How Could It Be Different?

I don't feel like I've caused things to be felt and I won't, I know it has nothing to do with me. But how could I change the way things are? Is there something I can do to make things a little different? Did it all start with me? Or were things already set in motion the way things would be before I came to be? Somehow I feel like I wish by me being here now could make things better and erase any pain or feelings. Don't let my existance affect relationships you've had from day 1. I know it's not possible nor is it up to me. This is just my personality and how I always want everyone to be happy and things to turn out good.

Am I selfish because it never crossed my mind what all would be drudged up? My only concern was affecting present day. I guess I should've thought it over from all angles. Even if I had thought it from all sides I honestly would not have done anything differently.

I know it's not me and it has nothing to do with me. Just know I love you just as you are. I wouldn't want you to be any different. I am not disappointed in any way. I am proud at how much you've accomplished. We're so much a like in so many ways. You are loved. If you need to bow out for now I will be right here waiting for you. I waited for 26 years and will continue to wait if I need to.

Love - Me

Long Time No Type

Am I the corniest person out there or what? It's been a wild and crazy week but I'm finally up to posting again. I guess a recap of the past week would be appropriate since so much has happened.

December 23rd
Jackson still had a fever on Saturday when he woke up. We had already called off his birthday party because there was no way he was up for traveling. In doing so it did take a lot of the stress off of me to have the house finished by Friday night. Lee and I both cleaned the house and he put together the rest of the trampoline and I put together Jackson's outside playhouse. We really accomplished a lot but it didn't feel like it. Jackson slept off and on from 10:30 until 5:30. He was so pitiful. He'd wake up and then roll back over to sleep. His eyes looked so tired and sick. He was burning up all day long. I ran out to the grocery stores and when I came back cooked meatballs. Jackson was up for a good bit Saturday night. His fever finally broke durning the evening. Elizabeth called while we were all in bed and he talked to her for a moment and when I got the phone from him he looked at me and said "Beth Beth gone gone". It was the cutest thing I'd ever heard. So darling.

December 24th
We got up and I vacuumed and mopped the kitchen and did a few last things around the house. We got on the road at 11 and headed up to Birmingham. I had felt sick off and on during the week but it was finally getting to me on the drive up. I had gotten a sandwich but felt so bad I couldn't even eat it. We had a fairly uneventful drive up to Birmingham. Not too much traffic on the road and Jackson was so good. He looked so much better.

We got to my parents around 3:30 or so and Lee brought in all of the gifts and luggage. I was feeling really bad by this point and it took everything in me to get our clothes out for Lee to iron so we could go to the Christmas Eve service. We went at 4:30 and it was nice. I felt like crap the entire time but did have a good time. Jackson was semi-good during the service. Lee had to take him out twice. The first time is because he noticed a man on the balcony and kept trying to talk to us and tell him about the strange man. Lee brought him back in just when my dad had the kids come and sit around him while he told this story he does every year. Jackson all of the sudden recognized my dads voice. He stopped and started looking for him and then didn't take his eyes off of him. That's very unusual because he is hardly around them.

When the service was over we went home and mom had sandwich stuff for dinner. Every year for as long as I can remember she has had chili on Christmas eve. I asked her about it and apparently my grandmother forgot to tell her that she couldn't eat it until she got there so mom had to improvise. Grandmother was her normal self this year and made some rather rude comments about different things but we're all use to it by now. I still felt horrible and I had even loaded up on some of the "good" medicine too.

We opened up Jackson's birthday presents first. I hated doing it on Christmas eve because I don't want him to ever feel as if his birthday has gotten lost in the shuffle. Mom put 2 candles on a piece of cake and we sang to him. He was so freaking cute. Then Elizabeth and I played Santa and passed out the gifts. It's something that I guess we'll always do even when our kids have kids. We've earned the right.

