I Miss My Jana

Jana has been gone since last Monday because of her little nephew's birth. I have to say that he is a little cutie. She sent me a picture via text and it wasn't the best picture but you could tell he was a cutie. I got more pictures from her tonight. He's so small and tiny. So little bitty. Reminds me of Jackson. His birth weight is what Jackson was when he left the hospital. 5lbs 6ozs.

I can't wait for Jana to get back. It's not just because I can't eat unless she's here. haha I guess part of it's because she and I haven't spoken on the phone but twice since she's been gone. I did get a ton done today and yesterday. Okay, not so much today but yesterday. You can't tell that much was done but I sure can tell. I put up all of the diapers along the wall in the garage. I think I counted for my inventory over 70 packs I'm selling. The kids helped me updo the 2 travel sizes of shampoo that come with each of the 60 something free Sunsilk shampoos I had. So I cut the backs with sissors and the kids ripped out the travel sizes ones and took off the plastic. Mackenzie really enjoyed it and it was more like a game for Jackson. I then put them all up in a tub.

I put more of the toothpastes up and other odds and ends. Wow, there are a ton of things, I don't know if it's more than what I thought but it's certainly a lot. I think I finally have my inventory list finished. It's taken a ton of time but I think it's almost complete. Oh, and Friday night I put up all of the hair color I bought earlier this year. Oh yeah, that was fun. I kept looking at the different colors and was tempted to try it on my hair. I just didn't want to screw my hair up.

The kids and I had a pretty good weekend. I did have a little bit of an overwhelming time on Saturday but other than that things went smoothly. We went to Defuniak Springs to Walgreens and then we ate lunch at Arby's. She was so glad to eat there. She loves that place and since we don't have one in Destin or near us it's a treat for us to go there. We then went to the big Wally World. Yee Haw! Mackenzie desperately needs a new bike b/c the ones she has she has outgrown. We lifted up the seat but the handle bars are so far down. She found one that she wanted badly. I think I'll go pick it up for her later this week. It was under $35 so it's not a huge purchase.

Today I finally finished cutting other other 1/3 of the backyard. I also fixed the 2 parts that I fell off last week. When Jackson and Mackenzei both passed out I almost passed out with them. I was exhausted but I decided to work on some things around the house. And to think I've actually cooked 2 days in a row. It's a mircale.

I can't believe that Lee will be home in a week and a day. I'm excited. I can't wait.

I'm watching the show "Big Love" on HBO right now. It's a repeat but nothing else is on right now. I think this dramedy is hysterical. The thought of a Morman man having 3 wives and the whole situation is rather funny. Also the fact that Nicki, the 2nd wife, was telling the 1st wife how she was praying over her and blah blah blah and all of this spiritual stuff but when you're living in polygomy how in the world is that religious or Christian or whatever. I guess it's morman like.

I guess every religion has their own set of belief's. Each person in each different religion probably looks at people of other religions as being incorrect, etc. But each person that believes something truly believes that they are right. Ahhh... I'm running my words in circles. But I seriously know what I mean in my head. Really I do.

Jackson and Mackenzie aren't getting any better. Jackson's left eye keeps getting matted. It drains only come afternoon time or after he's been outside. I can't tell which one is the trigger. And it's only his left eye. He seems so pitiful. I'm sure his nose is raw from me cleaning it with the wipes. Mackenzie, well she isn't any better either. I really think she has severe allergies that brings on asthmatic attacks. I need to find a Dr. for her to go to this week to look into it. I know there is an allergy/asthma specialist on the street where I work. I did a CP closing for her. I need to check it out. I worry about Mackenzie and her asthma. I am now becoming concerned that Jackson is going to have bad allergies too. Brad has severe allergies. He takes a couple of different meds for them. I'm wondering if his DNA contributed to this. :-)

I'm trying to figure out this new BP med. I feel much better now that I am taking BOTH of my BP meds. I'm trying to figure out right now why my ankles are still swelling. It's nothing major at all, but since I naturally have smaller ankles I can tell if there is any swelling. I go back to the Dr. next week any way. He wants to check things out and see if he needs to put me on a total of 3 BP meds. If he does the Norvas will be combined w/ the diuretic (sp?) and then I'll take this other stuff I'm currently on too. I found that one of my BP meds is on the $4 prescription list at Target. Definitely worth getting it there. I paid $10 w/ my insurance. I know it's not a ton of money but that's an extra $72 a year. Yup, $72 whole dollars.

I saw that Mackenzie albuterol is also on the list. She only has 3 packets left for her breathing treatment machine. $4 ain't too bad. I was looking through the drugs they offer for $4 just for kicks and I was really glad to see some of the drugs on there. You know one of the drugs I took when I was first diagnosed w/ bipolar is on there. I didn't have insurance and I had stopped taking the meds b/c I serously didn't have the money to get the meds. I remember my dad going to Winn-Dixie and getting it filled. Apparently it's not offered in generic and for $4. I just think of how many people who don't have prescription coverage and how great it is for them to be able to pay such a small sum for their meds. I know even with insurance it's helps out. So anyone who is on any of the $4 drugs and doesn't take them b/c they say they don't have insurance or something else stupid is just plain dumb. Okay, there was my .02.

I'm debtaing on whether or not I should fix me a bowl of Moose Tracks. I'm thinking it's soooo good but I don't know if I have the energy to get up and do it. Am I really that motivated to fix it and pack in 2000 calories? Probably not. The longer I wait to get it the less likely it is for me to eat some. It's just my treat to myself.

Okay, I'm not. I'm just going to publish this post and crash. good night. good morning.

Are those bald spots?

Yes, bald spots on my head from pulling my hair out. Okay, not really but it's how I've felt lately. Between work and the kids and Lee being gone, well, I'm just ready for life to go back to normal. I know that with Lee's different work schedules we don't really have a "normal" schedule but it's better than what we have now. Lee warned me that I won't see much of him in the beginning but I don't care. I told him that I want to just wake up next to him. I don't care about the snoring or his hot sweaty legs drapping on me in his sleep. Just knowing he is here and in the house. Just to be able to see him for a fleeting moment. I know I will treasure each time we spend time each other more. I know it's killing the kids. Jackson constantly is going around the house saying "daddy at work". He has tried to call Lee a few times of the past few days but when Lee has tried to speak to him on 2 occassions he won't talk to him. I don't get it. I hope he doesn't shun him when he comes home.

