Wishing

I love my children more than anything. My entire world revolves around them (perhaps a tiny bit of that should be directed towards Lee and I'll start working on that. I just wish I was a little different type of mom. I see some of my friends in real life and from their blogs and their pictures and just wish I could be a little more like them.

I wish...

• I was more organized.
• I had the time to keep my house spotless (those of you who know my husband know that it is literally a full time job b/c of him)
• I was able to keep everything in its place at all time (or most of the time)
• I was the type of mom who made sure my child always had a hairbow that matched her outfit perfectly. That took the time to make sure she's always in the cutesy (is that even a word) outfits all the time. That Jackson would wear his really nice shoes to match his outfits rather than his crocs that we cannot remove from his feet.
• I wish that I had the patience to do activities with the kids at night and on the weekends. Even the messy playdoh or paint or foamies.
• I had the time to cook dinner every night and clean it up. And after dinner have time to spend with Mackenzie going over her school work without being so exhausted.
• I could organize my garage and keep it that way w/o Lee destroying it in 2 minutes while looking for something
• I could keep up with the laundry, not just cleaning the clothes but putting them up too

These are the daily and every day life things I want. I know I don't work 40 hours a week and I would have time to do some of this to get started but it's so hard. It is impossible for me to do this when Lee is at home so for me to drop off the kids in the morning and come home isn't worth it. He is either grumpy when I clean or organizing. He always tries to convince me to do it later or tells me he'll do it for me on the next day, etc. I don't think he's do anything to help in a long time. I am tired of begging him to help me. A month back or so I was so frustrated with his lack of help and his contribution of mess. He told me just to keep asking him. He would eventually do it. Went through this last week yet again. No help at all.

I am sick and tired of coming home every day and finding the same things...

• At least 2 coke cans on the counters or random places
• At least 2 cups placed in random places
• Paper towels littered around the floor in the bedroom and kitchen from where he just throws them down
• Finding the pink cleaners tags on the floor and the clear plastic thing from his dry cleaned shirts
• Finding the clothes he wore to work the day before strew all over the house
• Him leaving his towel lying in the middle of the bedroom
• Having him get shaving cream all over the sink and keeping at least 2 (right now there are 3) shaving cream bottles on his counter top, 2 toothpastes, 3 toothbrushes, 2 mouthwash bottles on the counters
• Leaving books in the bathroom from where he reads them when he takes a bath. Currently there are 6 in there. I continue to stack them nicely on the ledge above the bath. I actually asked him the other day if I needed to have a bookshelf installed in the bathroom
• His leaving the couch torn apart from where he slept on it the night before or before he went to work
• Leaving the blanket and pillows strewn all over the den
• Leaving not only the bedroom TV on but the living room TV on too
• Leaving the package of the Peanut Butter Keebler cookies on the nightstand or den table
• Leaving the bathroom, closet, powder area and bedroom lights on
• Leaving his shoes in the middle of the room or half way hanging out under the bed
• Leaving the comforters on the floor when they fall off the bed
• Leaving the laundry room door open and the light on

Now these are things I come home to EVERY SINGLE FREAKIN DAY. I am sick of it. I want to go on strike but it's only going to hurt me. He won't care. So I'm thinking about totally organizing everything in the entire house. Then I'll make a spot for his stuff in the closet and dump all of his things there every day when I get home. Then he can take care of it himself. His laundry, shoes, belts, etc. I'm going to wash my hands clean of it.

I am tired of the excuse that he works so much. I am tried of him sleeping all day long on his off days. I am tired of him sleepin the day away before he goes to work. I am tired of him acting like his life is so hard. I'm over it. I'm on a partial strike. I'm starting the revamping process on Thursday and then can work on it again on Sunday (I've got a work thing Saturday morning and will be working on the breakfast on Wed and Friday). Then I hopefully can go on official strike on Monday. Maybe I can find a big box to throw his stuff in to. I'm done. I'm wiping my hands clean of his stuff. He blames me for every mess that the kids make or their laundry or tells me it's not his mess well his mess isn't my responsiblity. He's 34 freaking years old and he can start taking care of himself.

Wow, I feel sooooooooooooo much better. I've been frustrated lately and needed to get this off my chest.