All of my life until the past 2 years or so we have taken turns opening gifts. We all had an order and each person would open one gift then the next and next, etc. It was always drawn out and boring. We could never just rip into the gifts. We followed this method slightly until half way through. It was great just opening things with no regard for who's turn it was. Jackson has gotten the hang of ripping packages open. It's so fun to watch him and Mackenzie's faces. I didn't open my gifts until the kids were done or almost done. I just felt too bad to do so. Lee and I each got the cutest ornament from mom and inside each of them was a $100 bill. You have no idea how glad I am mom started giving money last year. I also got a Chik-Fil-A calendar that mom tried to later steal from me to give to Ben since she thought she lost the one she had bought for him. Grandmother gave us each $50 and Elizabeth gave me some amazing lotions from Aveda and gloves to wear over the lotion. I am so excited because my hands had been cracking in the nooks of my fingers and hand.

As soon as we finished opening up everything I went upstairs to pass out. I got in Elizabeth's bed and went to sleep. I woke up at 1:00AM with a horrible migraine and she happened to have some Excederin in her room. She was so sweet and even went downstairs and got me a glass of water. Headache barely went away but I went back to sleep. Then I woke up at 5:30 or so as did she. We headed downstairs to get something for me to eat since I hadn't eaten hardly a thing all day. We had a good time and then went back to bed. I woke up and had another splitting headache and felt horrible.

We all got ready and headed out at 10 for Montgomery to see Macie, Jay and Zula. Lee drove and I kept feeling like I was going to puke in the car. I felt miserable. All I wanted to do is go home. I didn't care about any gifts or anything at all. I just wanted my bed and sleep. We got to Macie & Jay's and I thought I was going to die. It took everything in me not to just start crying. I rested for a bit while Lee went w/ the kids to pick up Zula. Then it was back to being mom. We ate really late and finally left there at 5:30. We got home around 8 and boy was I glad to finally be home.

Santa had come too. He knew we moved. I'm shocked! The kids had toys and clothes and shoes and slippers! Where in the world did Santa get everything? And Mrs. Clause was so worried that the kids wouldn't have enough. Silly lady. Never again will I worry that the kids are going without. They are spoiled rotten. It's ridiculous.

December 26
Our offices were technically closed but of course I had to go in and work on stuff. I went to the Dr. at 10 and my bp was xxx/120. I don't remember the top number but the bottom one was stroke level. I think it's because all of the drugs I had crammed in my system and the horrible migraine I had. The Dr. gave me a very wonderful antibiotic for my sinus infection and start of a respriatory infection. It better be good for $50. Then he gave me Relpax prescription for the migraine and it worked great but even w/ my insurance it was $50 and I could get only 5 pills. yeah, I think I'll pass on it next time. The other drug was a tylenol/caffeine/codine type pill to help w/ my migraines. I felt loopy and drugged earlier in the day b/c I was so sick and later in the day b/c I had drugs in my system and no food for 3 days.

I went home around 1:30 but then headed back to work at 4:30 to finish up some stuff. It sucked b/c I was suppose to be off. Oh and this is when you know I'm sick. I went to Target to fill the prescriptions. It was the 1st day of 50% off on the Christmas things. I didn't even want to look at any of it. I wanted to be in bed. Now that's sad.

Lee and Jackson met up with me later at Target and we got a 9' tree for next year. It's so purty. I'm excited and it won't look dwarfed in the house as the other one did. Then I just wanted to go home. Jackson and I went home and Lee picked up supper for us. I guess I ate at 9:30 or so and then passed out and went to bed. Oh and Kenzie was spending the night at a neighbors house.

December 27th
Still felt bad but was starting to get better. Work was busy but drugs are great. This was Lee's last day off. I went home and crashed again. Very tired and my body was trying to get back to normal. I don't think we did anything. I can't remember but it seems like I just cuddled w/ the kids in bed.

December 28th
Lee 1st day back to work after having 10 days off. I was super busy at work. Lee called me to tell me that the assistant managers got bonuses for Christmas. They never have gotten bonuses before. Ever. A few months back the head operations guy gave Lee a check for $1500 from his personal account to help make Lee happy. We had talked about the possibility of getting a bonus but he and I both figured if the far fetched idea did happen then he wouldn't get one b/c he got the other one. Boy were we wrong. He had his paystub waiting for him and another envelope. It was a check. All I'll say is it was more than his other bonus. We are very fortunate people.

