Confusion

I am very confused. I cannot go to bed. I have so many questions and I don't have the answers. Patience will get them for me, I hope. I don't understand. I cannot grasp it. I hope light will be shed on it so I can feel okay. I mean I'll be okay no matter what, but I'm just at a loss. Why? Okay, then why didn't you do this or that? I promise I'm not going to be mad whatever the case may be. Just help me understand. Just be honest with me. When I thought I understood it all I realize I don't. Is it any of my business? I don't know. Part says yes and then part says no.

I am sure this post may have some of you just slightly confused. If so then you'll understand how I'm feeling right now. I need to go to bed but I just can't. I went in Mackenzie's room to sing her lullabyes per her request but she was passed out. Then Jackson woke up crying hysterically, that's not something he ever does. It took a little while to calm him down and then he fell asleep in my arms. How sweet it is.

I guess I need to head to bed. I'm sleeping in Jackson's room tonight. I can't say that I mind it. I will actually sleep well tonight. No one kicking me, no snoring. Ahhh... it's the life. Okay, I'm going to bed now. I'll probably dream about my confusion. I hope it's not to vivid. That, well, let's just say be too much for me. But maybe my answer will magically appear from my dream. Good night.