Shouldn't I Be Sleeping?

I think I should be in bed. Okay, I know I should be in bed. I'm not really tired though. Lee went to bed a little while ago and it's just me up. Me and the rain. I'm sitting at our desktop computer which is really odd. I haven't used it in months. I love our laptop. Although the keyboard is working nicely. Yes, it's confirmed. I am a nerd.

I went to Angie's baby shower today. It was very nice and relaxing. Bonnie was there and brough Griffin and Luke. Betsy brought Addison and let me tell you he is so freaking adorable I just want to squeeze him. Catherine Brannon came and I have to say it wasn't that bad. I actually enjoyed talking to her and seeing her in the non SETCO environment I remember how nice she can be. Genuine. Thank goodness she didn't tell any of us that we looked like death warmed over or that we needed a makeover. If that happened, well, let's just say the nice Rebekah would not have been present. Those of you who don't know her won't understand everything. What was hysterically was that me, Betsy, Bonnie, Angie, Stevie, and Dana all used to work at SETCO. Quite humerous if you ask me. We were some of the best employees they ever had. Stupidity, greediness and just their blatant disregard for anything right lost us. I have to admit I'm a little happy that their business drop drastically since we left and that they've lost their market share.

I stopped by Jana's after the shower. I left Jackson and Lee at the house and had taken Mackenzie with me. Well Jana wasn't home but I heard someone calling Mackenzie. Turns out Colton from her class lives caddie corner to Jana. I talked w/ Colton's mom for about 30 minutes or so and then we had to head out. Jana ended up coming home in the meantime. Lee picked up filets and Jana came over for dinner. I made my homemade mac 'n cheese (and yes, it is a vegetable). It was sooooo good. Jackson who use to hate mac 'n cheese now loves it and scarfed it up.

Jana gave me some old pictures of me and Mackenzie and Jackson while I was at her house. I have to say I cringed at some of them. Okay, all of them. I've always had self esteem issues regarding my physical appearance, but I have to say that lately I feel so much better. I know I've lost at least 25lbs in the past few months. I can tell it in my face and certainly my chest. I never thought they'd go down but they have. Between my hair (which I hated at first but now love) and my wonderful makeup job and the sun from Thursday I felt pretty. I'm not conceited, but it's been a long time since I've felt that way. Now I know that once I see a picture of me from today I'll wanna puke. I'm still fat. I hate it. I hate having the stomach. Loose skin from having my babies. Yuck. I wish I felt better about myself. The one thing that keeps me from not totally throwing myself off a bridge (and NO, I'd never really do that, so please do not call DCFS or a psych facility, we already know I'm crazy) is that Lee loves me for who I am. He's never told me I'm fat or tried to change me. He's the one person who has accepted me for me. He has no idea how much that means to me. I love him for that.

Jackson and Mackenzie were hyper as could be tonight. I don't know what got into them but they were bouncing off the walls. Brad happened to call while I was waiting on Lee to cook the steaks. Jana and I were sitting on the couch while he was on the phone and then Mackenzie blurts out that she wants to play spin the bottle. Ummmm... EXCUSE ME. Where in the world did she learn that phrase. It was apparent after a few moments that she had no idea what the game truly is except to spin the bottle, actually she was spinning the football. It's freaking me out because it's just a matter of time before she learns what the game is. She's 6. Can I stop her from learning too much?????? Tell me there is something I can do. Lord help us all.

It's pouring down rain. It sounds so nice. It's almost 3. I guess I need to go to bed. Hey Jana. I love you and I'm here for you no matter what. Yes, I said I love you. Don't run, you know if you were here I'd give you a huge hug. Yup, I would. You're my best friend. We've been through so much over the years but I wouldn't know what to do without you. You help me stay grounded. Tomorrow night Lee works so we have to watch Grey's. I still haven't seen Thursdays episode and it's driving me crazy. I'm laughing at my last sentence. It doesn't take much to make me crazy does it?

so long... farewell... I'm going to bed... good bye, good bye, good bye (and imagine the Sound of Music song going in my head while I typed that. It sounded so beautiful in my head.)