Lee came by my office and took my FedEx packages for me. Then we picked up the kids and went to Target. There wasn't too much and I don't think we hardly got a thing. We all then went to go eat dinner at Longhorn. And Jana came along too. We had a really good time. I was feeling much better! Jackson was hysterical though. He was fussy and out of his chair. Kenzie went to the bathroom and I asked him if he wanted some of her mac 'n cheese. Oh My! He seriously made a beeline from the other side of the table for me. He then went into his chair wanted to get in it and eat the mac 'n cheese. It was so durn cute! Kenzie was very gracious and shared her dinner w/ him. We all left very full!

Today
Same ol same 'ol. I'm at work and tired. It's taking a lot for my body to regain strength. I'll have another long weekend though. My children are so freaking great. They're so cute. I don't know what I'd do without them. They're my friends. I don't know what our plans are for this weekend. I do know that I am going to organize all of the toys yet again and find places for everything. Jackson's room use to look so big but that's not the case anymore. toys toys everywhere are toys!

Will We Get it All Done?

I don't think we're going to have everything in ready before we leave. Okay, I hope we will. This week has been so stressful on all of us. Monday night I don't think I did too much. I was exhausted and it was Lee's birthday but he had to work. It was very low key this year. Tuesday night I was Jana's "plus one" and went to her work Christmas party at a very nice upscale restaurant in Pensacola named Jackson's. Great name by the way. We had a great time. Audrey had me cracking up the entire time and we sat with the rest of the crazy ladies. It was really nice. I even got to wear my first ever cocktail type dress. It was fun getting all dressed up and knowing that we both looked good.

Needless to say the next morning I could barely move. I didn't even have a drop of liquor but I felt like I had a hang over. I guess that's what happens when you come in at 12:30 when you're use to going to bed wayyyy before then. Lee started his vacation Tuesday and has been home all week. I can't say he's been relaxing too much. He's been trying to get everything together around the house. On Wednesday Jason came over and helped him put up the trampoline. That took all day long. I came home Wednesday night and was in bed by 8. We all woke up late Thursday morning. It was 7:45 and I was in a dead sleep. I sang happy birthday to Jackson but he didn't seem to really know what was going on. He just kept smiling.

I kept telling Candy that I thought he was getting sick. He had been crying all the way to Destin since Tuesday morning. Wednesday night when I picked him up she said he looked sick in his eyes. I got a phone call yesterday that Jackson had thrown up everywhere at Candy's house. I picked him up at 4 and bless his heart. He was back asleep on the couch. I got him up and we headed home. He ended up throwing up 3 times in the car. He looked so pitiful. He had a fever too. My poor baby. He went back to sleep once we got home and he got up around 7 or so. We ate something and then we all ended up in bed around 8 or so. Jackson went to sleep with me and then I heard him crying at 3:15 this morning. I just knew he was about to throw up. Yup. He did and right into my mouth. Yeah, some of it went in. It was disgusting I just spit it out and had to keep going because my baby needed me. It was awful though because Lee had just washed the sheets and pillow cases and comforter. He got it all over the pillow and the sheets.

I changed shirts and went in the den with him. I gave him some Tylenol and he had some coke. Then he decided to throw up again all over me. Yeah, it was so freaking nasty. Lee took him from me and then I went and showered off. I got up this morning and went into work and was hoping to go home as soon as I got my closing packages. Yeah, it's 2:02 and I still don't have them. It sucks. My Jackson needs me and I'm stuck here in Destin.

I went and picked up Mackenzie a computer chair for her room and plates, etc. for Jackson's birthday party that we have since canceled. I still have a bunch to wrap. I need to clean our bathroom, clean the kitchen (majorly) and the den. Lee cleaned out Mackenzie's room and painted her furniture. It's not the greatest job but it will do until we get new furniture in her room and it's better than what it was before. I still have to go to Home Depot for Macie's gift card, ship off our laptop for repairs, ship out the computer & printer we sold on ebay, order Mackenzie's keyboard online, put together her computer chair, help Lee finish the trampoline, ship off Brad and Bobbi's gifts (yeah, I feel so bad that I haven't done that yet, I am a very bad person and they've been sitting in my office for 2 weeks now and I finally finished them on Monday and still haven't shipped them. Bad Rebekah). I also need to help Lee finish the laundry, organize the kitchen cabinets and hmmm... I'm sure there are some more things I need to do before we leave. It's just so much. I'm sort of glad that we're not having Jackson's birthday party tomorrow in Montgomery because we'll have an extra day but I hate that he's sick. I just hate it for him.