I got Mackenzie a swimsuit today. She has her field day on Friday and was in need of a new one. I lucked out Beall's had their swimsuits 40% off and today it was an additional 15% off of the sales price. It was very cheap. It's adorable and came with a little skirt. When I pulled it out in the car today she gasped "mom, it is soooo cute!". That is definitely a good reaction to get from your 6 year old. I have a feeling it won't last forever. I can remember mom buying me something or suggesting a piece of clothing and just groaning. I think every kid does that.

I'm exhausted. I don't want to go to bed yet. I feel that if I go to bed too early then I've wasted my entire day. Get up, go to work, go home, go to sleep and it all starts all over again. I think I also feel blah because there isn't anything good on TV. Yes, I know Law & Order is on but I've seen every episode of every spin-off at least a dozen times already. At least I can look forward to Greys Anatomy and The Office tomorrow night. I just love The Office. That show has me in stitches. Love the dry humor. Well, except the stupid British dry humor. I don't get it. Seriously.

This is a random little piece of my mind, but this has to do with the wonderful Alabama Legislature's decision to pass a resolution to "Apologize for the involvement that Alabama had in slavery". What was just stupid was the comment that one of the legislature's said about how he can finally put this behind him and others by issuing the apology. I'm so sorry for the transgressions of our great-great-great-great-great-great-great... (get the idea) realtives, but how long can a group of people use the past and something that they were never apart of and never lived to even see those who experienced it think they need an apology? It's ridiculous. It's stupid ignorant people like Alvin Holmes that continues to stir up these issues.

Living in Montgomery it was always filled with racial tensions. Living in FL now I see how freshing it is to live without those tensions. The tensions in Montgomery were not just one sided. I truly believe that it's people like Alvin Holmes that use race to just stir up people. If they kept their mouthes shut then things wouldn't be stirred up like a hornet's nest.

Okay, I've said my peace. I feel better now. Okay, not really but enough to finally go to sleep.

Lawdy Lawdy

Can things get any more hectic or just plain nuts? I picked Jackson up today and Candy said that he cried all day long and he took a real short nap and that was it. The entire way home he didn't feel well. It's obvious. You can see it in his eyes. Mackenzie is also feeling horrible. Her throat hurts, she's still coughing, eyes matted up this morning, you get the idea.

So I pull up to the house and Kenzie gets out to go play with her friends. I'm checking her face out to make sure it's clean before she goes and Jackson starts crying. Next thing I know my son is throwing up from his car seat. I'm talking like 4 or 5 good spurts followed by some little spurts. Yes, puke flowing from the bottom of the carseat. I unbuckle it and carry it/him to the front door and begin cleaning him up.

Man oh man. After the bath we went into my room and he just wasn't happy. He was so tired and just didn't feel well. He finally fell asleep. Mackenzie and the neighborhood girls were jumping on the trampoline. Jackson woke up crying and I went back to comfort him. I had to stay right next to him for him to not be completely in tears. The next thing I know Breann is busting in my house telling me that Mackenzie is crying b/c Nate, her brother, punched Kenzie in the stomach.

I could hear her screaming so I leave Jackson, and boy was he mad, and rush out to her. I asked the girls where Nate was and of course he ran to his house. I started yelling for him to no avail. I asked her what happened and she said it wasn't an accident and the other confirmed it. One thing about Kenzie is she doesn't lie to me about that kind of thing. I trust her.

I go into the house and the phone rings. It's Lee. He's all cheery and I tell him I have to go and he asks how my day has been. I said something about Jackson puking everywhere and then Mackenzie getting punched and how I was getting dressed to go kick Nate's butt. While I'm putting on my strapless bra in walks 2 of the girls. Yes, it was such a sight. Me in capri jeans and a bra half way on.

I grab Jackson and he and I drive up the street to Kimberly's. I get up there and their door is open and Nate is watching TV. I give him an evil look and tell him he needs to go get his mom. Kimberly comes out and I'm so furious and have a sick baby with me and I just start talking. I told him that it was my understanding that he punched my baby girl on the trampoline. He denied hitting her that he fell on her. Which yes, could be plausible, but she doesn't lie and why would he run if it was an accident? I called him out on this. I told him and his mom (Kimberly) that I understand kids play rough and little fights happen, etc. and even my daughter isn't perfect, but under no circumstances does he need to punching my daughter.

He started tearing up and Kimberly was visibly upset with him. he apologized to her. Yes, my little Kenzie comes slowly walking up the street to us. Then I told Kimberly that this is very awkward for me to speak with her about but that Nate had told Mackenzie's friends that she was fat. Mackenzie has been asking me for 2 weeks or so when I was going to talk to Kimberly about it. It hurt her feelings so. It made me want to kill the kid for hurting her.

Kimberly was pissed. She called Nate, Kenzie and me inside. You see Kenzie had heard about his words from the greatest little girl on our street. I thought that he wouldn't have a clue about what he said, etc. Oh man he did. Kimberly asked if he had said any hurtful and bad words about anyone. He shook his head yes. She asked him what and he says "fat". He knew what he had said. He didn't have to think hard about it. He hurt her. Hurt her to where she's cried about it. He told his mom that he can't control what he says. BS

I told Kimberly later how it was hard for me to talk to her about that because I didn't want any hard feelings. I'll tell you this though if that boy touches my child with one finger or with his words ever again I'm going to hurt him. It cuts through me like a knife when I know either of my children are hurt. I hate it. I wish I could take all of the pain in the word so they wouldn't feel any of it. Now I know the love my parents have felt for me.

so that's pretty much been my week so far. It's been crappy. It's going to be even worse come tomorrow. I made the kids appts for the Dr. yet again for tomorrow morning at 9:30. I don't know how to manager it all right now. I'm very overwhelmed. I cannot miss any work. None at all. It's imperative that I be there tomorrow. I don't know how I can be. Mackenzie was throwing up tonight from coughing. She threw up on my kitchen floor and sink. I've got Jackson who is very sick and cranky and stuck to my side. It's not fun. I'm ready for Lee to be home. I think having the moral support would make a huge difference. Jana is out of town for her newphew's birth and not being able to talk to her also is hard.

