I Hate Dr.'s and Hairstylists

I'm so frustrated right now. More than frustrated actually. I guess I should update from the last time I wrote something, which was Monday night and I just posted it today, shame on me. I haven't gotten on the computer though until now. I just haven't wanted to get online at all. I think it's my reduction in Adderall that is making things that way. It's hard to stay focused. Very hard.

So Tuesday mom and Jackson went with me to see the Perinatologist, Dr. Thorpe. He is the high risk Dr. who saw me in P'cola and who I had seen before. First of all Avery looked great. She still has the hole in her heart, I believe they said it's 5mm and to be honest I can't get a straight answer from anyone about the severity of it or lack thereof. He just keeps telling me it'll all be okay. That is really irritating. Her hearbeat is strong though and she weighs 2lbs 14oz. So if she was born she'd survive and be okay but she'd be in the hospital for a while. Luckily she's still in my belly baking.

I love his u/s tech. She's super sweet and does a great job. Now when Dr. Thorpe came in he had the lady's chart who he saw before me in his hand. He had my meds wrong, gestational age and the fact that I failed a 3 hour glucose test all wrong. I only realized it was a difference chart and that ladies because she and I were talking in the waiting room and she had mentioned these things to me. The resident he was working with handed him my chart finally. He just kept reassuring me that everything is going to be okay but I didn't feel as if there was any real answers question.

My mom was sitting there dying to ask him questions but didn't know if it was okay with me. You see I was semi out of it. Something about the hospital visit made me very tired and I've not been myself. I think a big part is not taking my Addy like I use to. I wish she had spoken up because I don't want just someone patting my arm and legs and saying it'll be fine. I want someone to say okay there is this hole still there. Now with it being this big at this point either x, y or z will happen when she's born if it's the same size. Now either a or b will happen if it closes up some, etc. You can't just sit and tell a pregnant patient it's all going to be okay.

So we leave the appointment with my next appt to see him on November 18th. I honestly don't feel like seeing him any more. I don't know the point. He's not going to deliver Avery any way. To make things more confusing I was given discharge papers telling me to make an appointment to follow up with the Seton Center Ob's at Sacred Heart in P'cola. I don't want to see them. I don't want those Dr.'s to deliver my baby. I want Dr. Lile from Sacred Heart in P'cola to do so, not the group of attendings and residents. I have insurance and I'm not just off the street.

So yesterday (Wednesday) I called Dr. Lile's office to talk to them about transfering over to him. He's the Dr. that delivered my precious Jackson and I LOVED him sooooo much!!!!! I want to have my baby in Pensacola. I feel more comfortable with the facilities there. The one where we live won't deliver you before 36 weeks because they are not equipped to do so. They don't even have a round the clock nursery for your baby.

So I called Dr. Lile's office and had to sign a release of medical info for Dr. Petrac's office to send my records to him. Now let me tell you it took an act of congress to get this all straight. Finally I go to Dr. Petrac's office to fill out the form and get them to send my records to him. Now I think it's stupid to do this because they are both apart of Sacred Heart Medical Group just in difference offices. Oh well.

Apparently me wanting to change Dr.'s hit a nerve w/ the Dr. here. Pam, the nurse saw me in the waiting room and told me she needed to see me. They were wondering when I was coming back in to be seen. I told her that I was told to see the Seton Center Dr. and I was wanting to just go ahead and transfer to Dr. Lile. She tells me she wants to see me and so does the Dr.

So I go back and they monitor me on the NST machine and check my BP. Dr. came in and said she had not problem sending my files to Dr. Lile but she saw no reason why she couldn't put me on the schedule to be induced until I was 36 weeks which is Novmber 24th. Then her and Pam look at the date say something about that date already being booked and I may end up going to Pensacola in Sacred Heart anyway. Now if that's the case then why in the world would I not just want to go ahead and be set with Dr. Lile in Pensacola?

I feel as if they were just trying to pacify me. They set me up for the NST testing and labs twice a week. I know it wasn't just for me to feel better that it's something I need but I just don't want to stay seeing the local Dr.'s here.

So I leave yesterday afternoon being assured that they will still send everything to Dr. Lile's office for me. I can't get an appointment with him until they send them over. So this morning I get a phone call at 8:30 from Pam saying she has my NST appts set up as the local hospital for Monday mornings at 10. Then she says that they're going to hold off sending my records to him because if they send them over and if he accepts me as a patient then it's confusing. I tried to tell her I still want her to send them over just in case. I just couldn't fight with her. Not really fight but it was hard for me to be firm and say look I want Dr. Lile. Period. End of statement. She said she didn't think I'd have to deliver in P'cola but honestly it's not just because I HAVE to but I WANT to. And if there's any chance of me being sent there to deliver then I want to have Dr. Lile deliver me and not one of the Seton Center Dr.'s.

I tell mom what she said and mom said she'd call her and tell her to fax everything to him and that's my final decision. I'm to scared to call her and be firm. I finally get Lee to call her and tell them that I want Dr. Lile it's not because of hard feelings but I'd feel better over there. She again told him that they don't think I'll have to deliver there and he asked her then why did I spend 3 days over there? She said as a precaution. Then for him and me it's a precaution to go ahead and set up w/ a Dr. over there. I feel horrible because I feel as if I made them mad. But it's my body and my baby.

So now I'm just waiting to call Dr. Lile's office this afternoon and make sure they got my records and that they will set me up an appointment. This is all so exhausting. I feel as if I pissed off a lot of people when it's not my intention.

Wow that was a lot of typing and it felt better to get it off my chest. Not that everyone or anyone who reads this blog wanted or cared to hear all of this. Now off to the hairstylist.

So while waiting to fill out those stupid HIPPA papers to transfer my files mom took me to get my hair trimmed. I told the lady I wanted it trimmed and thinned out. That's it. Oh and I still want it to fit into a pony tail. She didn't listen to me at all. I've seriously cried about this. Hard tears too. My hair looks like a bad mullet in the back. She didn't thin it out but cut the layers up top so short that they feel so thick. It's not sleek like it was before. It's got pieces of layers all out of the sides. I tried straightening it this morning so see if it'd stay and it won't. I'm sick over it. Seriously utterly positively sick.

Mom tried to take me to get it fixed somewhat this morning but I declined. Oh, by the way she left this morning. So Lee is going to take me to get it fixed in the next few days. It's so bad I told him I'm not leaving Jana's house. I hate it. Words cannot describe it. My hair had looked so great before. Okay, it needed a trim and a thin out but it's been doing so well. Now I'm butchered. Lee said it'll grow out by the time Avery is born. Four weeks max is not a lot of time. I'm seriously upset about this. I hate it. I had a bad haircut right before Jackson was born and I hate myself in the pics of him during his birth. Now another baby and another bad hairstyle. It doesn't help that when I give birth I'm swollen like a hot air balloon because of the Magnesium and look horrible anyway.

So I'm sad. My hair is devestatingly awful. I feel as if I've made ppl at the Dr. office upset. I've got a headache and I cut myself badly shaving this morning. Good news is my legs aren't swollen because I've been on the couch or on the bed all day except to take a shower. Jackson has been an angel. Bad news is my BP is still up even being off my feet and I'm starving.

This whole bed rest thing is lonely. I miss mom already. It was fun having her here. I miss being around her. I know it's hard on her because she's not in her own home and with her meds and food issues it can be difficult.

I think I'm just typin everything I can think of right now. I think it's my lack of communication with the outside world. Or it's because I'm scattered. Okay, I'm running off for now. I'll try and be better at updating and staying on task. Can't let my ADD get bad during my writings.