Mackenzie had a great time with my parents at Beauty and the Beast. She loved it and it is such a great present for her. She also went to the dentist for the first time yesterday. Apparently they treated her very well and she had a good time. She's such a sweet little girl. I miss her like crazy. I can't wait to see her big smile and give her a big kiss! She's my angel, she is what helped ground me. If it wasn't for her I have no idea what direction my life might have taken. I know it wasn't the best circumstances to bring her into the world, but I can tell you she couldn't have more people to love her and support her if I had been married when I had her. She is so deeply loved and taken care of. She is one lucky girl!

So my week has been crazy! Next week I am sure will be just as crazy! I'm ready to get it all over with. Sometimes it's more stress than it's worth.

I'm Going to Miss Her

Lee and I met my parents in Greenville today to hand off Mackenzie to them for the next week. I know I say that sometimes I need a break but as soon as she's gone I'm missing her. I even started missing her last night before she had gone and I had to go sleep w/ her because of it and that has never happened before. So it's just me, Lee and Jackson for the rest of the week. My little man is certainly lonely without his sister. He gets so jealous of her (which is insane b/c he takes up most of the attention, but she's so gracious) but gosh how he adores her. He always misses her when she leaves.

We got the 2nd box of Brad's gifts today. Yes, we opened them. Is it because I am so impatient and cannot wait? Not entirely. Our home phone has been dying a slow death the past few months I knew that one of the gifts was a new phone system thingy. Brad had already said we could open them up (although now I'm not sure if he meant it or not). Jackson got the coolest Diego animal/treehouse w/ this cool helicopter that spins from the top and does some really cook things. I have to say I enjoyed it quite a bit tonight. He also got a set of fire truck cars and a set of police cars. The SWAT team car is my favorite I do believe. Jackson is playing w/ the helicopter as I type and pushing the buttons on the tree house. So sweet.

Lee's off to the gas station. I'm trying to sneak in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days while he's gone.

The Office

I am watching tonight's hour episode on DVR and it is just cracking me up. I love the dry humor and the point of view that the story lines are told from. It took a while for me to enjoy it but now I can't wait for the next episode.

I am getting better. Yes I am. I am staying so busy during the day that the day flies by and before I know it it's past 3pm. Then I look up again and it's past 4. We got in 7 new orders today which is phenomenal. I finally got to the point where I'm really busy. I am also so excited (and it doesn't take much to excite me) that I finally got the phone numbers for my clients. Yipeee!!! I can finally accomplish what I need to do.

I got the sweetest thing today via UPS. It was a huge box full of homemade cookies, candies, brownies ,etc. from Grandpa Mitchell, Bobbi's dad. He made all of the treats and then mailed them to me. It was so sweet and so thoughtful of him. I can't believe he thought about me of all people while baking for the family. You know Christmas is stressful and Lee hates it b/c of the stress of money, etc. but he said today when he opened the box up he said something about how the best part of Christmas is the thoughtfulness put in when sending people gifts. I love it. I just wish I had more to give this year. Not that it matters to anyone but to me I wish I could.

Okay, I'm going to finish the rest of The Office. I'm hoping that Pam and Jim end up getting together or kissing or something. Yeah, I'm a sucker for TV shows.

Another Day Goes By

It's Wednesday, just another day down in the books. Mackenzie is reading this out loud over my shoulder. I stopped typing and she looked at me and said "what? I paused". She's been learning how to read out loud and vocalize the punctuation. When I paused typing she made sure to tell me she was pausing as well. She's so adorable! But it is a little annoying that she keeps reading everything I type.

