Ummm... Okay

Umm… I have to say that I’ve gotten quite a shock. I don’t go on to Myspace very often and when I do I don’t look at others pages. I was just fooling around Sunday night and look at my youngest biological sisters page. I noticed that there was a picture of Kristan (the sister) and a girl who looked very much like a boy. So I look at her page and lo and behold she’s left her husband (he was abusive anyway) but has now turned lesbian. Umm… okay.

It was a little strange to read this and to see the pictures of her new, um, friend. My shock wasn’t only because she is now with a girlfriend but out of concern. She was married to a guy she had been with since she was 15 and he wasn’t a very nice man. I think it’s very likely that he not only was emotionally abusive but physically abusive. She had no father figure in her life. Her father somehow got custody of her during his divorce. Then he dumped her off at her grandmother’s house a few years later for her to raise her. What kind of life is that? It makes me thank god for me having a stable family. She then meets up with this guy when she’s 15. She’s so young and impressionable. She finds one who probably told her how much he loved her and got her where he wanted her and then began the controlling part of things. She needed someone to love her like this but over the years it got bad.

So she escapes. She finds solace or what she thinks as solace with this girl. I don’t advise it male or female. She’d been isolated from her own family. She had been living with Genaro and his parents and her new little baby. She didn’t even live with her own family. It seems to me as if she’s running away from her problems. Now this little boy is going to be caught up in all of this. I’m sure some of the aftermath is inevitable no matter if she hooked up with someone else or not. I can’t imagine leaving someone like Genaro would make him very happy. From my observation she is someone who is lacking direction and is hungered for love and acceptance. It pains me. I hurt for her. I just wish someone who has her best intentions at heart could help her. I think it’s too late though. When I talked to her she seemed very hard and cold. Bitter. Who can blame her though?

Soo… how about that for a blog? I called Tabitha (my middle bio sister) to wish her a happy birthday on Thursday. I talked to her Friday night when she was in Miami. She met up with her friend from school there. She hadn’t had the best day before and was trying to make it better. I called her and left her a message tonight asking her why she hadn’t told me that our youngest bio sister had turned lesbian. She called me back when her plane landed. She had no idea about the turn of events. Apparently her vacation didn’t turn out good at all. She had a not so great time and if I was her I wouldn’t have enjoyed myself either.

I love Tabitha. She’s so great. I can hear the smile in her voice. She is such a beautiful woman. I wish I could see her again. I miss her. We just click. We have no problem talking (I know, me have a problem talking, hahahaha). She’s now working in California doing makeup for photo shoots, music videos, etc. I think it’s totally awesome and I’m happy for her. Being single and having no kids make it a great opportunity. I think she should enjoy herself and make tons of money and then buy me a house. Okay, I’m just kidding. She can make a ton of money and buy me a car. J

I had a good weekend. Lee was off on Saturday and we went boating. It was a lot of fun. I didn’t get as much sun as I wished but that’s okay. Jackson and I had a great time hanging out in the cabin. We just enjoyed each others company and the little game we’d play when Lee was driving and we were down under. He’d laugh the guttural beautiful laugh. I love it. The deep and genuine laugh. Man, I love it when Mackenzie makes that sounds. It’s comforting in a way. They are my life. I wake up each morning for my children. I never knew love until I met Mackenzie and then Jackson. It changes you forever. I can’t imagine not being a mom. It’s my greatest accomplishment. I’d die for them. I’d give up everything for them. It must be the same way Christ felt for us, but he did die for us. Very bold and moving, don’t you think?

So we spent the day out on the boat. It was fun. Then Sunday night we met Andy (the guy I’m working for/with) and his wife and 4 kids for dinner. Jackson called Mackenzie that afternoon and told her she had to come home right now because we were going to eat at daddy’s restaurant. It was so cute. Well, sort of. He got demanding. He walking in circles on my bed shaking his finger in the air telling her this. He misses her like crazy. So… we met for dinner and had a great time. I think it’s nice that we’ve made some friends. I honestly think it’s helping Lee. The kids all played in the big water fountain after dinner. It was a ton of fun. I really enjoyed myself.

I went to work today and I was so tired in the beginning. I got things organized and I’m finally pleased with the way I have the files, etc. I just wish things weren’t as slow moving. I’m so impatient and that doesn’t help when you’re working on short sales. Patience is a virtue that you must exhibit with short sales. It’s also hard for me to stop looking at things from the title perspective and when something is wrong to delegate it to the title company. I’m just so use to taking care of everything. Andy got two more listings today! Go Andy! We have Chris coming on board on April 14^th. Things are looking good. I just hope in the long run this all works out.

I’m going to drift off to sleep now. It’s late and I need to count sheep to the music of Boyce Avenue. Seriously the best band I’ve heard in years and years and years.

As Imogean Heap says, “say goodnight and go”. So goodnight. I’m going.