I feel a little lost this week. I wish my mom lived close and could help out with the kids. It's frustrating. I'm all they've got right now. My job isn't in jepoardy but it's as if I can't afford to miss tomorrow. Yes, I could try and work with them in my office. Yeah, whatever, not gonna work with BOTH of them and when they're both sick. I could come home and work but what if I need info from a file or something? I won't have that information. What if I have to overnight a package. I can't print it out here. It's just too much and on top of that I'd have to go into town just to drop it in FedEx anyway.

Gosh, I don't know what to do. It's not fun. Can I cry now? Seriously. I need a good cry. It might help me for stress purposes. I'm on 2 meds for the BP now so this will be a test to see if it's really working.

And aren't those pics of Mackenzie just darling? I just love my babies. They're wonderful. They make me smile. I'm going to go to sleep now. Try not to have a panic attack tonight. Whoo hoo!

It's Almost Over

I cannot believe how the time has flown by while Lee has been gone. I guess it helped since I went to see him 3 weeks into his trip. I can't believe we have just a little over 2 weeks left. I know the kids and I are excited to have him come home.

This weekend was pretty uneventful. On Saturday we picked up Jana and went a few places, but to be honest as I'm typing I forget what they were. Oh yeah! We went to Destin Commons and Mackenzie got her ears pierced. I don't know what made her want it done so bad but she did. She was such a big girl and didn't even cry. Of course I took picture of her getting them done. It reminded me of when mom and Avonelle went with me to get mine done. I was 9. I have to say she looks darling with her earrings.

We walked around the shops and the kids loved playing at the playground and the water fountains there. It's neat b/c they have these huge water fountains that will shoot up and down and make patterns. There were tons of kids there and there were a lot in their swimsuits. I was holding Jackson over one of the water holes and it just started spraying up. It scared him but then he had fun walking around the water holes. Now little miss priss was told not to get wet. I could tell in the beginning she was testing me and then at the end my child is walking in between 2 rows of the water holes and gets soaked. Yes, mama wasn't a happy camper.

We then went into Books a Million and the kids looked around. I've been searching for the book "Hollywood Car Wash" and of course they didn't have it. Blah. Jana got each of the kids a book. Very sweet of her. Then we headed over to Sonic for slushes. We dropped Jana Banana at her house and went in to CVS. Man how I've missed that store. It was fun to get the 2 $100 worth of items (I had 2 transactions) and to seriously pay $1.38 for one and .49 for the other. Between my coupons and ECBs. Man it's great.

Yesterday I slept in a tad and the kids and I straightened up some. I cleaned the kitchen and started working on the mounds of laundry. Kenzie was outside playing at Stellas and then the girls came over to our house to jump on the trampoline. I took Jackson outside and we had a good time playing. When the girls left he and I got on the trampoline. He loves having me lie down and he'll run around me.

I decided I needed to bite the bullet and cut my backyard. That was not fun. Somehow I broke off the handle that controls the self propel. So up and down the 1/3 acre and the hills and mounds. My hands are killing me today from pushing, actually my left palm has a bruise from pushing so hard. The weeds were so thick in some areas and it's going up hill that I pushed so hard I hurt my hand. My arms are also killing me. Although I did get a ton of sun. I actually got a little sunburned. My left arm was already really tan from riding in the car but now the other arm matches and my chest is burnt slightly. I figure I'd rather be tan and fat (or burnt and fat) than just fat. :-) My feet look real smooth too b/c of the strap line from my flip flops. Oh yeah, styling and profiling.

Jana left today to go to Virginia b/c they are inducing her sister. Her little newphew Gabe should be born by tomorrow night. I know Jana is excited to finally have him here. It's also so cute to see how excited her dad is about his arrival. I know they've all been through ups and downs but this is a great thing. I know Carrie will be coming down to stay with Jana after the baby is born. I think she's taking off 3 months from her job. It wouldn't surprise me in the least bit if she ended up moving down here.

I'm off to finish stuff. Gotta love work and kids and life in general. Fun fun fun

Last Night...

It's Saturday morning and we're watching our VH1 Fresh Videos before the top 20 comes on. "Last Night" by P. Diddy, Diddy, Puffy, Sean "Puffy" Combs or whatever he is called now it really smooth. I like the beat to it. I forgot he even made records until I heard this. He's in the spotlight all the time bur rarely do I hear anything from him.

I have been exhausted all week trying to catch up on my sleep from being gone. In addition to the lack of sleep I've been sick all week. Mackenzie and Jackson too. On Tuesday Mackenzie and I both went to the Dr. She went b/c of her cough and a suspected UTI. I went b/c I thought I had a sinus infection. She was given antibiotics for her UTI. The Dr. gave me the same for my sinus infection. He also gave me BP meds again. I'm back on Norvasc but it just went generic this year so I pay only $10 for it now. I'm on 1 other BP med as well. They might put me on a water pill later this month. They just want to see how it all works together. Yeah, when I went in my BP was 150/114. No fun at all. I got refill for my Xanax, Effexor and Adderall. What's funny is when I took the Xanax every morning, the really small dosage, it not only calmed my nerves but it helped to lower my BP by calming me down. I still have a complex about taking so many drugs, but at least I know what I need and it works when I take them all.

So on Wednesday Jackson went to the Dr. He had been coughing something horrible. It was as I expected, Croup. Yes, we've had a ton of fun this week. We all came home early on Wednesday. Jackson and I went to sleep at 3:30. He slept all the way until 7:30AM. Wow! He really didn't feel good. My left ear has been clogged or something. It won't pop. I can't hear real well out of it. I tried something last night that I heard would pop it, but no, I was so wrong. It's still clogged. I know it's not wax, but it's driving me nuts.