I spoke w/ the attorney today about the job offer. I am really on the fence about everything. I'm not happy about my current situation but we got in 7 orders just today alone and 15 since last Thursday. This isn't even taking into consideration the new account Bob landed and should start hitting us in a week and a half. I think I'm going to wait until the week of the 25th and see if the new account has started coming in. If it has then I will go to my boss and tell him that #1 I want a new contract (yeah, I found out that after I got mine they started doing them differently) and the terms to be very specific, that I keep the increased bonus and my old salary, they pay my back bonuses, reimburse me for my cell phone that they haven't for 5 months and I can't think of anything else at this time. I can't imagine why they wouldn't do this especially when Bob (yes, the same Bob the same guy I vented about a while back) goes to bat for me. He really likes me and knows and repeatedly tells me that he's heard nothing but great things about me and my reputation is stellar in the real estate community. He doesn't want me to go anywhere and I do trust him because he has told me things that he hasn't had to that have kept me up to date on the different situations. So there I am with that.

This week has not been a fun one so far. It's been a fairly horrible PMS week and I'm feeling better today though. I was soooo busy today that the day just flew by. This is the first time in months that I can say that. Between working on my closings for Monday and the 7 new orders it was semi-crazy but great. Lee stopped by to bring me my stuff that I left at home. Then the rest of the day flew by.

I have to say that I was so sad to hear that Peter Boyle passed away today. He played the dad on Everybody Loves Raymond. I did not start watching the show until the last season and I missed out on a great show. I now watch it religously every night on TBS. I think he was a great actor and he and Doris Roberts really made a great pair ont he show.

I'm out. I started this last night (Wednesday) but didn't finish b/c the kids were all over me. So I had to wrap it up this morning.

I Stayed Up Late Last Night

I can't believe it. I actually went to bed late last night. I think I got in the bed around 11 or so. I was so exhausted driving home and in my funk still (yeah, it's not entirely gone). Jana called and I hadn't talked to her all weekend. She was driving home from court in PC and was going to stop by and I'd cook tacos for dinner. I got out and checked the mail and to my great surprise were our Christmas cards from Brad and Lee and Jackson's birthday cards. Jackson's birthday card was so adorable and I can't believe it had the number 2 on it. I just can't believe he's 2!!! Mackenzie was thrilled over her card too. She read every word to us. The stickers with the card thrilled her even more. Jackson loved looking at his cards and the stickers on the envelopes. The b'day card had glitter on it and he liked it.

I of course though got back in my funk when I walked in the house. I bathed the kids and then started cleaning up the kitchen. Unloaded and loaded the dishwasher, cleaned all the counters, straightened up the counters, cleaned the kitchen table... you get the idea. Jana came in and the kids were happy to see her. When she's there she can see how the kids can get to me sometimes. Mackenzie is just 90 to nothing in your face and Jackson can be up my butt. It doesn't make me love them any less but after being gone all day and coming home and trying to make dinner or straighten up it's overwhelming. God love her but Mackenzie can just be a lot to take in. Some nights she's calm but most nights she's all over the place and constantly going. Sometimes Lee doesn't realize how much it can be on me coming home from work and being tired and just pooped or frustrated sometimes. Even though I work a desk job it doesn't mean I'm any less tired than a manual labor worker.

I also think since I am the only one in the office every day that the quietness is helping to bring on my depression. Anyone who knows me knows that I have to have people around. Yes, I have been busier the past week but that doesn't make it any less boring. My mind is also not being challenged. I need a challenge. I need my mind to think. I'm actually a fairly smart and intellectual person (although it's hard to tell by my craziness) and I need to stimulate my mind. Sitting idle and going unchallenged doesn't help an ADD person like me.

I had to be on a conference call at 8 this morning for work. Lee opened this morning and took the kids to school for me. I didn't not like getting up extra early but it was nice to drive in the car by myself. Usually there is lots of laughter and commotion. I wouldn't change it though, I love taking the kids to school. The morning time together and laughing and talking about things is great. They are so sweet and happy in the mornings. It's the afternoons when Mackenzie can be sooooo tired that she's grumpy and hungry that aren't fun. You know when she first started school last year I so badly wanted to know how her day went and what she did at school. I kept getting the same response every day. "I don't know... I don't remember". I still get that sometimes. What is up with that? Is she already getting to the point where she doesn't want to tell me things? :-)

I remembered my pita bread today for lunch. I didn't have to eat just turkey like yesterday. I'm so certain everyone is wanting my daily food intake. I'll make sure I detail it in a daily log and post it for everyone. Since I'm so Nicole Ritchie thin right now I know everyone is concerned. Seriously though when I lost that little bit of weight a few months back it made me drop 2 cups sizes in my bra and I'm so happy. Lee kind of made a comment about it but he was just playing. Men can love breasts and all that stuff but being a women they aren't fun. Either you are flat chested and wish you were bigger or too big and wish you were smaller. Being a woman is hard work. It's also a no win situation.

