie's hand. So adorable!



Outside of Frill Seekers store. First time I've had my camera to take their picture like that.



My belly bump!



Lee and Mackenzie at Jim 'n Nicks



Jackson and Mackenzie at Jim 'n Nicks



Jackson holding his ears during the fireworks.

Halloween Night @ Baytowne Wharf

Last night Lee and I took the kids to Baytowne Wharf at Sandestin for their annual Halloween event. Each business was passing out candy and then at 8pm they had fireworks. I just love Baytowne. It is such a nice and clean place and we always have a great time. It is usually jam packed with the rich tourists who are staying at Sandestin but this time of year it's mostly locals.

Mackenzie saw so many kids from school that she knew and we also ran into two of our neighbors there. Mackenzie's best friends from the street (sisters) Stella and Emily were there dressed up as ghouls. Ben, their dad, is a manager at a great place called Graffiti's and he'll also bartend at the bar part called Funky Blues Shack. He was all dressed up with the painted face to be dracula. Maria, their mom sadly wasn't dressed up. I am still using my baby bump as my costume.

I digress. So we went from restaurant and store gathering candy. It was so adorable because at one point Jackson grabbed on to Mackenzie's hand to walk with her. I took a picture from behind because it was so cute. At one point Jackson said he didn't want to get any more candy so he just skipped by those passing it out. He said he had too much. That's shocking especially coming from a 3 year old. Oh and can I tell you that I saw Batmen all over the place. I've never seen so many little boys dressed up as Batman.

We headed over to Jim 'n Nicks to eat dinner before the fireworks. As usual we were able to eat for free due to trade outs with Lee's restaurant. Getting my appetite back has been a lot of fun I have to admit. For the past 7 months whenever we'd eat out a lot of times I wouldn't eat anything or something very small like soup. We've eaten at Jim 'n Nicks about 4 or 5 times over the summer and each time all I got was their Camp Stew. Last night I got a bowl of chili (yum yum) and a pulled pork sandwhich with fries. Now I didn't quite finish the sandwhich and only ate a few fries but it was all so good. I'm truly scaring myself with my enjoyment of food. It better subside after I get back on my full dose of Adderall.

So we had a fun dinner and headed over to the fireworks. On the stage by the grassy area and fountains they had Halloweenish music playing and encouraging the kids up on the stage to dance. Jackson got down on the grass and proceeded to show us his moves that he likes to call "tricks". Then he kept asking us how much longer until the fireworks and it was only about 5 mins but to him it seemed like an eternity. Finally they called everyone down to the stage area for the fireworks.

We went and sat down on the steps by the pond area and the fireworks began. At first I had one kid on each side of me but then Jackson moved into Lee's lap and Mackenzie over by Lee. Jackson, who hates the sound of fireworks, kept his hands over his ears the entire time. It's kind of cute. The fireworks were nice but I have to admit I enjoy the 4th of July ones a lot more. I love the patriotic music.

So that was our evening. We were exhausted when we got home around 8:30. Jackson fell asleep around 10 and Mackenzie around 11. She came and got in bed with me. Lee fell asleep before any of us. I heard him snoring in the den. So Halloween is over for this year. Next year it's going to be even more of an adventure. I won't have to buy just one costume and not just two but three. If little Avery is anything like Mackenzie then she'll be walking by Halloween next year. Boy will I be in trouble.