Jana and Mackenzie are going to get their finger nails painted and a pedicure. Mackenzie is super excited. Jackson and I will go to the grocery store and CVS. Yes, CVS. My how I've missed CVS. I'm so far behind with my coupons, etc. I finaly cut all the ones I got while in FW/Dallas. I'm so happy to have them all together!

Wanna hear something funny? Last night after the kids and Jana and I ate dinner I pulled into the place where Cantina Laredo will be put. I've noticed that lately a lot of the signs have gone up for the different stores/restaurants. I was curious if theirs was up. I drive around and don't see it but then I see a guy outside and I pull by and ask him. It just so happens that he is working on the kitchen for CL. His crew is from Dallas and they do all of the CL restaurants. They're going to Palm Beach next.

When I pulled up I told him that I was looking for the place b/c my HUSBAND is in Dallas in MIT and will be coming home to open up this restaurant. He keeps saying he wants to go to the beach and see the area but he just needs a good local to show him. I guess I'm just an old fart and wasn't sure if he was inferring that I should show him around or not until he flat out asked me. He so saw my kids in the MINIVAN I'm driving and I know he kept looking at my sparkling diamonds. I saw him looking. He still asked if I wouldn't mind showing him around and taking him to a good local beach. Yeah and then asked for my number. hahahahahahahaha

First of all I would NEVER give my number out, 2nd of all I can't believe someone even asked for it, 3rd I can't believe someone would be that straight fwd when #1 I have kids in my car and I have a ring on and 4th and lastly I wouldn't wear a swimsuit on a stranded island or in front of my husband and certainly not in front of a stranger male or female.

I'm going to go play on the computer and balance our bank account. And also hope that my ears pop. It's driving me nuts.

My Trip

What an amazing trip I had. I don’t think I could have had a better trip. The only thing I am lacking now is sleep. Precious sleep.

I made it to the airport on time on Friday and my flight left as planned. Getting into Luv Field was fine and I took a cab to Lee’s restaurant. He had no idea when I was arrive, okay, so I lied to him and told him it’d be much later. I go to the restaurant and ate lunch there. Let me just tell you those were the best chicken flautas I have ever had in my life. Seriously. The manager told Lee I was there and he couldn’t really talk so I stole his car and headed to FW to Bob and Eileen’s house.

The drive over there wasn’t half bad. I know it’s a huge area but I found everything okay. Before I left I had printed out directions to a couple of different places so I could find them okay. I got to their house and got to finally meet them. They are so nice and just wonderful! It was great to sit there and talk to them for a while. I showed them my baby book pictures and just got to know each other a little bit better.

I left their house a little before 5 to head over to pick up Lee. We were going to go out to dinner w/ Bob & Eileen and then Tabitha. Well when I got to Dallas bad storm started kicking up. Yes, the tornados and weather is totally different then what we would get in Montgomery. Tabitha and I talked and b/c of the weather we decided that I wouldn’t drive over for dinner. I would eat with Lee and wait for the storms to let up. There was a tornado a few miles from us and other places. I think 2 people died directly from the storms.

Lee and I headed over to eat dinner at Spaghetti Warehouse in Plano. The ambiance was so neat and nice and the food was delicious. Oh my gosh! I hope we get one here. I’d eat at it before Olive Garden any day of the week and twice on Sundays. I head back and take Lee to his apartment. We said our good nights and I headed back over to FW. On one of the highways I came across a horrible wreck that was going in the opposite direction. It was a police car turned around and pointing downwards on an exit. I can’t remember who I was on the phone with at the time but I told them it looked awful and probably whoever was driving was dead. The next morning I found out that the driver did die. He was only 26.

I get to the house and I got to meet Tabitha! I was so excited to see her! She is just as great in person as she is on the phone. I think I got to the house a little after 10:30. We stayed up talking until 2 or so. I was exhausted and could hardly keep my eyes open but there was so much to talk about. She does have some piercing and tattoos, but they totally match her personality. I wouldn’t have her change one thing about herself. I just can’t say how much I enjoyed sitting and talking with her.

I crawled in bed at one point and she ended up leaving for her apartment. She and Bobbi were going to meet us the next morning at the house so we could all go to the Mills at Grapevine. It’s a HUGE indoor outlet mall that I had wanted to go to. I slept in a bit on Saturday. I think I woke up at 8:40. I was freaking out because Bobbi was suppose to be there at 9 and I didn’t want to meet her looking all disheveled. Eileen told me that since Bobbi hadn’t heard from me she didn’t head over until a few moments before. I jumped in the shower and started getting ready.

I was sitting on the bed doing my makeup when there was a knock on the door. I thought it was Tab, but it was Bobbi. It was a surreal moment. It all passed rather quickly, but it was surreal just the same. I know I’ve seen pictures of her but it was just strange. I don’t know if I was expecting her to look different in person or what. I guess my entire life I just thought we looked “so much alike” that I expected to see myself but an older version. I do see some similarities as in my eyes, but I don’t know. She has full lips as I do but a different shape. I still was just glad to finally see her.

It’s not as though she had 4 heads or anything. She was just perfect. I guess it’s more or less the years of wondering and dreaming of what it would be like. I didn’t really put to much though in to what Brad looked like because I never thought or dreamed that he and I looked alike. Heck, I didn’t really ever think of him at all except to curse him through my thoughts. That was only because I thought he wasn’t a good guy for just up and leaving to go to another country while she was pregnant. Now through learning everything I know it’s not that way.