I'm suppose to meet w/ the guy about the job somtime tomorrow. I don't know what time but I do know it's suppose to be in the afternoon. I just don't want anyone to ask me about it because I feel pressure about it. I'm thinking, "what if he doesn't call?" and other things like that. I can't help it. I try to be pessimistic because I don't want to be disappointed if something doesn't work out. But he said I had the job and he was offering it to me and wanted to show me on Wednesday afternoon the compsensation package. Do you think he was just being nice since I called? Surely not. Now I'm being paranoid.

I wonder what a stranger who stumbled upon this blog would think. Surely they would think I've lost my mind. That's okay because this is me take me or leave me but I'm curious. I'm also curious who reads this. I know my sister does and Jana when she remembers. I wonder who else? Is this a page in the wonderful land of the internet that is in oblivion? I know people have looked at this page over 6xx times since I started it but I don't know who, etc. But it'd be interesting to know. I love reading blogs. The real and raw ones. Such as this. Not holding back anything and just putting yourself out there.

Okay, I'm going to work on some things. Hopefully get through today a little better. Well, at least the afternoon.

Our Tree is Decorated!

Our tree is finally decorated! You have no idea how happy it makes me. We also now have lights around the house and it looks nice. We can finally find our house on our very dark street. Putting up all of the lights made Mackenzie one happy little girl. It's so nice to see her get all excited over the holidays. And this year is the first year Jackson has gotten excited over the small things. The lights, the tree, the music box with the train going round the tree, the Grinch doll that sings, and I could go on and on. I am trying to put the negative things w/ work behind me and move forward with a positive and happy attitude. I just have to trust that all of the financial woes right now will all work out. I don't think I can stress out anymore than I have been. I can't let it affect mine and Lee's relationship and certainly not let it trickle down to the kids.

I finally put all of the Christmas cards out in the mail yesterday. I have to tell you it took a long time to do all of them. I did our first ever Christmas letter. It ended up taking up 2 pages but that just shows that we don't lead dull lives. I then had different matching appliques (can you believe I even know what that word is????) and put them on the bottom of the 2nd pages and then glue them to the front of the envelopes. I am just praying that they make it through the mail system. Anyone who reads this please let me know if the cute little things made it intact on the envelope. It would just satisfy my curiosity. Printing out the pictures though took forever. I used the photo printer and I am very impress with the quality of pictures. Too bad it's just slow. And when you print out as many as I did, well, it was a slow process. I am very proud of the final results though. I am not an artsy person and certainly don't take time to do crafts but it turned out nice I think. Oh... I mispelled my biological sister Kristan's name in the first set I did so I had to correct it. So when addressing the envelopes I had to make sure that I did the right envelopes for the Mitchell families to go w/ the corrected copies. I'm sure they wouldn't have cared or maybe even noticed but I did.

Today at work has been semi-okay. It quite frankly just sucks. I am doing my job and doing it well but there is not enthusiasm. I really don't care too much if the building burned down. And if for some crazy reason it does I did not do it. This is just a vent and not the page of a pyromaniac. Although I did catch the bush outside on fire a few weeks back, but it was entirely accidental and thanks to Jana pulling up to the office she saw it and mentioned it to me and I put the fire out. It was a tad comical but it could have gone sooo wrong.

Why is my house always a disaster? Why can't clothes fold themselves? Why can't the kids always put back their things exactly where they go? Why can't the dishwasher unload itself? Why can't the swiffer mop the kitchen floor? Why oh why? It seems just as I get things semi-decent (or Lee does) then bam! we're hit with another disaster. I do have to say growing up my mom was really strict on how clean our rooms were, etc. At some point though she gave up. I honestly don't know how she could stand it. I remember my room was covered completely with things. I mean you'd have to wade through it all just to make it to my bed. It was awful. Mackenzie's room gets like that sometimes. And this is after she's cleaned it or we have for her. It drives me nuts.

