Frustrated and Sad

I am so frustrated and so upset because of Lee's actions or should I say non-actions towards the kids. Mackenzie was baptized this past Sunday and 2 weeks prior to it my dad called Lee and asked him to come and afterwards us to each lunch with us. He said he'd come and made arrangements to close that Sunday. As I am pulling into the parking lot Sunday morning he calls me to say that he's too tired to come.

He just doesn't get it. He doesn't understand how he lets down the kids. Our kids. Jackson was so happy thinking that he would see Lee. Mackenzie was looking forward to sharing the day with him. He has no desire to see them. He never ever calls to see how they are doing and pretty much never calls at all. It doesn't bother me if he doesn't want anything to do with me but that it's the kids he is ignoring.

It breaks my heart. It tears up my soul. I cry for them and how one day they will be affected by their father not caring. He's always been distance with them emotionally and usually just likes to buy them things to make them happy but that is not what they need. I can't really understand his thought process. I must can't imagine not caring about your own children.

And today was my DHR mandated psychological exam to see if I am fit to have them with me. It's sort of my exit exam with DHR. Whatever is recommended by the psychologist is what DHR will require of me before they close my case. I have to admit I didn't really mind the exam because they did an IQ test, personality test and a bunch of other things but quite frankly it pisses me off. Lee is the one who caused all of this damage but I am the one having to constantly prove myself to DHR.

Yes, he pays child support but that's it. I'm out there busting my butt to make money to cover the rest of the bills and am the sole caretaker of the kids. I love it and taking care of them but knowing I have the sole responsibility is sometimes overwhelming. It's not fair that while I'm doing everything right he just does so much that screws with the kids.