A little bit later Eileen, Bobbi, Tabitha and I headed out to the mall. First of all let me just say that Bobbi’s new car is just beautiful. It’s definitely a cool car. Second of all I believe my driving skills is partially genetic from Bobbi and then the other part is from my dad. I don’t get all of her driving skills because, well, I’m no where near her level of driving. And after Lee rode with her I told him he can never ever complain about the way I drive ever again. J

When we got to the mall the first place we came to was a restaurant called The Rainforest Café. Oh my! It was the cutest place ever. They had a great gift shop and I would have loved for Kenzie and Jackson to be there to eat with us. It was definitely an experience. Tabitha and I decided to split the hamburger. It was hysterical because both of us are selective picky eaters. We ordered a bbq bacon cheese burger with just the bread, mean, bacon and cheese with the sauce on the side. It’s nice to finally meet someone as particular as I am with food.

We went through the entire mall. All I can say is it was humongous. Huge! Massive! Tabitha and I went to a few stores to look at clothes. It was a little funny because we could both pick some of the same shirts or dresses that we liked. I didn’t really expect us to have some of the same taste in clothes. We had a good time going through the same stores together. I picked up Mackenzie some clothes at The Children’s Place b/c they were having a mega sale. I also found a ton of cute dirt cheap flip flops. It was great!

We were exhausted when we left there. My feet were killing me. I didn’t wear shoes with an arch, just stupid old flip flops. I wasn’t smart and neither was Tabitha when it came to our choice of shoes. We paid a price for it.

Bobbi, Eileen and I went to pick up Lee from his apartment. Then we headed over to Bobbi’s house to meet Andy and to see her house. While we were there Lee was going to book us a hotel room. The hotel room turned into a fiasco. Since the Nascar races were on that weekend and some other event all most everything under the sun was booked. After literally an hour or more of looking we found a place in Arlington.

Bobbi’s house is beautiful. The neighborhood kind of reminds me of ours, except for the lack of palm tree and more wood in their homes. It has a Texas feel to it as ours has a beach feel to it. The house is so nice and has so many great features in it. Andy was so nice and it was great to meet him. He looked good to me and he looked even better than I had imagined after having the surgery.

We finally headed over to Texas Roadhouse for dinner. We were meeting Tabitha and James (her boyfriend) and Bob for dinner. The place was crazy busy but since we called ahead we got right in. The food was exceptional! I loved the atmosphere there too! Our waiter was really good and he’s even a school teacher. How sweet is that?

Lee got a chance to talk to everyone as he hadn’t met them before. He was so good and nice to everyone (not that I expected anything different). James is real quiet and I have no idea how he put up with all of us. They brought us a bag of peanuts and I made a comment about throwing them. Bobbi so hauled off a peanut and hit this guy in the back. It is soooo something I would do with friends and when I’m giddy. I later attempted to throw one but it didn’t hit my target. Gotta work on my peanut aim.

We had talked about going to downtown FW with Bobbi and Tabitha after dinner. They were both too tired to go so we headed home with Eileen and Bob to their house so I could get my stuff and the car. Bob drove us home through downtown so Lee could see where Billy Bob’s is and we could see the downtown area. It was really neat seeing all of the different places. I’m not use to a downtown area that big and that has such a nightlife .

We went and checked into our hotel room. Lee had been dying to take me to this piano bar called Pete’s Piano Bar. He had been to the one in Addison and there was one in downtown FW. I was soooo tired and I didn’t want to really go. After going back and forth about it we decided to go. I have to admit I’m glad we went. I amazingly found our way to the place. We went to go park the car in the parking lot and this guy comes up to Lee while he’s still in the car and says “Hi, I’m Carl and I’ve been off crack for two months!”. Ummm… okay, way to scare a girl. After seeing how nervous I was he showed us his ID and he is apart of a mission that helped him get clean and he watches the cars after hours for his job. I wanted to tell the guy that the best way to make friends is to not tell them you’ve been off of crack.

After me going into the wrong place we finally made it to Pete’s. I have to say it was a really neat place. Having the two pianos facing each other and the going back and forth between the 2 guys is really cool. We walked in when they were doing the Texas A&M fight song or something of another. IT was making the crowd go crazy. You see you can write down requests on a napkin and then they’ll play them or won’t. I’ve never been a real drinker and never have liked bars or clubs or whatnot. The few times I’ve gone I always just sit back and take it all in. That’s what I did. At one point I pointed out a girl to Lee and he told me that only I would notice it because I was the only sober person in the entire place. All in all I really enjoyed myself. Even the $2 coke. I guess the DD don’t drink for free any more. J

We finally made it back to the hotel and I was exhausted. While I was taking off my makeup Lee passed right out on the bed. I walk out and he’s face down sprawled over the entire place snoring. I had no problem going to sleep though. I went right to sleep.

We woke up the next morning and go ready and met Tabitha and James for lunch in Arlington at the Spaghetti Warehouse. Yeah, it’s just really good and we got a discount, that’s why we kept going back to it. Lunch was real nice. Lee left and went back to study at the hotel and Tabitha and James and I went to he mall that was next door. It was yet another huge mall.

We looked around and each got a few things at Lane Bryant but besides that just looked around. I think James was getting tired of us going in the makeup stores, etc. He was a trooper though. We dropped him off at his apartment and Tabitha and I went and got pedicures. Oh my how my feet needed that. It was so nice to relax while they messed with my feel. My toes are now pink and cute. The big toes even have flowers on them. It was a fun thing for the two of us to do together.

Oh and the reason I didn’t see Bobbi on Sunday is b/c she had to take Andy to the emergency room b/c of his head hurting from his surgery. They were there all day long. I totally understand and it’s not a big deal in the least. I just wanted to throw in the reason behind her absence.

After the pedicure we picked up Eileen and headed over to Bonnie Solecki’s house to meet her and thank her for putting us together. It was so great to finally meet her. She didn’t look like I thought she would. She is a lot taller. She’s so funny and just talked and talked. It was great fun though. It was all so nice. We went back to eileen’s and by then it was 8pm. Lee was heading over to get me so we could eat and go to the hotel.

I told Tabitha goodbye. She’s so great. I can’t wait to see her again. I think she’s a wonderful person. I’m proud that we share the same ½ of DNA. I told Bob and Eileen bye. It was hard. I know that for some many years they prayed for me and wanted to make sure I was okay. In some ways I wonder if it was harder on Eileen than Bobbi. I don’t really know. I told her I’d come back to see them at some point and I’d bring the kids out.

