Tired, Very Tired

Yesterday Jackson, Jana and I went to go pick up Mackenzie. We met my parents in Greenville and ate lunch at Cracker Barrel. Jana and I had a good time on the drive up there. We had major ADD conversations but that's the fun part of things. Both of us are having the up and down feelings. One minute we're happy go luck and the next week feel depressed. I know mine is largly due to Lee being gone and feeling overwhelmed with the family and work. It's not fun feeling this way. I think the lack of sleep Friday night had something to do with it as well.

Jackson woke me up at 6:30 Saturday morning and I was NOT ready to get up. I did anyway and then got on a cleaning binge before we left to get Kenzie. I vacuumed the den and our bedroom. Picked things off of the floor up. I was literally sweating. What's sad is there is so much more to be done. I have a whole list of projects to have finished before Lee gets home. I thought things would be easier to complete when Kenzie got back b/c Jackson would be occupied with her, but I was wrong. I forgot how she's constantly coming to me wanting this or that. It's okay, but I love it, but this is why it's impossible to get anything done.

I have to admit that part of me, well the only word I can come up with sounds harsh and I don't feel harsh about things but it's the only word that'll do, okay, I resent Lee for going. I'm not jealous and I know this is really hard on him going through the training and the kitchen which he isn't comfortable in, etc. but there's a BUT. When I call him and he's eating out at TGI with the guys and I'm just getting Jackson to bed at 9:30 and work has been stressful and I haven't even eaten all day b/c of time and he just says hi to me quickly and tells me his food is there and he's gonna go, well it's frustrating. He has almost every single Saturday off. I know he is going to study and whatnot, but when I call him and he's at the Book Depository in Dallas, the place I've been dying to go, and I'm leaving Greenville from a long day. He calls me last night from the bathroom and then I hear some singing in the background and he's at some sports bar w/ the guys. It's 11 at night.

Yes, I realize things are really hard on him and he's not sure he made the right choice or not. At the same time I'm going non-stop and don't have a support system. Mom said she'd come down after dad has his last Sunday at the church, but I mean really what is she going to do? I never know when work is going to hit crazy busy and I'll have to work late. I had these grand plans for the house and getting things in line and in order and maintain it while Lee's gone. It's not so easy to do I'm beginning to find.

We moved offices on Friday. I wasn't there when they moved the furniture as it was done at 5:30. I'm not looking forward to going in tomorrow to put everything together. Not fun at all. I don't want to have to deal with Bob or Bill or Melissa or anyone. I was talking to both Lee and Jana about getting a new prescription for the anti-aniexty meds etc. and Lee told me to just go to the Dr.. Okay, when? In my spare time? I know that by taking that med again it would certainly help me get through this time without stressing out so much but I just don't have time to go.

I'll update more of what's gone on a little bit later but I need to go dry my hair. AND get out of my funk. Oh Jana call me back. Let's get me occupied and it'll pass. I know it works for you too.