Countdown

In just a few days I'll be jumping on a plane for Dallas. I am very excited because I cannot wait to see Lee. I am also a little nervous because I'll be meeting the Mitchell's for the first time. I am also unsure on how I will balance everyone. There are also things I would like to do while I am there and there is no way for me to do it all. Darn, I guess I'll just have to go back. How can I balance it all?

I wonder if I can change my flight? Okay, of course I had to call Southwest to see if I could arrive a little earlier, okay at 11:30 and that way I could go see the place where Kennedy was shot, etc. by myself so it wouldn't take up time with everyone. If I did it I'd have to pay $50. I don't think it's worth it. Well, it is, but I'm not spending any more money. Nope.

I just hope it's warm while I'm there. It's been cold here now and I'm not going to like colder weather. Who am I kidding? I don't care what the weather is like.

My entire life I have dreamt of my birth mother. Lying in my bed at 6201 Wynfrey Place and in the darkness of night thinking of her. Pleading to the adoption gods to just know her name. Wondering what the circumstances of my birth were. Wondering if she ever thought of me. Wondering what if anything was I called. Trying to guess what the foster mother called me. Surely I was called something for 3 months. Wondering if I had her smile, if I got my gaps from her, could she roll her "R's" (I can't for the record), where did my chest come from, does she have freckles on her face as I do, what about her laugh, her sense of humor?

The dreams of the past 27 years are coming to become reality. The woman who gave birth to me and sacrificed so much, so much more than I could have ever done, will see me face to face. I can touch her hand and put my arms around her. My flesh and blood. Mackenzie and Jackson have been the only flesh and blood I had ever known until recently. Yes, meeting Brad was great and amazing. He and I do have this deep bond, but he doesn't have the maternal factor.

I cannot wait. I don't know if I will be emotional or not. I have no idea how I will react. This is very new and I'm so uncertain. Bobbi and I do not have the same relationship as Brad and I do. I can certainly speak freely to her, but at the same time, Bobbi isn't as open and doesn't speak as freely about things as Brad does. She's just not an open book emotionally. That's okay. I respect that and totally understand that. So, that being said I don't know when I see her if she'll be emotional or not. I'm scared I might lose it.

I have to admit that I have wondered if she will get spooked by me coming. I don't think that'll happen, but I just wonder. I don't want to overwhelm her. I don't want to scare her. I won't bite. Perhaps my excitment shouldn't bubble all over the place just yet.

I also am very excited to meet Miss Tabitha! I think she is just beautiful in all of the pictures I have seen. I cannot wait to see her face to face.

I also can't wait to see Grandma and Grandpa Mitchell. They seem like just lovely and amazing people. I know they have a deep love for me and I am appreciative for all they have done. I am thankful that they gave Tabitha a wonderful home. I can tell that they did a wonderful job with her. She is such an amazing young lady.

Okay, I'm going to attempt to go to bed.