Lee finally arrived and we headed out. We found a great little place to eat called Pappadeaux’s. It was expensive but good. We were pooped though. We ate and headed to the hotel. I finished packing for the next morning. We got up early Monday. When we finally made it to the airport I thought for sure I’d miss my flight. The lines were crazy. I arrived at the gate at exactly 7:05 and the plane was suppose to leave at 7:05. The captain came on and said they were holding the plane b/c it was the busiest the airport had ever been and they were giving people a little extra time. So nice of them.

I got home and was soo happy to see the kids. Jackson surprised me though b/c he wasn’t as excited to see me as I thought he would be. But it’s okay. I had to get my tire fixed and we didn’t head home until 3:30.

My mom and dad were great. They are so wonderful with the kids and so nice for keeping them. I also am so blessed to have had their support for my trip. I couldn’t ask for any better parents. Instead of just one set of parents and 1 ½ sets of grandparents and a sister who love me I have so many more people now. How lucky can one girl get?

Things Never Go as Planned

So the kids and I left late this afternoon to head out to B'ham. I changed my flight to arrive at 11:30 tomorrow and by doing that and paying the difference it motivated me to get going this afternoon. I also get a little extra time in Dallas and can explore a few things on my own. So we leave around 4:15ish and the traffic on the mid-Bay bridge was horrible. We sat on the bridge forever.

We get going and we're running later than I would have liked to have been, but things were fine. We were trucking along and it appeared we would get to B'ham around 8:30-9. The interstate gods had other plans. Around the Pintlala exit my tire blew out. Yup, right out. My cell phone was dying and I knew I could only make 1 call. It took forever to get a signal and I call Lee and tell him the exit I was at, etc.

I searched the van high and low for the spare tire. I couldn't find it anywhere. I'm literally crying on the side of the road at 6:45 at night knowing it's going to get dark, no one would stop, I couldn't use my cell phone. I thought we were stranded. Then after 30 mins or so a State Trooper pulls up. He had been heading up that way and stopped. He was my angel. He too looked high and low for the tired. Nope, he couldn't find it either. We call Lee and he tells me to call Toyota for road side assistance. Okay, that's not so easy to do w/ no phone. The trooper gave me his phone.

Needless to say 2 hrs later I was finally finished with getting my spare on. The trooper had a hard time too finding my spare. We made it to B'ham around 11. I'm exhausted. I'm ready for my trip though.

So... Eileen, I heard a tiny part of your message but my phone died. If you read this tomorrow morning just know I'll call you when I arrive tomrorow. I think I'm going to go to Lee's work first and put a note on his car to surprise him. Then I'll head over to FW to see Bonnie Solecki and y'all. Then when Lee gets off at 4 I'll be able to see him. :-)

We can all do dinner or something. I'll see everyone tomorrow!

Countdown

In just a few days I'll be jumping on a plane for Dallas. I am very excited because I cannot wait to see Lee. I am also a little nervous because I'll be meeting the Mitchell's for the first time. I am also unsure on how I will balance everyone. There are also things I would like to do while I am there and there is no way for me to do it all. Darn, I guess I'll just have to go back. How can I balance it all?

I wonder if I can change my flight? Okay, of course I had to call Southwest to see if I could arrive a little earlier, okay at 11:30 and that way I could go see the place where Kennedy was shot, etc. by myself so it wouldn't take up time with everyone. If I did it I'd have to pay $50. I don't think it's worth it. Well, it is, but I'm not spending any more money. Nope.

I just hope it's warm while I'm there. It's been cold here now and I'm not going to like colder weather. Who am I kidding? I don't care what the weather is like.

My entire life I have dreamt of my birth mother. Lying in my bed at 6201 Wynfrey Place and in the darkness of night thinking of her. Pleading to the adoption gods to just know her name. Wondering what the circumstances of my birth were. Wondering if she ever thought of me. Wondering what if anything was I called. Trying to guess what the foster mother called me. Surely I was called something for 3 months. Wondering if I had her smile, if I got my gaps from her, could she roll her "R's" (I can't for the record), where did my chest come from, does she have freckles on her face as I do, what about her laugh, her sense of humor?

The dreams of the past 27 years are coming to become reality. The woman who gave birth to me and sacrificed so much, so much more than I could have ever done, will see me face to face. I can touch her hand and put my arms around her. My flesh and blood. Mackenzie and Jackson have been the only flesh and blood I had ever known until recently. Yes, meeting Brad was great and amazing. He and I do have this deep bond, but he doesn't have the maternal factor.

I cannot wait. I don't know if I will be emotional or not. I have no idea how I will react. This is very new and I'm so uncertain. Bobbi and I do not have the same relationship as Brad and I do. I can certainly speak freely to her, but at the same time, Bobbi isn't as open and doesn't speak as freely about things as Brad does. She's just not an open book emotionally. That's okay. I respect that and totally understand that. So, that being said I don't know when I see her if she'll be emotional or not. I'm scared I might lose it.

I have to admit that I have wondered if she will get spooked by me coming. I don't think that'll happen, but I just wonder. I don't want to overwhelm her. I don't want to scare her. I won't bite. Perhaps my excitment shouldn't bubble all over the place just yet.

I also am very excited to meet Miss Tabitha! I think she is just beautiful in all of the pictures I have seen. I cannot wait to see her face to face.

I also can't wait to see Grandma and Grandpa Mitchell. They seem like just lovely and amazing people. I know they have a deep love for me and I am appreciative for all they have done. I am thankful that they gave Tabitha a wonderful home. I can tell that they did a wonderful job with her. She is such an amazing young lady.

Okay, I'm going to attempt to go to bed.

