I sat here for a minute trying to figure out a title for today's post. I can't think of anything. It's all be redundant. I'm sick of having HBP and I'm counting down the days until I'm induced. I really wish my face and lips weren't so swollen. I've already got big lips and they don't need to be any bigger. When I smile it looks like my eyes are almost lost in the puffiness. The ladies that just glow during pregnancy and talk about how wonderful it is must be crazy. Don't get me wrong I love feeling Avery move all about and it's so amazing knowing that there is a human being in my tummy but it's not a walk in the park.

The whole idea of complete bedrest with bathroom priviledges is a joke. How does a Dr. seriously expect a mother of 2 to stay in bed? It's impossible. My BP has already started climbing back up really high and I'm even taking that new med like I'm suppose to. I really think the only way to keep it down is by tying me down to a hospital bed. I am not wishing that at all but it's the only time it goes down. My mom keeps asking me if I need her to come down and I keep telling her no. I hate for her to put her life on hold to help me out. Besides the fact that Lee hasn't finished helping me clean up the house doesn't help.

He's out of the house right now heading to P'cola for a job interview. He doesn't want the job but it's his backup plan. He's under all this stress and pressure trying to find a job and I want to just explode. Yes, he has handled it better than I expected but he's still making himself sick over this. Not like before but his negative attitude is just a downer. I'm so tired of negativity. When I'm positive he tells me it just makes him feel worse and puts more pressure on him. I give up. I don't know what to say to him anymore.

What I don't think he understands is that deep down I think his anxiety and stress is hurting my health right now. I don't let him get to me and it's not negative all the time but I think in a subtle way it is. Most of the time I've been feeling completely relaxed and so forth but it's still sky high. It can't help having a stress bomb ticking in the other room.

I did get some great news yesterday. Jana has it worked out so she can be here for Avery's birth. I cannot tell you how happy that makes me. I know we don't see each other but every 6 months or so it seems but she's still my best friend. I can't wait for her to be apart of this as she was for Jackson. I know this may sound awful but I sometimes feel as if she may be around longer than Lee will be. Read into it what you want but sometimes I feel as if he may just fall apart one day and it'll just be me and the kids. There goes my positive thinking.

Oh and now his sister who never had time to see the kids, ever, even when she was down here visiting wants to come see Avery when she's born. Oh and bring her boyfriend who is old enough to be her dad. I'm sorry but I just don't want her around. She heard from her grandmother that I was pregnant a while back and she sends Lee and email asking if the rumor around the campfire is true that I'm "knocked up again". She has had no interest in any of us at all but once she cheats on her devoted husband and starts the divorce and finds a new man she wants to come down here. I'm not interest in watching her show off the 47 year old man. That's just disgusting. She's my age for goodness sakes. She's just a self centered person who I don't see as changing.

I'm going to go back to my position of laying still on the bed. Somehow I don't think it's going to help but I'm just following orders. Which honestly doesn't happen very often.