I've gotten into a cooking kick lately. I have no idea why but I've been cooking dinner more often (or throwing stuff together I should say) and baking. I have to say the chocolate oatmeal peanut butter no bake cookies though are the best thing in the entire world. It took a while for me to figure out the receipe I was using listed milk instead of evaporated milk and that's why mine always had major issues but I've got it down pat now and wow are they good. Mackenzie doesn't like them but Lee loves them. I gave a piece to Jackson yesterday and he kept coming back for more, more, more. So freaking adorable! I just want to eat him up.

I'm ready to go home but I can't. Even though it's warm outside I just want to curl up at home. I wish we had a real fireplace instead of this fake electric one. Yeah, we have a fake electric fireplace that came with a remote. Yes, a remote control fireplace. It just sounds so cheap. Ever had a neighbor that drove you nuts and you wanted to hide from her but you couldn't b/c you live on the same street? Yeah, I do. She is about to drive me insane. I can't lie to her and tell her I can't watch her kids b/c my car is in the driveway. I wish I could firmer with people. I can't. I'm a sucker. I may complain and talk all tough to others but when it comes down to it I'm not so tough.

Okay I'm off to do a little bit of work. And eat a chocolate oatmeal peanut butter no bake cookie. Yummmmmmmy!

Job

Before I forget to put this in the post I got the job I interviewed for. I was a little bit nervous and I called his office around 4 just for piece of mind. I figured he had offered it to someone else. He took my call and said he was going to call me blah blah blah and wants to offer me to the job. He said Thursday night and Friday he had been going over the financials, etc. and will meet w/ me on Wednesday to sit down with me and go over the entire compensation package. We had talked base salary and bonuses already but I think he was trying to just finalize things. I got the impression that he might be offering a higer base salary. He said yesterday that it was very important to him that during the high volume times that I make lots of money for myself and the office but during lean times that I am also taken care of and won't have to worry about my income. So we'll see on Wednesday what the final offer is. But at least he picked me. He liked me and the part that I'm an Auburn fan didn't hinder things. :-)

1st Grade Pictures...

I hate my 1st grade picture. Why? Because I am not smiling and am doing this awful thing with my lips that makes them look straight across. It's not a frown and it's not a smile. So I get Mackenzie's pictures she had made for Christmas at school a few weeks back. Yup, you got it. No smile. Not as bad as my 1st grade picture but pretty close. As a mom I'm disappointed in them as I'm sure my mom was with mine back then. Hopefully she won't cringe at the picture 20 years later like I do.

Tonight is her Christmas thingy at school. It is mandatory for all to attend because it counts as part of their music grade. I don't think this is exactly fair as some parents might have a hard time attending. I know last year for the end of the year program we didn't go. I had a client stuck in my office until 6 and by the time I got the kids it had already started. It wasn't my fault. Lee was working and on top of that they didn't tell us it was mandatory. They tried to fail my precious angel b/c she didn't go. I had a talk w/ the music minister (who by the way I don't particularly care for). I explained to him that because of work I couldn't make it in time and I am the only parent who could take her and on top of that you didn't state it was mandatory. He gave me some speech about if I had called him 2 or 3 days prior he would be more understanding. I then told him if I had known 2 or 3 days prior that I would have a client in my office until 6 I would have made sure to not have them there at that time. Needless to say Mackenzie received an "A". Trust me hell would've been raise if he had given her an "F".

Mackenzie had a playdate at Anna Ennis' house last night. I brought lunch for her up to the school yesterday as did Anna's mom, Donna. She invited Kenzie over and just picked her up from school. Her husband is a plastic surgeon in town (yes the same one I had my consultation w/ and let me tell you it's awkward to see him at soccer games, etc now). She has to be one of the most down to earth people though. She's not pretentious or snotty like some of the other moms at the school. I know this is sterotyping people but most Dr.'s wives are stuck up and snotty and flaunt their husband and the money he makes but not her. Mackenzie was worn out when I picked her up. I was worn out too as I was asleep by 8 last night. How wonderful sleep is.