Had a Fabulous Time

Yesterday just wore me out. I don't think I've fully recovered from all of the activity. My wonderful chillin' woke me up and we played around in the bed for a while. We called Jana around 9 and then we started getting ready to pick her up for our trip to Pensacola. Of course I had to clean out the car first of the bags from my CVS and Publix trip from earlier in the week. I think we got to her house around 11:15ish or so. Yes, Rebekah was on no time schedule and was "late". We are freaking hysterical. We were going to eat at Macaroni Grill when we got to P'cola but we were starving. Yes, we didn't even make it all the way into FWB before we stopped at the gas station for drinks and food. Smart Popcorn and Sprite!

I have to say that it was loads of fun on the drive over. We were acting all silly and I think perhaps even singing. Honestly though I can't remember. We went to the Toys R Us first and since Jackson had fallen asleep and I stayed in the car with him. Jana and Kenzie went inside to pee and to look at the baby stuff for little Gabe.

We had a full day at the mall. We didn't get home until after 10. Needless to say we were all exhausted.

Good Day

I finally had a really good day. Since our office was officially closed today I was suppose to be off too, however, that didn't seem to work out. I had some things to do at work and then ran out to get my hair trimmed. I got back and finished work and then Jana met up with me. We ran to Target to finally get me a plunger to de-clog the toliet in the kids bathroom. Kenzie or Jackson clogged it earlier this week when they were getting ready for a bath. I don't know if it was too much toliet paper or Jackson flushing it consecutively. Anyhoo thank goodness Jana put a plunger in my cart. I desperately needed it.

We then went to grab some lunch at Theo's. It's a neat little hole in the wall by the water. It says it's a pizza pub, but I'm not sure what you call it. It has so much character in it and I just love it. It's old and has tons of the little bears from the 70's and Greatful Dead items, collegiate flags, old record sleeves on the walls, etc. Just so much different things to look at. Very neat. This old lady named Liz, and yes, I know sometimes I think people are old when they really aren't THAT old, but she's in her 60's, and she's a hoot. She's a lesbian and funny as all get out. She had cancer a few years back and almost died but she's much better now. She was in there today cooking. She's just a nut. Jana and I haven't been there in 2 years so we went today. It was fun.

Jana and I are so comfortable it's just weird. When walking into Theo's Jana grabbed a few copies of the beach/activity publications and I of course grabbed the South Walton business paper. We sat down and ordered and then just started reading our papers. Pointing out different articles or whatnot. We have such different taste but we're just funny together. I love it though. Only we could be so crazy together and it be okay.

We headed over to the outlet mall. We went into Dress Barn, and they had some cute dresses, but nothing just called out my name. It was utterly depressing. I was trying to find something for my trip to FW/Dallas. I wanted something to wow Lee and something to wear for the birth fam. I realized that it had been too quiet with my phone so I had Jana call it. Of course Liz at Theo's answered it and I had left it at the table.

We went back to Theo's to p/u the phone. Apparently Liz had been answering my phone to see if the owner of it would call. She talked ot just a few clients of mine. Blah. We went back to the outlet mall to Carter's and Little Me. Jana is trying to find some clothes for her soon to be newphew. He's due in early May. We had a good time looking at itty bitty baby stuff.

We then headed back to my office so I could sent out a closing package and before I knew it it was 5. We p/u Kenzie and Jackson and then Jana headed home and the kids and I headed to CVS. I got the following FREE items, plus $1.00 back on EACH one: 10 listerine, 10 softsoap body wash, 10 crest nature's expressions toothpaste, 16 pantene shampoo/conditioner. It was great! Yipee.

Now I"m home and it's a little past 8. Jana is headed over here for just a bit. I think we're going to P'cola tomorrow to go to ToysRUs to get a stroller/carseat combo for Carrie. I also want to go to the mall there and go to Parisian. We don't have one here and I LOVE Parisian. Kenzie had so many outfits from there. They always have the best sales. I also want to look at the Old Navy there. I think we'll have fun going over there. I just want to get some more clothes. I am in desperate need of clothes. The only downside to going is having the kids and dragging them around with us all day. I think we'll have a good time though.

Jana and I have both been having our ups and downs. I don't know why. I do know that by us keeping each other busy busy and occupied that it makes things better. Apparently our next task is my garage. She said she'd help me finish "inventory". Fun fun fun. Seriously, it does sound like fun. I'm crazy wazy.

I am so glad to have Jana in my life. She understands me better than anyone. ANYONE. My weaknesses, downfalls, humor, and all of the other things. We complete each others sentences and ADD from one subject to the next and back around again. If I didn't have her while Lee is gone I don't know what I'd do.

I'm Leaving on a Jet Plane

... don't know when I'll be back again.

I am flying out next Friday to Dallas and I am super excited! I booked my flight this morning. I think I'm going to just scream. Okay, I'm excited, but not screaming yet. I'm seriously though trying to figure out how I am going to juggle all of the things I want to do while I am there. I wanted to go see where Kennedy was shot, Bonnie Solecki (the wonderful lady who worked so hard to find my birth mother), of course Bobbi and the whole Mitchell gang. I wouldn't mind seeing the place where I was born, but that won't be possible b/c it's on a base and I'm just a little 'ol civilian. I'd also like to see Southwestern Seminary and the apartments that my parents lived in.

So many things to do and so little time. I also am dying to see my little hubby Lee. I can't wait to see him. My plane arrives at 7:40 Friday night. He gets off of work at 4 that day and at first he said he'd leave the car for me but I reminded him he got off of work early and he better be there when I arrive. :-) I have no idea where I'm staying yet. I don't really care at this point. I do know that I can't wait to get there. I've been dying to go to Texas my entire life. The last time I went I was only 5.

I already called Bonnie S. and told her I was coming and I was going to be knocking on her door to see her. She told me to drop by any time. I cna't wait!

Okay... I started typing this yesterday but didn't finish. Our office is closed today (Friday) and of course I had to come in and work on some things. I did run out to get my hair cut. Thank goodness. Now this is how sad and pathetic my life is. I missed coupons last Sunday was just devestated. I ordered some on Tuesday and then on Wednesday afternoon the girl at the Pensacola paper said she was dropping 5 sets of the 4 inserts in the mail for me. My office window looks directly at the post office box. I keep looking for my mail lady. Everything should arrive today. I'm just waiting with anticipation. Without them I don't want to do my CVS deals b/c instead of getting items for free I'll be making about $1.5 on each thing and I'm talking about 20 items per card. Yes, I'm stupid. Waiting on the mail lady with my coupons. I've got 93.50 on one card of ECB's and 47.99 on the other card. Man the waiting is killing me.

Jana just got here. Off to get lunch and hopefully find my coupons.

Can I Quit Yet?

After last week and today I'm ready to throw in the towel with work. I LOVE what I do but things have been utterly insane and they don't seem to be getting better. The telephone/internet company was suppose to be at our office between 7-10 and have us up and running. Of course they ran late, it was closer to noon. Then it took until at least 2:30 before the phones were up and running. We had an internet connection but for some reason our router and modem weren't letting us out. It just so happens an IT company is right behind us and I ran over and begged them to help us. It took until a little after 4 but things were finally up. The entire day was wasted and I was already so far behind.

Taking time off with Jackson made the situation get worse and then with Lee leaving and me not having the flexibility of going in on the weekend or working late a couple of nights has compounded the problem. Whoever decided to have us move in the middle of the month was crazy. I'm sure we could have extened our lease by 15 days and let us move when things were slower. That would have made sense. Instead I had the strain of having 14 some odd closings last week AND moving. It didn't help that I had to go to FWB 4 of the days for closings. Not fun at all.

I was pooped when I left work. I was also still hot and sweaty from the day. I went to the old office this morning to vacuum and finish up there. It was in the 80's and so humid. I guess spring has definitely hit. Oh and the phone guy couldn't get some of our jacks working so he only activated the fax and the jack in my office. We have some phone service company coming tomorrow to finish the job. If it's not one thing it's another.

I shouldn't be up this late. I almost fell asleep with the kids tonight. I only got up because if I went to bed that early I would feel as if the day was just work and nothing else. I also came home to walk into my house and find that Buffet had gone through our trash and tore apart 2 bags of it. Dirty poppy diapers ripped apart and scattered everywhere. I sent the kids to the bathroom to take a bath while I cleaned it up.

I'm also worried about my BP. Jana and I were talking about it and I told her I had no idea what it was. I took it 3 times and the average was 154/108. I took it again this morning and it was 155/112. Scary I know. I need to go to the Dr. but when? There aren't enough hours in the day. I just tried taking it 3 times and each time I got an error message. It that b/c it's too high to register? Now I'm going to be paranoid. Nope, got it to work 151/118. Okay, I guess a call to the Dr. is in order. Now just to find time to make the call. Does flying on airplanes increase BP? I know that sounds crazy to ask but so many things can affect the BP I have no idea. Fun fun fun.

I'm so sad and I know it may sound trivial but when I went to get the newspapers on Sunday they were sold out everywhere!!! I went so many places and I even called the others I could think of. I called Elizabeth and asked her to stop by the gas station and get me some from B'ham but her lack of responding back to me if she did it makes me think she didn't. There were 4 inserts in last weeks paper. There were so many I needed. Free dishwash detergent. :-(.

Tired, Very Tired

Yesterday Jackson, Jana and I went to go pick up Mackenzie. We met my parents in Greenville and ate lunch at Cracker Barrel. Jana and I had a good time on the drive up there. We had major ADD conversations but that's the fun part of things. Both of us are having the up and down feelings. One minute we're happy go luck and the next week feel depressed. I know mine is largly due to Lee being gone and feeling overwhelmed with the family and work. It's not fun feeling this way. I think the lack of sleep Friday night had something to do with it as well.

Jackson woke me up at 6:30 Saturday morning and I was NOT ready to get up. I did anyway and then got on a cleaning binge before we left to get Kenzie. I vacuumed the den and our bedroom. Picked things off of the floor up. I was literally sweating. What's sad is there is so much more to be done. I have a whole list of projects to have finished before Lee gets home. I thought things would be easier to complete when Kenzie got back b/c Jackson would be occupied with her, but I was wrong. I forgot how she's constantly coming to me wanting this or that. It's okay, but I love it, but this is why it's impossible to get anything done.

I have to admit that part of me, well the only word I can come up with sounds harsh and I don't feel harsh about things but it's the only word that'll do, okay, I resent Lee for going. I'm not jealous and I know this is really hard on him going through the training and the kitchen which he isn't comfortable in, etc. but there's a BUT. When I call him and he's eating out at TGI with the guys and I'm just getting Jackson to bed at 9:30 and work has been stressful and I haven't even eaten all day b/c of time and he just says hi to me quickly and tells me his food is there and he's gonna go, well it's frustrating. He has almost every single Saturday off. I know he is going to study and whatnot, but when I call him and he's at the Book Depository in Dallas, the place I've been dying to go, and I'm leaving Greenville from a long day. He calls me last night from the bathroom and then I hear some singing in the background and he's at some sports bar w/ the guys. It's 11 at night.

Yes, I realize things are really hard on him and he's not sure he made the right choice or not. At the same time I'm going non-stop and don't have a support system. Mom said she'd come down after dad has his last Sunday at the church, but I mean really what is she going to do? I never know when work is going to hit crazy busy and I'll have to work late. I had these grand plans for the house and getting things in line and in order and maintain it while Lee's gone. It's not so easy to do I'm beginning to find.

We moved offices on Friday. I wasn't there when they moved the furniture as it was done at 5:30. I'm not looking forward to going in tomorrow to put everything together. Not fun at all. I don't want to have to deal with Bob or Bill or Melissa or anyone. I was talking to both Lee and Jana about getting a new prescription for the anti-aniexty meds etc. and Lee told me to just go to the Dr.. Okay, when? In my spare time? I know that by taking that med again it would certainly help me get through this time without stressing out so much but I just don't have time to go.

I'll update more of what's gone on a little bit later but I need to go dry my hair. AND get out of my funk. Oh Jana call me back. Let's get me occupied and it'll pass. I know it works for you too.