Tuesday night I was coerced into watching my neighbors 2 kids from hell for her while she did a taxi run for her business. From 7:30 - 9 the kids terrorized me and my house. The son Nate, who is 7, spits when he talks. I was fixing my supper and I had to keep moving my food over because he kept getting closer to it and I could just tell he'd spray it. Then Jana was over too and sitting on the couch and man he just sprayed her w/ spit. They tore apart both the kids rooms which had finally been clean for once. I don't like the kids and they are just plan odd. They are homeschooled too so perhaps that has something to do with it. Lee told me to tell their mom I couldn't watch them for her but we live on the same street and I couldn't tell her I wasn't at home. She'd see my car. And no I can't hide in the garage b/c my garage is so full.

We've had our tree up since Saturday. There are still no ornaments on it. I'm too tired to do it. I'm too tired to work on the house for Christmas. I'm also semi-depressed b/c the last little things I wanted to get them for Christmas I can't now. With the recent massive paycut I just don't want to spend anything that is not necessary. And goodness knows that the little stocking stuffers all add up especially when you have 2 kids.

I had a job interview on Tuesday. It went good I think. It's for an attorney whos parking lot is literally attached to mine now. The pay is $10k less than what I was making but the bonuses are 1 1/2 times more than what I was being paid when they decided to actually abide by my employment contract. Okay... I won't go there. But at least the base pay is more than what they cut me down to now. I should find out tomorrow if I got the job. He lived in Montgomery for a while and he was actually partners with a deacon in our church. We knew a lot of the same people. He had 2 other people he was interviewing but he did ask me not to take another job until we talk on Friday. I don't know if that's good or not. It makes me nervous. Jana did remind me that every job I've gone for I've gotten. Let's just keep our fingers crossed this one comes through. I really liked the guy and his business philosophy and he is of good moral character. I know by working in his office my mouth will get much better.

Mackenzie had to write a little paragraph about a family member. Who did she pick? Me, Lee, Jackson , grandmama, grandaddy, Brad, Elizabeth? NO She picked Sarah Beth her cousin she met at Thanksgiving. It was a riot when she was reading it to me. She caught me off guard because I didn't have a clue who she was talking about until she referenced the cousin part. They were insperable at T-giving and each have a TON of energy and had a great time.

This week has gone by slow. I have honestly had a poor attitude about work because I am still seething about how they have treated me. I am sure I will get over it soon but it just irks me. I am doing some side research for a realtor that I really like and he's paying me for it and hopefully it will payoff for him. If it does then I get a small part too. It also keeps me busy during the work hours. I did get in new deals this week and I've taken care of my business but I'm miserable. It sucks.

Lee is off on Sunday. Hopefully we can finally finish up the house. Otherwise I'm suggesting we take down the tree. There is no sense in just having it up for a week. You know what I mean? I've still got to take the kids pictures for the Christmas cards. I've just got to find the time to do that. It seems like there is never enough time in the day.

Okay, I'm going now. I've got a client coming in to sign 1 sheet of paper then going to pick up the kids and figure out how to kill time until she has to be at school at 6:15. You know we won't get home until after 8 or 8:30 tonight. I hate that too. I'm already exhausted and doing that will wear me out even more. I can't figure out why I'm being so sluggish. I don't think I'm pregnant so I don't know what it is. Ever heard of disappearing pregnancies? I could've sworn that I had one last month because of how it was and some things that happened. When I was at the Dr.'s yesterday I explained to her about it and all and she agreed that she thinks it was a disappearing pregnancy. She said women can have 10's of them and never know their entire life. It is quite common. Thank goodness I'm not preggers though. If I was then I think I'd die. Yup just lie down on the floor and die.

I'm Back!!!!!

I'm back!!! I decided to take a bit of time off from posting because quite honestly I was in a funk. With the real estate market being down lately things with work haven't been the best and I let it put me in a funk. I'm out of it and back with full force.

There is a lot to type, okay, not that much, but I just don't have the time right now. It's not that we had an eventful weekend but you know me. I can always find something to say. I can't help it. I'll be back on later with an update.